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Original poster

We don't agree on babies name ....

185 replies

user1471888857 · 04/09/2016 14:30

I know it's a joint decision but I feel so strongly about this.
My late mum died when I was 11.
She was my best friend and we were always together and I'm now 30 and not 1 day goes by I don't think about her.
I'm an only child and I always said if I had a daughter I would name her after her.
Her name was Dinah ..now I know it's a old fashioned name but I don't care.
It feels right and the thought of not calling her Dinah makes me upset.
My Oh says we aren't calling her that and he wants to call her Lisa.
I don't want it has her middle name.
I know I'm being unreasonable but I just really want this.
I feel like my mums memory will live on and she will always be a part of us this way.
I know I'm being selfish.
I don't know what to do :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 04/09/2016 16:32

I think my mum would be honoured I named my daughter after her.
I feel like in a way she will always be around us this way.
I've got a teddy with my name tag on that my mum bought me before I was born..I've got that put aside to take to the hospital to go in with her as soon as she's born (it's been washed)

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 04/09/2016 16:32

My mum took it to the hospital for me for when I was born

OP posts:
Joysmum · 04/09/2016 16:36

The greatest way we honour and respect my MIL is by talking about her to our DD and sharing some of the values she had, even though we don't share them. The name means nothing, enduring her memory lives on through our daughter is what keeps MILs continued influence on the world.

Coconutty · 04/09/2016 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty · 04/09/2016 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 04/09/2016 16:40

I can sympathise with both points of view.
My DH's family have a tradition that the firstborn son has the grandfathers name as a middle name, the second has the fathers son as a middle name.

He told me this shortly after we first got together and I told him flat out I wouldn't even consider it. His dad has the first name of an awful man who my DM would hate to be reminded of every time she saw a grandchild.
I did however agree that if we married and had children, I and they would take his surname.

However, if your DH felt as strongly as I did then I would have assumed he would have brought this up in the past, so the fact that he didn't makes me think he's just being awkward.

Does have any reason not to like Dinah (which I think is lovely) or is it just that he prefers Lisa or Molly?

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2016 16:44

I'm really sorry but if your dh doesn't like it, I don't think you should use it. I'd say he same if he were pushing for his late mum's name that you hated. He's going to say that band every day, so he really should have an equal say in what it is. There's definitely a case for giving it to her as a second middle name though-he doesn't have to use it at all then.

Good luck with your new arrival and I hope you can find a name you can both agree on. Sorry for the loss of your mum too, times like this bring it all back. Flowers

sofato5miles · 04/09/2016 16:45

I was married as DH wanted his children to have his surname. If i wasn't then our childten would have had mine. As i gave birth i had final say in all 3 of ours but he had vetoed some each time. Gregory, Rafferty and Ottilie being a few Grin

sofato5miles · 04/09/2016 16:46

And Lisa is awful. Dinah is lively but, far more importantly, an incredibly emtional choice for you.

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2016 16:47

As i gave birth i had final say in all 3 of ours

Confused How is that fair? Last time I checked men were incapable of pregnancy.

sofato5miles · 04/09/2016 16:57

You may not see it as fair but DH did. We had whittled it down to 3 each time and he was so delirious after 2 hideous births, he would have agreed to anything!

rosegoldie · 04/09/2016 17:06

Lisa is very dated and 80s!

Dinah is lovely and fits in well with the popular names at the moment which do hark back to the 40s and 50s.

Perhaps you could both find another name you both like as a first name and use Dinah as a middle name?

I think he's being quite insensitive to not 'understand' why you'd want to call your daughter that.

I hope you come to a resolution xxx

pinkyredrose · 04/09/2016 17:15

Went is the baby having his surname? And he wants to dictate the first name too? Tell him it's not his decision, you're not married so he has no right to decide on names.

pinkyredrose · 04/09/2016 17:16

Why not went

GingerbreadGingerbread · 04/09/2016 17:20

He's being an arsehole. If you love someone and something means that much to them you do it to make them happy. You losing your mum as a child is huge. I wouldn't let it drop at all.

Out of interest why aren't you married? Are you planning to get married? How would he feel if your daughter had your surname not his?

Joysmum · 04/09/2016 17:23

I love my DH more than anything but no, I would not have given our DD a name I didn't like just to please him. I'd compromise and have it as a middle name though.

Desmondo2016 · 04/09/2016 17:24

You'll probably find during the emotions of the Labour you can get him to agree to pretty much anything. I wouldn't even mention it again until then!

Footle · 04/09/2016 17:28

Dinah is beautiful and strong, and was on my shortlist years ago. I would have agreed to a name I didn't much like if it was to honour a parent who died when partner was very young.

BengalCatMum · 04/09/2016 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wizzler · 04/09/2016 17:37

Dinah was on my short list, I love it but dont like Lisa at all.

If you wanted a ridiculous / out there name I could understand his reluctance, but it is a beautiful name, and you have a veryvalid reason for wanting to use it.OHIBU

coolerthanthereddress · 04/09/2016 17:43

Your DP has chosen the baby's last name (his name) so you get to choose the first name.

Propertyquandry · 04/09/2016 17:46

If he hated it that much then he shouldn't be having children with the op knowing how much it means to her. I'd DH had said no children or had wanted our boys cut or anything else that I fundamentally opposed then I would not have had children with him however much I loved him. This isn't just a name she likes. It has massive connotations and the op's emotional wellbeing wrapped in with it. He must have known and therefore he should have made the decision before having children.

Trifleorbust · 04/09/2016 18:01

I wouldn't call my child a name I really didn't like, sentimental or not. Sorry, OP. I would suggest Dinah as a middle name instead.

Trifleorbust · 04/09/2016 18:02

Sorry that this is clearly such a difficult issue for you - I totally understand why.

Propertyquandry · 04/09/2016 18:04

Then you don't have a baby with someone who feels so strongly in their heart that that is the only name they can use. You tell her this before you make the decision to procreate.