NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

[NoCapes]

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

vommachine that made me properly lol

I feel like I've took 10 steps backwards today
Having a wtf happened to my life moment - 3 weeks ago i had a partner, 3 kids and was pregnant with number 4
Then my baby died, and now somehow I'm a single mum of 3
Just how the fuck did that even happen?!

What you're feeling is completely normal, you're grieving for your wee baby, your grieving for the man who let you down so terribly during your MC and in so many other ways too, and you're grieving for the life you had planned. All completely understandable given what you've been through in the last 3 weeks (and more). Don't be too hard on yourself, you have achieved so much in just the last week, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Have you got any chocolate? Chocolate, cosy PJs and a good sob (not while eating or you'll choke mind) will help you to get towards moving on. It's a long process, but you're halfway there, I promise you.

... and I know I'll get drunk and text him at least once

There's an app for that. Download it now while you're sober.

I also always recommend people change his contact name to "Twunt" or something really unappealing, to remind yourself that he's, errm, a Twunt.

You've done so well. I'd bet even without these precautions you'd still be strong. But, ya know, belt&braces, yeah?

yes-yes i did :)

its normal to think that nocapes we all have wtf moments its how u move on is important

I've just read your first thread and now your second and I have one thing to say to you

Well done! Seriously. Well fucking done!!

You are a super strong woman to have done all this

Just dropping in to say you're amazing nocapes! You are an amazing woman and mother, there will be bumps in the road but you've come so far! Xx

Youre bound to have conflicting feelings. He was a part of your life for a long time, but he was only barely there and he treated you like crap. Youre stronger than you think x

Yes, it was easier for me, NoCapes as I'd fallen out of love with my ex by then so I just didn't care about him. Sorry you still love yours, although that must be confusing. I was much older than you by then - 35 and didn't want to waste any more time on him. You're doing great. You sound lovely - it's completely his loss. Bit by bit he'll realise this - when he gets bored of the boozing, when he misses the kids, when he has to do his own laundry/cooking, when he's apart from the kids at Xmas. A classic case of never realising what you had until it's gone. Horrible feeling for you. Wishing you all the best. We have one chance at this life, don't waste yours on someone that doesn't treat you right, as hard as that is now.

Just a quick point, he might "realise what he had now its gone" but don't let that fool you into thinking he'll change... He will fall right back into old habits once he's got his foot in the door

Wow a new thread already.
Well done Capes on the breezy handover, you're doing amazingly! I can imagine it's so hard, but what is there to actually miss? He was hardly ever around anyway. You'll be an awesome single mum. You have experience already as you pretty much have been for a long time.
You're doing so well, if you feel a little weak just read back over your threads of what you're not missing out on and how far you have come in just a week! We're all here for you whenever you need us.

Placemarking on your amazing thread! Well done for your strength xx

Ok I'm done, eyeliner back on and I'm going to walk the dog - the sunshine can only help can't it

Ps - have I told you all how much I luffs you? Because I do

A walk in the sunshine with the dog sounds brilliant enjoy yourself and forget about his sorry arse

Game face on, head up, shoulders back, ready to go! Well done Capes, knew you had it in you.

Ok so 3 weeks ago you had a partner..... But that partner was still him and all his antics. Someone you know, because he had already proved it to you, will never change. As far as he is concerned all you have lost is the title of having a partner.

I'm not ignoring the baby, I know that is really devastating for you and you are still grieving.

Fantastic capes, go & do a power walk, good for you, breath & smile to celebrate just how fantastically you are doing.
If you have a fixed time for the return, & he is late, you will need to have a phrase ready. cool & to the point.
Thanks for the time keeping, I'll remember that (afterwards you can text & say that if he plays around with timing he be required to, at the very least, text you, & have a genuine reason. Not just continuing to be a continually poor father & human being.
get it in writing.
DO NOT LET HIM IN. This is what he is waiting for, the baby may be asleep, you can take the baby off him & say thats fine now. Goodbye.
If he tries to go in. How about, You are not welcome in my house ?

It occurred to me on your last thread that his lame offer of a spa day and lunch with him for you was a variant of his Disney Dad act - you'd be the one to organise the bookings, pack stuff for the kids for the day, sort times with your mum, plan the route or whatever, all he had to do would be to come up with the idea and bask in the accolade.

Now, if he had booked you and your mum a lovely day and basically pushed you out the door telling you that he had the kids for the day, insisting you turn your phone off and you return home to fine your house cleaned your house from top to bottom, all the laundry done and the kids freshly washed in their PJ's then the gesture would have meant something.

You are doing amazingly.

Checking in

You're bloody amazing capes.

Baby steps remember. Yes, there will be days when you take a step back and weaken, but the important thing is you pick yourself back up and carry on moving forwards.

Feeling emotional just shows you're a decent human being who actually gives a damn about people. It's a good thing, honest.

You rock.

You're such a string woman for everything you've been through. I'm so sorry about your baby (boy or girl?) But one thing is for sure - you're such a strong positive role model for your other three.

You can do this.
You will do this.
You ARE doing this

strong though you're maybe string too

Keep going, you've been getting through on adrenaline, it's normal to go through stages in emotions, you'll be OK again in no time I'm sure.

I remember feeling very strange after the initial high/relief wore off. But I quickly went back to being really positive again, I'm I'm sure you will. Just remember what he was like with you.