Dh wants to give away entire 6 figure inheritance...

[Drizl]

We've been together for 22 years and married for 16. Until now everything was great but this latest issue might just break us apart. My mil moved in next door to us 10yrs ago so we could help her out. My dh was round there every day tending to her and she was frequently here at ours. She has since died and dh is the sole heir to her substantial estate. He (we?) will inherit a large 6 figure sum. Dh announced earlier tonight that it's his intention to give away the entire sum to charity as we are moderately well off and there are people out there who really need it. I'm so unhappy he has taken this decision unilaterally. There is so much work needs doing on our house and I have to make do with his Heath Robinson repairs. We could pay our mortgage off and still have spare change but he won't hear of it. I'm furious the subject is not even up for discussion. He believes it's his sole decision what happens as only he is named in the will. I feel really hurt about his lack of willingness to even have a discussion about it and it's making me question our whole relationship. We're supposed to be a partnership. What do you think?

For many people, some ways of " doing good " would be supporting their own family, helping their children onto the housing ladder or to get an education, setting up saving accounts for grandchildren, helping a neighbour out of debt, buy a disabled relative a car, paying for a weekly cleaner for a harassed single mum

Or even just ensuring that they are not a burden on the state in their old age
These are all good things .

It's not just two choices - giving it to charity or spending it on yourself

Of course he's grieving and should totally be supported in that. And if the OP wanted half to piss up the wall then I wouldn't agree with that. But if my DH gave away a substantial amount of money with no consultation, when that money was badly needed and could be used to benefit the future of our family, then I would have to think seriously about his view of our future and that of our children.

But whatever else, let the man mourn his mother first.

The term 'profiting from the death of your parents' is horrible. I was executor to my father's estate less than 2yrs ago, and it was horrible. Took ages to sort out, was horrific to go through all his financial details, while grieving, and was the worst thing I've ever had to do.

But I had to do it. I would rather have him back, but I don't have that choice.

I'm not at all sure he'd have been happy if I gave his money/my inheritance away, whereas I know he would have enjoyed the thought of it going to his children and grandchildren.

Yesterday I paid ds2's rent for next term (2nd year uni). When he thanked me I told him it was grandma who paid it really as it came out of the money she left us. This would have made DM incredibly happy as she had expressed hopes that this would happen. It made me incredibly happy to be facilitating something which would have made DM so happy. It also meant DS stopped and smiled and talked about DM for a while. If that's 'profiting from death' then I can't see anything wrong with it.

Profiting from death is an absolutely horrible term to use, with all sorts of nasty implications behind it. If you've been left money in a will it's because somebody wanted you to have it.

stone that's not aimed at you, I know you're quoting someone else.

Well, if anyone is going to profit from my death, I bloody well hope it's my kids and my grandkids!