How do I save my marriage? DH wants out

[Betty777]

DH raised this unexpectedly 6 weeks ago, says he doesn't feel the same way he used to, mainly that we're not having enough sex, but also that we're not close since the birth of DC (16 months) etc.
He's right, but he makes no effort to spend time with me, always at work etc. We were hugely close up until the baby, married 6 years.
I have found motherhood hard and my libido has disappeared, but things are a lot better, or so I thought. I just assumed this (babies) hits a lot of people like this and we would slowly but surely get better. He disagrees and says life is too short.
Anyway, he kicked off again yesterday and was pretty final. I asked if we could work on it until Xmas but I'm in shock that's he's so unwilling to try harder to work it out. I realise my begging sounds pathetic but I really think our relationship is worth saving and this is a blip and something we can work through
I've suggested date nights but I'm not sure that will be enough, fast enough.
Don't know if im just venting - partly. But I would live to hear advice from anyone who has turned around this situation. Anyone?

Off you go, hubby will be wanting dinner and a blow job. There's a good girl

foul mouthed lower class harridans......You and you like, give women a bad name

I'm astounded by your perspicacity Diva, it's as if you can see down the phone line.

I'm actually thinking of having a badge made Kr1stina, foul mouthed lower class harridan and proud!

I can wear it while drinking gin coffee from my ODFOD mug

FMLCH

Love it. Even better than the day I got called a low rent Clare Rayner

Ok...a few things...
He has got another woman. Sorry, but there it is.
You deserve better.
If I don't feel like sex, for whatever reason, my Dh can do one of the following;
Respect my decision and either do without or have a nice wank
Fuck off and find someone who will service his every need, whenever he wants, whether they want to or not.
It saddens me such women exist, but obv they do :(

And diva...I do hope your professional job doesn't require decent grammar and spelling.
Coz if it does you're fucked.

HTH

Badders

I must admit to musing on all these women who "lie back and think of England"....
I wonder if their Dhs enjoy that type of sex?
I wonder if their Dhs sometimes wish for a bit of sponteniety and, frankly, filth?
Hmmmm.....

I know my DH wouldn't, if I'm not 100% up for it he'd rather not bother. Whether that's because of the lack of filth (here we are again with the FMLC talk!) or just the basic decency of not wanting to have sex with a reluctant partner I wouldn't like to say but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know.
My Dh likes me to enjoy myself too.

I'm not sure I physically could service a man who'd just threatened to leave me and our DC if I didn't. Who didn't talk things over with me and try to compromise before chucking ultimatums around. I might be sick. He can get to fuck.

As long as you're servicing him every day to make him stay, you should probably make sure you're feeding him properly too. Never let him leave the house with full balls and an empty stomach, it's too risky otherwise.

I think diva is stuck in the past. what shit advice.

And yes, I am a foul mouthed lower class harridan.

It's quite obvious to me that wanting to 'carry on as normal for now' is twat-speak for 'I want to be sure my plan B option is going to work out before I leave my home comforts'.

Sex for me is as a result of being in an emotionally connected relationship.

Sex is not for achieving an emotionally connected relationship.

Sex is an expression love in a marriage, not letting somebody fuck you when you don't want it in the hope that you allowing yourself to be used is enough to stop them leaving.

What real man could enjoy that anyway?

Absolutely agree Pushing - always at work my arse.

He's playing a very clever game. Act like a complete twunt and insist that the only way that his wife (whose libido is non-existent at the moment) will be able to reconnect with him is to get on her back, whilst pinning his hopes on the chances of that happening being somewhere around zero.

And you can't 'give' somebody sex either - you can give access to your body...but sex is something you 'do with'.

This is a tough one. I've left a relationship before because of lack of sex. Sex is important to some people and I just figured if you don't want to have sex with me on a regular basis then you're wasting my time whether you love me or not. That's basically a friendship. At least he is being honest and not bottling it up while getting the leg over with some other woman. The majority of men need sex to keep them happy, it's human nature. If you lost your libido then you should have spoken to him about it and why you didn't feel like having sex and then maybe he wouldn't have felt so pushed out and it might not have come to this. If you had spoken to him and he still reacted with wanting to leave then he's clearly not supportive and not right for you and there's nothing to save. I'm kinda with Diva on this one though, if you don't keep your man happy, somebody else will. Yes we bear children, do chores, go to work ect ect but sex IS very important and has been since the dawn of time. I'm not saying whore yourself out to him but he has needs and if you don't want to fulfil them, then what do you expect of him in this marriage?

Good one rack

It's pretty obvious with a small DC why she may have lost her libido. She is not unsatisfied with the relationship. Has he come to her and discussed how it's making him feel and what they can do about it together? If not why is it her fault rather than his?

It's not pretty obvious because i wasn't aware that having children affected your libido. I've heard it does for some but unless you tell people, how are they to know it's because of DC and not that you're now turned off by your DH?? And it's not her fault at all, I sympathise with her loss of libido but she's the one who wants to save the marriage.

Good god, the amount of antiquated thinking on this thread is terrifying. Why is it on OP to speak to him about it rack? If he has a problem why did he not speak to her about it before jumping straight to 'I'm leaving'? It's him that sees it as a problem, OP realises it's a (perfectly normal) temporary reaction to having a young baby, as would most people, women and men.

Oh dear rack - time for you to come into the 21st century I think.

Because she's the one witholding a pretty important aspect of any relationship. If I didn't feel like sex and my DH kept trying, i wouldn't want him to feel like I wasn't into him like that and I'd probably just say 'sorry love, I just can't think of anything worse since having the baby, but I'm sure it won't last' put his mind at rest at least. Why would you not? It's not dated thinking at all. Sex is and as always been important in the majority of relationships.

It's not pretty obvious because i wasn't aware that having children affected your libido

Where do you live, under a rock?!!! Its a fact of life, talked about the world over, the subject of any number of stand up comedy routines and recognised by most as a normal part of life and parenthood, quite how you've managed to miss it is beyond me.