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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Only person that isn't invited is me ...

286 replies

user1471888857 · 22/08/2016 19:09

Me and my best friend have been friends for 14 years.
About 6 years she introduced me to a friend of hers from work and since then me and about 7 other girls have gone on nights out and concerts etc.
One of the girls (we will call her lucy ) is getting married.
My friend invited me on the hen night and we went away for two nights.
I bought her a present and paid towards her hotel and travel etc.
It's the wedding Sunday and I haven't been invited..now I expected not to be invited to the ceremony but I thought she would of invited me to the reception.
I'm the only one not going.
My friend keeps telling me how excited she is and how the girls are all staying in a hotel.
I feel stupid for even going on the hen night (only one from the hen night not going)
The reception everyone has to pay for their own drinks anyway so it's not like they would have to pay for meal or anything.
I just think it's a bit mean I guess and I feel like they must not even like me.
Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
pasic · 23/08/2016 14:51

Just as I suspected, she's a frenemy. Oh how sad OP.

JJbum · 23/08/2016 14:59

So from what you have said now:
The bride have a list of names to the organiser of the hen do, your friend, of the people she wanted to invite. There were also some people she wanted to exclude. Your were named as someone to invite.
The friend organising the hen do then invited you, as the bride had requested.

Okay. That sounds pretty normal. A bride usually picks who comes to the hen do butdoesn't usually organise it herself, so the invitations to that/messages about it are usually sent out by whoever is organising it. With that in mind, it would seem you WERE invited to the hen do by the bride - or your friend lied to you.

It then does seem strange that you weren't invited to the wedding (but as I said in an earlier post, that has happened to me). So have you asked another friend, not the shit stirring hen do organiser, if you are invited to the wedding or not? Perhaps one of them could double check with the bride and let you know - they could do with with a casual "so is user coming to your wedding?" It may be that your invitation didn't reach you and then your main friend has told everyone else you weren't invited as you both assumed you're not.

If it's confirmed that you were definitely not invited and not wanted there, then you're not unreasonable to be hurt but don't let it drag you down and don't let it push you out of friendships with others who do value you,

pasic · 23/08/2016 15:00

Might not be relevant but does your "friend" have weight issues?

MrsCampbellBlack · 23/08/2016 15:09

I get why you are upset. And one of your later updates says the bride did ask for you to be invited to the hen do so it is odd she then didn't invite you her evening party.

From your most recent post though I would be very wary of your friend - she seems to be delighting in winding you up and making you feel bad about not being invited.

WoburnSands · 23/08/2016 15:12

I'd feel put out by this OP. It happened to me but in a work situation not friendship group. I felt put out - but the following year something lovely happened far better than that that rendered my 'rejection' irrelevant.

Drbint · 23/08/2016 15:13

I think that the best thing you can do here is tell your 'friend' that she's a fucking bore and find someone better to spend time with. She sounds an utter bitch.

WoburnSands · 23/08/2016 15:17

Oliversmumsarmy - yes, fair enough. I'm not exactly comparing like with like. What may be sort of relevant to this situation is that the fact that I was being invited by a third party and wasn't that close to the bride made me sort of 'smell a rat' if you like, and not really want to bother with the whole situation !!

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 15:17

I was getting myself far too wound up earlier.
Calmed down now.
Deffo not invited as they girls have been planning to stay in a hotel and booked a limo to take them to the church and reception etc.
I don't really want to mention it to the other girl as she would most deffo tell the bride and future meetings would be awkward.
My friend does want to loose weight but I doubt that's the reason she says what she says..ever since our college days she's done the same but 1 on 1 she's fine..doesn't mention my weight or anything.

OP posts:
WoburnSands · 23/08/2016 15:18

Just to add to my above post ,invited to both hen and wedding

WoburnSands · 23/08/2016 15:20

OP I know this may be know consolation atm, but bearing in mind everything you've said I think you've had a lucky escape!!

pasic · 23/08/2016 15:44

Do you really believe that your friend has your very best interests at heart OP? You have become used to how this friendship operates and I'm not sure you're seeing it clearly at all.

Go back and read the whole thread again with a fresh perspective.

Arfarfanarf · 23/08/2016 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

msgrinch · 23/08/2016 15:56

Let it go! Its a non issue. You sound very young and needy. It must be exhausting being "friends" with you!

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 16:22

I'm neither young or needy just been brought up to treat others how you expect to be treated.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 16:23

I know what you mean..sometimes I do wonder my friends motives for things.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 16:24

How is being upset your not invited to a "friends" wedding being needy?
Can you explain?

OP posts:
Hotwaterbottle1 · 23/08/2016 16:35

Now you've explained a bit more I can see your point. Do you intend to keep socialising with these "friends". If not I'd say something (in a nice way) as you have nothing to lose.

pasic · 23/08/2016 16:35

OP, you say you wonder what your friend's motives are sometimes.

Have you heard the saying that "the looker on sees most"?

Lots of us are looking on and seeing very clearly where your problems lie.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 16:43

I don't think I could now could I?
Being the odd one out.

I think I'm obvious to my friend at times.
I've never been anything but nice to her

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 23/08/2016 16:47

Bloody hell.

Maki79 · 23/08/2016 17:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the posters request.

pictish · 23/08/2016 17:28

Let it go! Its a non issue. You sound very young and needy. It must be exhausting being "friends" with you!

Omg! Shock
How very rude and unnecessary indeed!

OP of course yanbu. You don't sound young, needy or exhausting. You sound like someone who is understandably shocked and hurt by a rejection you didn't expect or deserve. I'm really sorry that this has happened. x

Choceeclair123 · 24/08/2016 11:21

I think you're getting a hard time here OP although I think some posters have been understanding and supportive. I can see why you'd feel hurt and upset. Sounds like there are some catty females in this group. Do you think they're just plain envious of your slim figure and how well you dress / keep yourself? They're not worth it lovely. Their problem not yours. Find yourself some friends who are a little more mature and less insecure.

springwaters · 24/08/2016 11:40

Are you sure that you have not been invited? Invitations can go astray. Has the bride actually told you that you are not invited?

sadie9 · 24/08/2016 12:21

Like another post said, the simple fact is you are not that close to the bride.
You can't be everyone's friend all the time. Some people are just not your sort of person. It doesn't mean anything bad about you. We have a stronger connection to some people more than others, it just happens that way. You have a need for connection and belonging, and sometimes this group provides that.
However if you developed other social things on your own bat that might help balance out your dependence on this group for all things social.
How strong is your connection with this Bride? Maybe you are just not that into her, and neither is she into you. However you wanted to be part of the gang thing, but this sort of thing happens in larger gangs of friends. Especially where one group is a work gang possibly.
Would you have this Bride's phone number in your phone? Do you ring or speak or email her fairly often? Do you feel a connection with her, or do you two socialise in a big group yet rarely have a one to one conversation?
I can't understand how the 'friend' you are closest to keeps talking about an event she knows you are not invited to. That's just pure mean.
I wouldn't read too much into this if I was you. It sounds like you don't really know the Bride that well at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong. And that you only went to the Hens night because your other friend wanted you there or just asked you as it was a casual night out, type of thing.