We don't agree on babies name ....

[user1471888857]

I know it's a joint decision but I feel so strongly about this.
My late mum died when I was 11.
She was my best friend and we were always together and I'm now 30 and not 1 day goes by I don't think about her.
I'm an only child and I always said if I had a daughter I would name her after her.
Her name was Dinah ..now I know it's a old fashioned name but I don't care.
It feels right and the thought of not calling her Dinah makes me upset.
My Oh says we aren't calling her that and he wants to call her Lisa.
I don't want it has her middle name.
I know I'm being unreasonable but I just really want this.
I feel like my mums memory will live on and she will always be a part of us this way.
I know I'm being selfish.
I don't know what to do :-(

Perhaps you could point out that a lot of classic and traditionally old-fashioned names are becoming popular again; a few years ago Molly would be seen as old-fashioned... then people like Phillip Schofield called his daughter Molly and it seemed to come back into fashion. Sometimes calling a baby a name like that suddenly changes how the name is perceived. After all, children of your DD's age won't consider it old-fashioned because they don't know any different. That's how names come back round into fashion.

Just throwing this out there as a possible compromise - would he consider a slightly different pronunciation of it? Dee-nah rather than die-nah? It's a slightly more modern take on it. Obviously you want to call her exactly as your mum was called, which is understandable, but if it opens your OH's mind to it a bit... ? Keeps your mum's name but allows your OH's views to be considered too. Just an idea.

Dinah is a lovely name and it means so much to you. I hope DH can come to see that in time. Stick to your guns!

Agree, let him pick baby number two's name.....or the 'puppy'!

I think he's being massively unreasonable. In most cases I'd say you need to find a compromise but in these circumstances he needs to suck it up. He can always call her a derivative nn if he chooses.

I presume he's know this almost as long as he's known you so he's had plenty of time to get his head around this. When you married he knew his first daughter would have this name. You will regret it forever if you don't use the name.

No way would I let DH chose a name I didn't like as a first name. No matter how sentimental.

It has to be a joint decision.

I think you are being unfair here.

I've said the next one (God willing) he can name whatever he wants.
No objections from me ..well unless it's something ridiculous Like Tarzan.

You see, you are already saying he can name the next one "but not if its...."!

That's not fair!

He's being an arse imo.
If you are looking for a compromise can I ask if your surname or your mothers maiden name might be suitable as a first name, some are.

Or, is there a variation of dinah you could agree on? Inspired by your mothers name, but different? Diana? Diane? Deanna/Deanne? (Stronger E not I sound).

Or Dionne? (Knew there was another one similar). Sorry if this isn't a helpful idea.

This might sound strange but has he seen it written down? Lisa is too 80s, Molly too common, Dinah is fab. I just wonder though if he's got it stuck in his head as 'Diner' as in greasy spoon cafe which could have created negative connotations with him. I hope you get what I mean.

You have very valid strong reasons for wanting to name your daughter Dinah. I think your dh is being unreasonable. This obviously means a huge amount to you, and his objection to the name being old fashioned is much less significant than you having planned for decades to honour your mum. "Pensioners' names" are v fashionable now anyway, so his argument against doesn't stack up.

You don't need to name baby until around 40 days after birth, so you don't necessarily need to decide now. After our babies were born both dh and I were much more relaxed about the name choice, just having our lovely baby was enough, the name seemed far less important.

I do think the woman has the edge with name picking here with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and naming the baby being the first big decision. Definitely a mutually chosen name is best by far, but in a complete stalemate where one party will be disappointed, I don't think it should be the person who has carried the baby and born all the responsibility up until that point.

If you really can't reach an agreement tbh that bodes poorly for raising a child together as there are an awful lot of decisions to make together....

Are you married?
Whose surname will baby have?

And Dinah is an absolutely beautiful name.
Not at all old fashioned.

Lisa is v dated.

Hopelessly - a man can't equally chose a name for his child a'ong with his partner because he's unable to give birth? Even if he wanted to? Bollocks to that. How unfair.

You have to find a compromise first name you both like. Dinah, Molly and Lisa should only be middle names in this scenario.

