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Original poster

Dh wants to give away entire 6 figure inheritance...

382 replies

Drizl · 07/09/2016 23:34

We've been together for 22 years and married for 16. Until now everything was great but this latest issue might just break us apart. My mil moved in next door to us 10yrs ago so we could help her out. My dh was round there every day tending to her and she was frequently here at ours. She has since died and dh is the sole heir to her substantial estate. He (we?) will inherit a large 6 figure sum. Dh announced earlier tonight that it's his intention to give away the entire sum to charity as we are moderately well off and there are people out there who really need it. I'm so unhappy he has taken this decision unilaterally. There is so much work needs doing on our house and I have to make do with his Heath Robinson repairs. We could pay our mortgage off and still have spare change but he won't hear of it. I'm furious the subject is not even up for discussion. He believes it's his sole decision what happens as only he is named in the will. I feel really hurt about his lack of willingness to even have a discussion about it and it's making me question our whole relationship. We're supposed to be a partnership. What do you think?

OP posts:
dontwannapullahammie · 07/09/2016 23:56

They've been married 16 years of course the money is hers too

WinchesterWoman · 07/09/2016 23:57

If you lodge divorce papers does it freeze the money

I don't k bin ow much about this kind of thing

junebirthdaygirl · 07/09/2016 23:58

Already the inheritance is causing trouble. Sometimes it seems that this nearly always happens where money is concerned. I wouldn't be happy for him to give it all away. If my dh had an inheritance l would expect him to give me an amount as a gift to do what l wanted with then he could give away the rest if he wanted. If he does this there is always going to be trouble as as soon as a financial difficulty arises you will think it's all his fault. Could someone else talk to him who doesn't stand to gain from it.

NoMudNoLotus · 07/09/2016 23:58

Of course the money is half hers!!

Some people have weird ideas of what marriage & partnership is .

NoMudNoLotus · 08/09/2016 00:00

Op If only in the best interests of my DC I would be pushing this to the enth degree.

stonecircle · 08/09/2016 00:00

What a shame he didn't make his feelings clear before your MIL died - she could have bypassed him and left her estate to her grandchildren. Does it not bother him that he's going against her wishes? Clearly she didn't want her estate to go to charity or she'd have done so herself.

I'm not sure I could forgive my DH if he did something like that. It seems foolish in the extreme not to pay off your mortgage when you have the chance.

When I inherited part of my mum's estate, DH and I discussed and agreed what to do with the money.

Is it unusual for him to make unilateral decisions, regardless of your views?

Swirlingasong · 08/09/2016 00:01

He's grieving. It can feel horrible to get an inheritance ' in place' of a loved one and I understand the urge to just give it all away. I wouldn't list all that you and he could use it for just now, but get him to agree to hang fire for 6 months or so so that you can think properly what to do with it. If I was giving away that sort of sum I would want time to properly research where it was going and where it would do most good.

zzzzz · 08/09/2016 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 08/09/2016 00:01

He's obviously grieving. I lost my dad nearly 2yrs ago, and I initially found it incredibly difficult to reconcile having his money as an inheritance. I felt it almost grubby to deal with his private affairs. It didn't feel like my money.

But clearly, his mum would have wanted him to have it - don't let him do anything rash. He would be foolish to give it all away. I understand why you're furious, I would be too.

BombadierFritz · 08/09/2016 00:01

if she filed for divorce now I dont think she would be entitled to half of it, nor in future if he keeps it separate from family finances.

gillybeanz · 08/09/2016 00:02

It isn't the OP money as well, but any nice sane person would use it to benefit their family.
I looked on it as the families money for me to manage, so had the final say how it is spent.
Make him a list of everything that needs doing to maintain and improve your home. some ideas of costs for the children that will be extra.

I'm sorry but your "Heath Robinson" made me lol.

dowhatnow · 08/09/2016 00:02

This lack of regard for you feelings and the refusal to discuss it cuts deep. No wonder you are furious and feel the rug has been pulled out from under your feet.

blueshoes · 08/09/2016 00:02

"Divorce him asap then all his assets will be divided up and you'll get a half share."

This

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 08/09/2016 00:05

WOW
OP are you for real?
Your KIDS, bloody hell, your KIDS? This could help set them up for life!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 08/09/2016 00:05

Yes divorce him asap the selfish bastard and at least you'll get half of it but act quickly

BombadierFritz · 08/09/2016 00:06

god you lot are incredibly horrible :(. he has just lost his mum. its shock and grief. but yeah just divorce him :(

TheSilveryPussycat · 08/09/2016 00:06

When will he come into his inheritance? These things take a fair while.

Tootsiepops · 08/09/2016 00:12

I inherited a six figure sum from my mum when she died suddenly in April. My first instinct was to get rid of it all as quickly as possible. The money choked me and I hated having it and not her and I also felt suffocated by the responsibility of it all. I was am also kinda mad at her for dying and I couldn't take it out on her, so taking it out on her money seemed like the next best thing.

In the end, I was forced in to a cooling off period anyway as the money wasn't available to me instantly whilst legal stuff was wrapped up. I'm pretty glad I couldn't act given the very confused state I was in and the way I felt, but I did give small amounts to family and some to charity in the end.

BlueFolly · 08/09/2016 00:13

So he has debts i.e. a mortgage, and he wants to give away a lump sum. God I'd be fuming!

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 08/09/2016 00:14

It's probably just a reaction to his grief. Give him time. Pressuring him will only make him dig his heels in and it would be a shame to leave such a long-standing relationship over this.

WankingMonkey · 08/09/2016 00:22

Thats crazy...also does he realise how little of cash donations actually go to the charities cause?! I would be trying to convince him to keep most of it, then use the rest to (for example) buy a boatload of new toys and give them to a childrens hospital or something :S

MeganBacon · 08/09/2016 00:30

it's his decision but i think he's extremely unwise to give away so much money when you have not yet paid off your own mortgage. Why not suggest he makes a will and leaves some surplus money to charity in that, rather than paying the charity now out of his mother"s estate? So his own estate would ensure mortgage paid off and you are taken care of and an amount surplus to those basic requirements can be earmarked for charity.

SandyY2K · 08/09/2016 00:34

Seems odd that he wouldn't want to pay off the mortgage that he's paying anyway, as you don't work.

I really don't think I could continue a marriage or ever feel the same about my DH if he went through with this.

SherlockStones · 08/09/2016 00:41

Wow at some of you suggesting divorce when his mother just died and over money no less.

Some are quick to eject when it suits.

lovelynannytobe · 08/09/2016 00:47

I think I'm the only one here thinking it's just money. Who cares? runs and hides

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