NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

[NoCapes]

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

[PurpleThursday]

Preemptive I changed my ExH's name in my phone to a v rude word. It was great! But be warned that if it is an iPhone it comes up on your emails to them too .. So they see it! He took great offence and it probably won't look great in court if he decides to produce it!

[PurpleThursday]

Capes just a thought... Have you got a bike? With a baby seat or the like. Can you get a cheap one on eBay/gumtree if not. I got a great one really cheap and found sticking my youngest on the back and getting around on it quite therapeutic, good exercise and some use for getting out and about without the car.

[ayeokthen]

My XH name in my phone contacts is Dickhead. Suits him perfectly

[CrazyDuchess]

I've just found this thread - could someone link to the first thread - I tried advance search but op is rather a prolific poster xxx

[kaitlinktm]

Here you are Duchess - it's an inspiring read.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2729761-He-hasnt-come-home?msgid=63689415

[CrazyDuchess]

Thank you

[skyyequake]

PurpleThursday I was just thinking about getting a bike for myself once I get away from "D"P as I don't have a driving license... Never thought to suggest it to NoCapes but its a brilliant idea (unless you have long distances to travel regularly)

[NoCapes]

They were meant to be home at 5 ... They're still not back
The baby usually has his bath and starts getting ready for bed at 6:30, if he's drive far he will most definitely be asleep in the car

[ayeokthen]

He's being controlling again, trying to get some kind of reaction from you. Hopefully the wee one will sleep for you tonight. As for the toad, just go breezy again and shut the door in his face. You and your kids will be fine.

[Littlelostdinosaur]

Well it didn't take him long to show how little respect he still has for you does it. A decent person would have been keen to make a great impression on what is a pretty significant day for him and the kids, and you too, but he is late. Unless he has a genuine reason -car break down etc- just another dickhead thing to do. And he obviously has no understanding or care about what this is likely to mean for your night in terms of the routine for lo. Cos he's never dealt with it, I presume! Had he even messages you to say he's late?

Good suggestion as above about having a standard answer about timekeeping - try not to get too emotional with him as even anger will show that he can still affect you. Emotionless, standard response and then scream into a pillow later to let it all out.

I imagine he will probably try the "we had such a great day we lost track of time" to make you feel you missed out, or that you could all play happy families again.

Remember this is a one off, it's that feather on the scale that is opposed by all th shit he's done. Nothing can ever ever make up for what he had put you through.

Don't let him in and don't engage. You can do it! Xx

[Funko]

At the door, say 'don't piss me or the kids around on timings again or we'll have to get access ordered through the courts and I don't think we need to go that route do we?' Shut door.

So bloody annoying. My exh can be a pain in the Arse for this but generally thoughtless rather than malicious. I have literally no idea what time my son is due back this evening.. Kids got school in the morning and we have plans to watch double xfactor before bed. I'm home anyway and. I doing anything so I can't be arsed to chase him up right now.

[skyyequake]

Well he's reminding you why you chucked him out!! I don't think breezy smile will work this time...

I think big smiles for the kids, usher them inside, take baby off him whether sleeping or not. Then very coldly say "bring them back on time next time or I will organise supervised visits in future" and then just close the door.

Don't argue. Don't engage. But don't pretend like everything is fine, because then he'll start taking the piss like this every time and then you'll be left wondering when your kids are coming home instead of just him...

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

BlueLeopard has a good point about Disney DP.

Hope the dc are back. I agree that you need to be calm and firm when he drops off. Tomorrow is a school day.

[Littlelostdinosaur]

But yes definitely make clear that they are to be on time next time. You're well within your rights to not even allow access so he needs to respect your rules. X

[CrazyDuchess]

Wow - just wow! Have read from start to finish and NoCapes you are remarkable!

Are they back yet?

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

Yes definitely be firm about timings and threaten to take contact arrangements through more official routes if he cannot respect you

[Lynnm63]

Might be an idea to text him about the late drop off once they're back that way you've got proof of his fuckwittery. This was my dh' suggestion btw. He's definitely on team capes!

[Whooptydoo1]

I'm sure the kids are happy and safe, he's just being an asshat, like pp have said you'd think he'd be on his best behaviour, when he gets back calmly explain that u will not take anymore of his fuckery, if he can't play by your more than fair rules, he can play by the courts instead, u are a genuine warrior woman

[RandomMess]

Hope you kept up the breeziness, don't let him know that him messing you about bothers you - keep the power out of his reach.

Still you got a proper break from them! Hope the dog walk helped lift your mood.

KOKO

[Buzzardbird]

Being a dick already then?

[myfriendnigel]

What a knob.well if nothing else it reinforces why you don't need him in your life. Hope they are back by now...
Love the new thread title

[Doublemint]

Glad I found your new thread no capes. We are all rooting for you here at Casa del Doublemint.

Try to look at the positives for him being late, he's reminded you that he doesn't respect you, he's reminding you he really doesn't give a shit about your feelings (or he would have text to say they were late etc Fgs a friend or dchs friends parent would do as much to stop a parent worrying), he's done you a favour really. Any doubts about where he is in his head have been shown and summed up with this inaction. Unless he has a plausible reason, which I doubt.

Are they back now? How did reverse drop off go?

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

I really hope the Berk has those dc home by now.

[NoCapes]

Sorry they got home a few minutes after my last comment - with a happy meal in their hand, they hadn't even been fed! Not even the baby, who was almost too hysterical to eat
So they went almost 7 hours on just sweets
I then had to do the most rushed shower and bedtime ever
The baby had also slept in the car on the pway home (obviously) so is now in quite the state - overtired/not tired at all, he's just not sure

Because getting 3 kids to bed all by yourself just isn't hard enough is it?!

I have absolutely no words right now
None

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

Ahh capes hope you are ok
Are the kids back yet?