Brassneck? Flowergirl needed, answer me this...

[marybrian]

We're getting married and we have a modest budget. We decided to have one bridesmaid only from each side to keep costs down and keep it fair and simple. My fiance's niece has accepted the role on his side, she's about 10 and we're delighted. On my side the only children are step-relatives. I asked the parents of one lovely girl we see often (also 10) if she'd like to be our bridesmaid/flowergirl & make up a 'matching pair' ( I stupidly thought the two girls could enjoy each others company for the day). Well the girl on my side, her parents said to me it was 'unreasonable' that I ask only one of their dds (the other is 4). That I take them both or have nothing at all! How can other people be so rude as to dictate like this? I think they're being totally unreasonable. I had no choice but to withdraw my offer saying we only had a budget for one child from each side and that we'd have to regretfully withdraw our offer as we couldn't fulfill their wishes and we've now asked someone else instead. Tell me you agree with me?

The bride asked the ten year old so she matched the other bridesmaid, not because she loves her, likes her, spends time with her.

Christ on a bike.

The wedding story was that the bride was four years older than me and one year older than my sister.

The bride asked the ten year old so she matched the other bridesmaid

She also asked her because she thought they'd get along well and have fun together, being a similar age. Quite thoughtful, really.

My daughter was upset just yesterday at finding out she wasn't invited to her cousin's wedding. I sympathised with her, acknowledged that she felt sad.

Today, she's forgotten about it. Life goes on.

Teaching kids resilience is more important than trying to avoid all possible sadness.

Thus is telling the other child they can't play football but you have to watch your sibling doing it

The football thing happens a lot when one sibling is talented, and plays in a team, and the other one isn't and doesn't. You go to support your family and enjoy their opportunities, and have a kick about at home with your mates. In the same way the 4 year old can have a nice dress and will probably get loads of attention just for being 4 years old looking cute at a wedding with a load of older rellies anyway.

The younger Dd may never get a chance to be a bridesmaid.

But then she might. And so what if she doesn't? Many kids don't and survive it. Her sister might not now, either. Her life might - probably will - include many many different opportunities to that of her older sister. None of which will affect their relationship for life.

In this case it would have been very clear that the bridesmaiding was being done by bigger girls. It's not like there were twins and one was left out, or 12 4 year old cousins were all doing it apart from this one.