He says when he thinks of Dinah he thinks of the song he sang at school...
We aren't married no ..but will have oh surname.
My mum was never married so no maiden name and the surname is very much a surname ..

Dinah is a lovely name. I really like it and it has such a special significance to you. Does it go well with your future daughter's surname?

If your partner is really dead set against it then although your Mum didn't have a middle name would her maiden name or a variation of it be a suitable name to use instead? Failing that is there a variation of Dinah that you could agree on something like Dana perhaps?

We had three names picked. One we both liked, one he liked and one that I liked and after our DS was born and we looked at him and held him for the first time the name we both liked was the one that suited him the best.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Oops just noticed no suitable maiden name for your Mum. Sorry. Cross posted.

Throughthickandthin, but he has married her knowing this. If my husband had said at the start that his first born daughter must be called after his dead mother and that he couldn't consider anything else as this was a massively emotional thing for him them I'd have known that was what would happen. Due to the circumstances I would have gone along with it unless she was called something obscene or offensive regardless of whether I liked the name or not as I love him and I'd want to honour his emotional attachment to his mother's name. Both my mother and MIL are dead. As it happens, they shared a first name and our only DD has been given that name even though it's not a name either of us particularly like.

My husband's best friend died a couple of years before we had our son. We always said we would call him after best friend (lovely name in its own right as well) but shortly before he was born I suddenly changed my mind. I was happy to use his best friend's name as a middle name but I wanted DS to be his own person, with his own first name, and not going through life with a first name that was so associated with tragedy and dying young. My DH, luckily for me, understood this and we found a first name we both loved and used his friend's name as a middle name.

Fwiw my DH always suggested 80s names like Lisa and Debbie for our kids. I think it was because he had known nice girls with those names, but I vetoed.

I hope you find a way forward you can both agree on .

I think it's still unfair property. She said he hates the name. Maybe he hoped she didn't mean it, would changer get mind, it might never come to fruition, that they they might have boys, etc. Many people wouldn't fight about something in the distant future they think may not even come up.

Say to him- imagine you get a phone call now and you're told your mum has died. Your mum who you love more than anything else in the whole world. This is the one thing you could do to honour her memory- would you not do it??

And if she'd said she was adamant she didn't want children, would that have been something left to the distant future? This isn't as if she told him she just always loved the name and wanted to use it and he hoped to talk her out of it. She wants to use a name that has massive sentimental value to her. I think everyone suggesting variations are missing the point too.its not that she likes the name and he doesn't do find something else similar. Her mother died when she was 11. It's this name she wants. He is being very unreasonable IMO. As I said, we used our mothers' name even though we didn't love the name and in fact there's one similar that's very pretty but it's not our mothers' name so it may as well have been vastly different as very similar.

There's no way I would have called my daughter my late MILs name, I don't like it.

I suggested it as her middle name so that's what she has. If this were a father trying to dictate a baby's name then he'd be told to compromise and have it as a middle name.

Ok, I'm going to type something hugely cynical and will probably get flamed for it but.... Why not say 'ok, let's leave the discussion til after she 's here'. I found that after my children were delivered (particularly number 1 which was a v traumatic delivery) my husband was so in awe and apologetic for what I had gone through that he would have agreed to absolutely anything I suggested. Even now he still buys me flowers and gifts on the kid's birthdays to thank me for going through that.......

I decided against calling my ds my fathers name even though my dh was willing.

I wanted ds to have his own name in his own right and not have the legacy of someone else's name.

So my df is his middle name. I feel I have honoured him, but still given my ds his own identity.

Also want to add that my daughter was named after my beloved late grandma. No discussion. OH was fine with this because he loved me and understood it was important to me. I think your husband is being a bit unreasonable and i hope he changes his mind for you. Dinah is a beautiful name.

Dinah is beautiful. I don't like Lisa at all.

My mum named me after my nan..my uncle is named after his dad.
My mum was named After he Aunty..my uncle named his son John after himself.
Our family is full of big John little John,big Louise little Louise,big Alfie little Alfie.
We all laugh how our family couldn't choose a name to save their life.