He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

back of the head. not heads. I don't have two. Which is really good as I still have a stonking great hangover.

Feck, you should start a "Time travel" fred here. I think most of us have had one of those "tap yourself on the shoulder and say 'get the fuck out' moment".

Ooo I would like that thread! I can tell you the exact moment ExP showed me who he was for the very first time, oh how I wish I'd have run a bloody mile

Loving all the positive stories beginning at around my age, that is actually really helping
I am wobble central today, it's at weekends that it hits home just how alone I am, I wish I had some plans, but I won't really speak to another adult until the school run on Monday now

Done :)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2734952-Time-travel-thread-what-would-you-tell-your-younger-self?watched=1

wish I had some plans, but I won't really speak to another adult until the school run on Monday now

In my experience, speaking to alot of adults can be vastly overrated!

Can you plan for next weekend to go out with a friend even if it is just for a coffee? What we need at times like this is a good natter with someone we can trust.

I think the fact that his texts are all about him says all you need to know, what a selfish waste of space he is.

You are young, strong, a wonderful mum and wise beyond your years. His parents must be livid with him for hurting you in this way, hope they give him hell.

If the weather's better tomorrow take the kids out to a park, a nice walk, just to get out in the fresh air, and try to plan something for next weekend so you don't feel too isolated.xx

Just wanted to say "well done" and also that you may feel like you've wasted time with him and made mistakes but the positives to come out of this are that you have lovely children and you've discovered that you have enormous strength that a lot of people don't have.

You really should feel very proud of yourself. And maybe even use this experience in the future to do something like working with and helping women that are in a similar situation.

Use your pain for your gain!

No one's ideal woman? You're a catch and don't you forget it! By the time you're ready to think about maybe having another relationship you will be so bloody awesome only the absolute cream of the crop will do, you have a lot to look forward to

Well done Capes.
You are one of the lucky ones that fits the strength to be happy again.
Your kids will have lovely memories of a happy home from this day forward

nocapes do a very very quick recall to last weekend... Where he was out all night, rocked up next day without a care in the world and went to bed all day. Then and every other time you've been on your own with the kids and not speaking to another adult.... No different, except you've ditched the weight of worry, angst and the stress he caused you. It's only a wobble. I don't need to tell you that you can do this.... You already were doing it and always have.
My son is with his dad this weekend and I haven't spoken to another adult since 4.30 yesterday 😀 It's bloody bliss! except I need to leave the house for emergency supplies now and I don't wanna wahhhh!

Think about this time last week. What were you doing? Presumably he was getting ready to go out for the night and you were rushing round making good, starting the run up to bed time and spending the evening by yourself.
So most of that is unchanged. He wouldn't be with you tonight even if you had meekly kept to your place.

What about doing something special with the Dcs? could you make some masks, painting, sticking stuff... or do some cooking? (they could take some cake to mama capes tomorrow, a short visit to say thank you....)
Keep the radio on, or the something in the background, (The Twunt medley?)
Look at what class you might be able to do when the kids are in bed. go thru you cupboards & see if you can find some outfits that make you feel nice. (ditch the leggings & frump gear) paint you nails...
Do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself.
It's inevitable you have your down moments, but Berk would be out anyway its Saturday !

Even if twuntface was there you wouldn't get to speak to an adult till Monday... You'd just have another child!

Just wanted to add another well done to the list.

very true sky!

just remind yourself of what life was like when he was/wasnt aorund dipping in an out like you were a hotel

You're all right I know I'd still be alone whether we were officially together or not
You know what I think it is? I think it's the car I miss, even if he was 'living here' and not around, I'd still have a car so could go for a wander round the park with the dog, take the kids to soft play etc etc
I just feel a bit stuck without one - I'm going to have to make a car my number one priority I think

My brother called in unexpectedly before, showing off his new tattoo, he's recently gone through a divorce so we had a brew and a chat about it all
Was nice

Is there a local car for sale group on your Facebook?
My son picked up a car with 4 months mot for £250 and it only needed a bulb and a tyre to pass it's next mot. Oh and £11 tax a month. His insurance is high as he is only 22.
Maybe when you get some backdated money xx

Random I know, but it does make me giggle that you have a song about masturbation on the twunts play list.
-I'm such a teenager-

I love you OP, missing the car more than him!

First custody battle over a car coming up! I'll have a fiver on you.

I hope this thread goes on Mumsnet Classics as a perfect example of how to deal with an arsehole ex. Maybe you could write a book about it, Capes?

Wow £250?! What a bargain!
I don't have Facebook though unfortunately - well fortunately right now because I'd be cyber stalking up a storm

Haha Cary I do miss him, with rose tinted spectacles on though, there wasn't much to miss towards the end

Mama Capes told me tonight that he'd asked her last week if she would have the kids tomorrow because 'I deserved a treat after all I'd been through' and he'd booked us a fancy lunch and some spa treatments in a hotel
I think I need you all to dissect that one for me because my first thought was 'oh that's actually really nice of him, and yes I could've done with that right now'

Oh and DS1 asked me when Daddy was coming home tonight and said he's missing him a bit

Just - 😳!!!
I don't even have any wine left!

I am a lurker but I am dropping by to offer you Alicia Keys - Brand New Me for your personal playlist.

Haha Sabine I've got it wrong waaayyyyy too many times to be considered anything if an expert - if I'm honest in just doing everything everyone on here has been telling me what to do

It sounds like he was trying to plug a breaking dan with sand.

A fancy lunch and some spa treatments won't change the fact he was never there. Not should it make up for it, and be his "big grand gesture" to keep you sweet, and stop you nagging too much.

Checking in Capes, youre doing amazingly, it is hard at weekends i know... But like a pp said think how the BERK disrespected you just one week ago, bastard, he doesnt deserve you thinking about him. Sending support :) xx