He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

"offer" , soz.

Yes the kids asked where he was yesterday (can't believe I forgot to tell you all! pissed as a fart ) but only because they asked where the car was, so I made them a hot chocolate, put my best gentle voice and sat them down, told them Daddy had moved out, they would still see him, he loves them and will miss them very much yada yada yada - they cared not one jot! Asked if we were keeping the PlayStation and DD said "so no more big days out?" I said we were and of course we would still have days out, and they were fine! DS1 actually seemed quite pleased

And yes I'm waiting for forms to come through for child tax credit, housing benefit/council tax reduction and income support
Mama Capes wouldn't let me struggle for food/nappies etc, and school mum friend has already told me she wouldn't let me struggle whilst I'm waiting
I would never ask him for money anyway - he'd bloody love that!

I have no intention of keeping the kids from him at all, and I think he knows that
But he hasn't asked to see them or even discuss seeing them yet, so I'm waiting for it to come from him, the more time I can spend without seeing him the better for me so I'm fine to just wait a little bit

My lie in was amazing! CapeDog came up in the night and slept on the bottom of the bed though, she used to sleep downstairs with ExP, I think she's missing him the most out of everyone!

So when he has text you has he ever asked if you are OK and asked if you needed anything?

Well done for telling the kids. That can be a big moment and it sounds like you (and they) handled it brilliantly. Onwards and upwards!

6 no there are no questions at all in his texts, just lots of whining about how upset he is 🙄

well done nocapes -the kids seem fine sad as it is proves how much he done with them doesnt it

seems like u have a wonderful mother and friend which of course helps massively

Yeah he is missing you all SO much that he hasn't even asked to his DC...

Say no more! Says even more that the DC aren't even bothered to ask to see him!

KOKO

I'm sure having to pay CMS will choke him, I wonder if his mother has given him short shrift hence desperate to leave there?

Yay! Well done Capes

So happy for you

Capes, Well Done, that was a huge moment telling the kids, & we weren't there to congratulate & hand hold...

Well done re benefits. He will have to pay at least the basic CAMS payment, I would get it done officially, so that the money is taken at source & you never have to remind or go "begging".

Asyou know, he WILL move on, he will get a new life, flat, etc. & at some point will resent payments he is obliged to pay for the next 18 years !!

Meanwhile, You deserve a medal for strength & being an amazing Mum, & fantastic example. all in 6 DAYS ! (Huge doffing of hat :o)

Morning Capes
Saw this and thought of you 😘

Ach, ma heed. >groans

I've been lying in bed lazy this morning reading your thread capes and I think you're awesome. You brought back memories from almost exactly 8 1/2 years ago when I kicked out an equally useless waste of space. I didn't cry either. I'd done all that. It was the feeling of realising how much less stressful my life was without him in it.
I'm not saying it was all easy. He did turn into an absolute arise hole when he panicked and realised I was deadly serious. The I love you messages stopped and the nastiness started. He also threatened suicide. I pointed out people that are serious about suicide rarely announce it to the world and he was just attention seeking. I was able to because by that point I was strong enough to not go backwards. I'd already tasted what life was like without him and knew how much better it was.
Nearly 9 years down the line we managed civil a long time ago. He moved in with another woman a matter of months after we split and he sees our dc for one night around every 6 weeks if they are un lucky. Dd is a teenager now and can barely be arsed with him. Ds1 doesn't remember any different but is starting to see his dad for what he is without any input from me.
I have married a great man. That loves and respects me and the dc. I have another child and started uni last week. Life is good. You will look back in 10 years and some of it will have been tough but you will be proud of yourself. You will have your self respect and be so bloody glad you didn't waste that 10 years on him.
Keep strong you are doing a great job and you should feel really proud of yourself.

He really is showing his true colours now.

You are being amazing Capes, it is so good to hear.

Salvage

Dreams so glad things worked out well for you, I love reading all the happy ending stories people have been posting
I'm under no illusions I will be meeting anyone else of course, besides having no time I hardly think a 26 year old mum of 3 would be anyone's ideal woman, but I really really wouldn't even want anyone else for a very long time anyway

Buzzard these are not his true colours, this is him in nice mode, just you wait till he does get pissed off
It's really not pretty

Don't assume nobody would want you at all capes. My SIL came out of a horrible relationship with 3 dc and met my db shortly afterwards...

nocapes in that case then, when nasty starts we can all have another fun round of bingo to keep your spirits up. Maybe we should make up some proper cards so we can dab them.

Capes I'm another lurker coming out of the woodwork and just wanted to say how impressive you are. You went from (very understandably) scared and resigned to action in a matter of hours and you've made a decision that will improve yours and the kids lives no end. You should be very proud.

I started out on my own aged 35 and my life is pretty sweet now!

The best is yet to come Capes. X

I can't believe I missed the party last night. We went out for dinner as it was twins bday I only had two drinks and fell asleep on the sofa. Was in bed by 10pm how very sad is that!
So glad you're sticking to you guns. You deserve so much more than the idiot. I listened to the Twunts playlist on Spotify some good songs on there.
You sell yourself short nocapes I think there are a lot of men out there who'd think you were just perfect for them.

I hadn't spotted that before. 26?! >snort< Spring chicken. Your life is far from over.

Well done capes! Stay strong! Remember you are showing your children that you and they deserve better. You'll all be much happier in the long run. Don't let him squirrel his way back in! Def encourage him to have a relationship with his kids tho.

Delurking to say well done Capes! I saw your thread last weekend but when you left it, so did I and I've just caught up. I'm so pleased for you, it sounds like you know you've made the right choice and youve got such great support, both on here and IRL.

Shows just how pointless he was when even the kids noticed the car was missing rather than their dad!

Stay strong

26 is nothing! How did you get so wise so young capes? Wowzers!
You will meet someone else,when you are ready. And you will be wise enough to pick a good un and ensure that he treats you as you deserve.
I can't believe he hasn't even asked how you all are. Well I can believe it actually-cockthistle.
Good for the kids taking it in their stride.
I'm proud of you stranger off the Interweb!

I was 28 when I came put of that relationship and married last year. Trust me there are good men out there. I know lots of women come out of crap relationships with children and met amazing men. You are 26 your life is by no means over in the slightest. Yes you will need time to heal yourself but you will meet someone eventually and I know there will be a time eventually when you feel ready to. When I met dh I didn't want anything serious neither did he but all that changed and we are very happy now. The scars of the previous relationship did me a favour in the end. I was not prepared to settle this time. When I started dating I was pretty ruthless and rarely had a second date with people. I was in a place where I was ok on my own and knew I didn't need anyone but I wanted someone and if they were less than great I wasn't seeing them again.

29 when I got out. 2 DC. met the current Mr Feck when I was 35 with two rambunctious young teens (in the meantime I'd got myself a good independant life - work, friends, etc) that was 15 years ago - the DC come round to visit him as much (sometimes more) than me. Just make sure that the next Mr Capes is right for you and your DC. You be the picky one.

I still miss my single independant years a little bit ... I had a fair bit of fun, achieved a lot independently and am so proud of my younger self. Although I do wish I could go back to my 16 year old self and give her a slap around the back of the heads and shout 'He's not got hidden depths, hes got hidden shallows! Throw him back!'