NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

[NoCapes]

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

I'm with aye - fuck him. Let him sort it out & all 3 of them!! Leaving baby behind is simply not an option. You deserve a break too. You're doing brilliantly 🏆

Is wee teenybash sleeping still? Hopefully you get a proper rest tonight, onwards and upwards Capes, the kids are probably really relieved to be home.

Capes, you're an absolute star you know. I hope loads of people in your position read your threads and feel encouraged by them.

I can understand the wobble that if you hadn't split then you wouldn't have been clearing up his mess tonight. That's understandable.
Either he just hasn't a clue (shocking for the dad of 7 years) or he does and he did it on purpose. The dc are being let down by him whether he stays or goes.
Agree that he has to take all 3. If he can't cope then supervised contact might actually be easier for him. And you.

Hang in there. It was the first contact and he is going to play games/Disney Dad/try and fuck you up via them for a while. It will get better. Have a plan in your mind for access (I agree with all 3) and stick to it.

My soon to be XH fed the kids sweets/choc and strawberries all day once, no meals. Youngest threw up ALL night once he was home with me. I clarified it all with DIck Head and he promised he would make sure they ate a decent meal next time. 2 days later he picked them up and took them straight to Macdonalds. Youngest spent the night throwing up again (had just had 2 days with me where he was absolutely fine) Dick Head claimed that he thought MacDonalds was a decent meal!!

It's exhausting nocape but every shit occasion just reiterates to me why I kicked the twat out. You can do this, you really can. He showed clearly again today why you don't need him anymore.

Saw this and thought of you lot!

Another day done.
And well done.
I think he proved today he is not good partner material. Why would you do that?
What was his dad like?

He might learn how to take care of them better, it's practically the first time he's done anything for them I assume?

In a way i think it's good because he will get an appreciation of what you are doing Capes and ultimately, the DC will know their dad.

Take it day by day. You don't need to decide anything at the moment.
Until you are orientated, stay still.

So this bothers me a tiny bit. I want to put it out here so it's said.
This is your life.
It's taken on a bit of a roller coaster momentum and tbh if it were me I'd be feeling a bit overwhelmed with expectation. Scared to wobble and show any lack of resolve when so many people are saying you're awesome.
You've done so well this week. From the outside it looks like you're doing all the right things. From the inside it must feel like a lot of pressure?
I'm not sure where I'm going with this.
It's not a soap and sometimes MN likes a soap story line. You must take from this. You don't owe us anything.
I think I'm just worried the support becomes a pressure.

Friend

Until you are orientated, stay still.

I love that.

Giddy - I understand where you are coming from - there may be a point where the band of cheerleaders start sounding like a demanding audience with 'do this', 'no - do that', 'DON'T do thaat!' and Capes is there in the middle, just trying to get on with things.

I hope it won't come to that, people are just really pleased for her. Ive seen a lot of supportive threads and what I usually see is that over time things settle down and it becomes more like a bunch of friends having a cuppa, swapping stories and updates. But pretty much its up to Capes to continue to post as long as she needs Mumsnetters support.

And if it gets too much Capes - you can always hide the thread and come back if you need too :)

Once again, what Feck said! We're all here to offer you support and to be here when you need us Capes on your terms, I hope you don't feel pressured at all.

Hope the baby slept capes and that you did too.
I guess he will have to learn pretty quick how to care for three kids on his own for whatever contact he has-he's never done it before.( which is shit and sad in itself but still).
If you message him re this I would maybe state that you are concerned about them and want to reiterate what their needs are-especially the baby's feed times etc. That way he can't just pass it off as you being bitter and using the kids to have a go at him (which you aren't, obviously, but he will probably say so-he seems that kind of twat). He dos actually need to listen and act on your concerns with this-you can't take kids or for hours and not sodding well feed them!

I can see the point re pressure.
I hoped Capes would see it as encouragement & draw strength from it. Not one person has gone against the grain.
You are right, threads do tend to settle down after the initial input.
I hope for now, that we are giving, not taking from this thread.

I've been lurking on this thread and your previous one Capes and I just want to say how amazing you are! You are doing brilliantly for yourself and your little ones. Keep doing what you're doing and everything will be fine

Also I noticed a PP mentioned going to court and getting making sure the kids are fed being put in place as part of the agreement... Surely if any man needs an agreement in place to feed his own children, he isn't fit to have them at all. What an utter incompetent arse your ex is capes!

Feck I agree and I hope it is a source of support to Capes. Was just a bit worried about her last night after the sugar frenzy, seeing him for the first time and all the stuff that throws up.

I totally get what you mean Giddy and have thought about that myself, what if I change my mind? What if I want to do something different to what they suggest? But I honestly feel like most the people that are left on here would be supportive anyway and try to understand - sometimes I say things that I don't fully understand myself and you all go 'yes you feel like that because xyz' and I get it, so I honestly don't feel any pressure atm, I feel like you're all in my head sometimes clarifying and validating my feelings and that is just what I need
I really couldn't talk to anyone in real life like I have been on here and no-one in my life (as far as I'm aware) has been through anything like this so I appreciate the wisdom and experience you all bring to the thread so so much

DS1 is off school today with sickness and diarrhoea - I'm really hoping it's not anything to do with yesterday, I doubt it is of course and is just an unfortunate coincidence but it crossed my mind briefly

Poor ds1 :(
Must go to work now but glad that this conversation has happened and you're happy with the support :)

Poor DS 1, I hope he feels better soon. For my part, I'm sorry if you've felt any pressure, it genuinely wasn't my intention to pressure you. No judgement, no pressure, just support for you whatever you are doing. Xxx

Well done for surviving yesterday nocapes!

Well done for yesterday, no surprise that he was an arse. He's reminded you why you're doing this and just how incapable and irresponsible he is.
Poor ds1, i hope he gets better soon. Stay strong, you're doing so well.

Thankyou all

Bloody typical that I've had at least 1 poorly child constantly since I've been alone with them isn't it 🙄

you've had a baptism of fire and no mistake Capes! Hopefully they'll all be better soon, and you can have some time to process everything.

Oh poor DS! Hoping he gets well soon

You have been doing so well! I keep telling myself to do a NoCapes when it comes to my P

I think any pressure would ease off now anyway as you've left the twunt, now it's your life and your DC who you know best! We will obviously all be here to support and give advice, but it is simply a "take each day as it comes" situation now...

I don't think anyone would lay on any pressure at this point unless you took complete leave of your sense and came on saying "he fed the DC today!!! he's changed!!! he's moving back in next week! " then I think some people may have something to say but I doubt you will, you have your wits about you!

Have you tried going on you MN Local? They sometimes have meet ups for single parents... There's also a single parents topic on here, which sometimes tries to organize meet ups in certain areas, or for just a bit of moral/practical support in that area

Every likelihood that he ate a waffle or doughnut that had been hanging around too long.... plus being shaken up on the rides.I hope he will be OK by tomorrow.
You should txt the Berk that your son is off school with D&V & you are hoping but doubtful that this is a coincidence.

Shamelessly placemarking on your new thread Capes - hope DS1 is feeling better v soon