How do I save my marriage? DH wants out

[Betty777]

DH raised this unexpectedly 6 weeks ago, says he doesn't feel the same way he used to, mainly that we're not having enough sex, but also that we're not close since the birth of DC (16 months) etc.
He's right, but he makes no effort to spend time with me, always at work etc. We were hugely close up until the baby, married 6 years.
I have found motherhood hard and my libido has disappeared, but things are a lot better, or so I thought. I just assumed this (babies) hits a lot of people like this and we would slowly but surely get better. He disagrees and says life is too short.
Anyway, he kicked off again yesterday and was pretty final. I asked if we could work on it until Xmas but I'm in shock that's he's so unwilling to try harder to work it out. I realise my begging sounds pathetic but I really think our relationship is worth saving and this is a blip and something we can work through
I've suggested date nights but I'm not sure that will be enough, fast enough.
Don't know if im just venting - partly. But I would live to hear advice from anyone who has turned around this situation. Anyone?

No I've not been living under a rock. I have a 4 year old and 17 month old. My sex drive isn't that of a porn stars but I do like to be intimate with my husband. Even after an exhausting day. And so do many I know. Guess we are the exception to the rule then ey?

And she's not 'withholding', she's knackered, he may well find if he did his share of parenting and housework her libido would miraculously return, funny that

I UNDERSTAND that. Of course I do, the poor woman will be shattered but how you can't understand his point also is beyond me. A situation has been created and she's asked how she can resolve it.

The OP didn't at any point say she 'withholds' (ugh) sex & hasn't mentioned 'how often' - all that's clear is her husband has decided it isn't enough & has fast tracked their marriage to the bin without discussing it himself.

Lmao at the 'four years of dating my hobby' spam. This thread is like the twilight zone. Biscuits for everyone

Haha I was just about to comment on that

Rack... Let's hope your dh continues to be satisfied thrusting away at your motionless form then!
I think most men like women to want to have sex with them....don't they?
A man who would be happy to have sex with a woman who he knew didn't want to...?
Ewwww

Motionless form? Eh. I said I do like to be intimate with my husband. Not once have I ever laid there like a sack of spuds and not wanting it. All sex drives are different I agree but if she's not interested in sex then obviously these problems are gonna arise as men like sex.

Just chiming in to say I don't know any women who's libidos haven't suffered through having kids. Not one! It's normal.

Sabrina

You need to get that shit on telly!!!

otherwise so loving, so great, such a good father

But he's not, is he?

That's just the mask he is showing you.

He sounds like an overgrown boy who needs to grow up when real life - i.e. having a child and all that entails, including the mother being exhausted - hits him.

So sorry you are going through this. I had similar and sent him "home" by mutual agreement when DS was 6 months old. So much easier to do it alone really. Believe me!

I presume he made the choice to become a dad too? Interesting to read about his previous relationship. Reminds me of the old MN saying:

When a man tells you how he is believe him.

Men know if you are just putting up with it you know.
It's fairly obvious even to the most selfish idiot.
God. 21st century and women are still expected to "service" their men.
Some Sickening Views on this thread.
I'd love to know how many of the women telling to op to "have sex to keep him" are religious?
Just a thought.....

I don't think she says she's not interested in sex - just that her husband doesn't feel he's getting enough. Which is something for him to raise and discuss, he is the one who has a problem with the relationship. It sounds like if she was less exhausted (possibly with him helping out more) her libido might recover and she might feel more like sex with him, I don't know but worth exploring rather than writing off the whole thing. It does suggest he is leaping from having an issue to ending it rather quickly. In which case I'm not sure what she can do to save it, sounds like he's made up his mind just skipped the 'trying' part.

Oh dear.... I see the 419 scammers have discovered MN...

Sabrina, have you thought of writing fiction?

Sorry, that was to rackham

Op...my money is on some woman at work who is happy to give him a blow job in the stationary cupboard.
He has further decided this is a good enough reasin to end his marriage and that you are at fault (not him for being a cheating cockwomble)
I'm sorry.

if she's not interested in sex then obviously these problems are gonna arise as men like sex

No, the problems have arisen because this man is an arse who is shagging someone else and is trying to pin the blame on her for not getting on her back often enough. Loving partners accept that their husbands and wives libidos wax and wane - they don't announce they're leaving the family.

Op also mentions how he is "at work" constantly and makes no effort to spend time with her. Why would she want to be intimate with someone who makes no effort to spend time with her?

Because she is woman and has a uterus and so it is her duty!
Jesus wept.

Did he cheat? I didn't read the whole thread just the OP. Anyway, I do agree with you ladies as well as having my own opinion on sex within a marriage but that's what it means to me personally and I'm clearly not suffering with the loss of libido like OP. If OP thinks he's being so unreasonable and she is going through a rough patch with loss of libido she should definitely leave his ass before he does it to her. I do like to satisfy my DH but believe me if I didn't want sex he wouldn't be getting it. If he threatened to leave because of it I'd be at a crossroads then. I'll either feel like telling him off he fucks or I would see if the prospect of losing him somehow encouraged me to do the no pants dance a couple of extra times a month, completely upta OP. I don't think she's to blame I just said I don't think he was being as unreasonable as you all think he is. This is a very common reason for he demise of a relationship. I'm not siding with him, just always believed that sex is important and primal to a relationship. Anyway, thoughts are with you OP, wish you and DC a happy life whether it works out with DH or not.

I would probably be wish to read the whole thread to get a better understanding of the arse wipe that is the OP's DH.

It would probably be wise even!

My bad SirChen, I probably look like even more of an arse now lol.

You know what depresses the crap out of me?
It's the cheaters script almost word for word isn't it?
How fucking predictable.
Op...if I were in your shoes I would be devastated.
Then I would get myself off to a lawyer pretty damn quick and get some legal advice.