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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Only person that isn't invited is me ...

286 replies

user1471888857 · 22/08/2016 19:09

Me and my best friend have been friends for 14 years.
About 6 years she introduced me to a friend of hers from work and since then me and about 7 other girls have gone on nights out and concerts etc.
One of the girls (we will call her lucy ) is getting married.
My friend invited me on the hen night and we went away for two nights.
I bought her a present and paid towards her hotel and travel etc.
It's the wedding Sunday and I haven't been invited..now I expected not to be invited to the ceremony but I thought she would of invited me to the reception.
I'm the only one not going.
My friend keeps telling me how excited she is and how the girls are all staying in a hotel.
I feel stupid for even going on the hen night (only one from the hen night not going)
The reception everyone has to pay for their own drinks anyway so it's not like they would have to pay for meal or anything.
I just think it's a bit mean I guess and I feel like they must not even like me.
Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 07:52

Well got my days mixed up and today is in fact the big day.
Got a snap chat through from my good friend (a picture of her with champagne saying the big day)
Last night a guy commented on the brides post saying "all the best for tomorrow"
And she replied "Thankyou why don't you and your friends pop to the reception ..it's at blah blah blah at 6pm..have a boogie"
So nothing to do with numbers either ..it's going to be shoved down my face all day now.

OP posts:
ChippyDucks · 27/08/2016 08:09

Fuck sake let it go. You sound about 12 years old.

tinsheddy · 27/08/2016 08:11

OP - I'm really sorry how this is making you feel as your last post suggests that you strongly feel it's not just about numbers etc etc - you feel that it's personal as you have a feeling that certain other people etc are invited.

I had a similar situation as I may have said before - though not in relation to a friendship group but work colleagues. I was slightly put out at the time, but the following year - something really great happened - I rekindled some very valuable friendships outside of the work 'group' and my quality of life improved dramatically. I know this is no consolation at the moment - but the lesson I've learned is - is you keep striving towards your own personal goals, something great may be waiting around the corner!! - If I can add, I was never actively intending to rekindle friendships with other people, that was a by product of me striving to achieve other personal goals - losing weight, getting fitter, studying towards a qualification... I'm sure in a year's time you will look back at today from a much better place x

tinsheddy · 27/08/2016 08:12

One thing that just strikes me, OP, and I may be wrong, and all that - if you're friend is 'snapchatting' you with champagne etc etc I'd really question your words good friend. Just saying.

Cathaka15 · 27/08/2016 08:21

This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. How can you be in a group of close friends go on the hen night but not be invited to the wedding. Confused. Seriously I would just not bother with her anymore. She sounds like a looser and I would be pissed off for even spending money on her. Please ignore her and find some new friends.

regularbutpanickingabit · 27/08/2016 08:24

Ever wondered whether you r so-called good friend has been slagging you off to the bride? Making snide comments that you don't like her, or don't like weddings, or don't want to go? Too late now but all sounds down to her.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 08:24

I'm going out for the day with one of my best friends (16 years) going shopping and for afternoon tea so I'm sure il have a great day.
She is the one person I can actually call a good friend and know she actually is.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 08:26

The only thing is before the hen my friend said
"I'm sure you will be invited to the night reception you know"
And I said .."I'm sure I would of been invited by now"
Then nothing more was said

OP posts:
ChippyDucks · 27/08/2016 08:30
winkywinkola · 27/08/2016 08:35

Op, your friend is categorically not a friend.

You need to think seriously about how you're going to distance yourself from her without drama or nastiness.

She sounds deeply unpleasant. A friend does not make negative comments about your weight etc. A bitch does though.

I can see why you're upset about not being invited to the evening wedding bash. It seems petty but I wonder if your 'friend' had a hand in it?

Her sending you photos etc seems a touch spiteful.

Personally I would message the bride and wish her a wonderful wedding day and a long, loving marriage.

And then, knowing you've done the right thing, enjoy yourself. Do something fun for you.

And avoid your 'friend' as much as you can.

Never bad mouth her or anyone in this wedding though because that will blow things up unnecessarily.

Just fade from their view and get on with having a good time with people who care and value you.

Be a bit more fussy and choosy about who you spend time with. If they make you feel shit about your weight or dress, then it's time to drop them!

tinsheddy · 27/08/2016 08:40

Sorry OP I thought the good friend who sent the snapchat was the same one who'd been banging on about the wedding constantly. I'm sorry if Ive got this wrong. I'm sure you'll have a great day with your friend. x

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/08/2016 08:42

I have no idea why you are getting a hard time OP, it seems completely clear the bride has treated you badly. None of them sound like particularly nice people though so it's no great loss Smile

And to all those other fuckers who decided to kick the OP when she's down, I hope you have enjoyed it. I know I m not the thread police but seriously, get a fucking life that doesn't involve calling a stranger on the Internet names.

pattimayonnaise · 27/08/2016 08:53

I'm with unexpected. Sorry she's treated you like that OP, it's shit when people can't be nice. If she doesn't like you she should just man up and say so. Flowers

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 08:55

Thankyou to all the nice people who haven't made me feel about 2 inches tall :-)
Tin-it is the same friend..no doubt more snaps will be arriving during the course of the day.
I'm not going to feel sad today I've decided but the next "invitation" to something I shall politely decline.

OP posts:
pasic · 27/08/2016 08:57

OP, are you taking on board what lots of posters are telling you?

Your friend is being cruel to you on purpose, she gets her kicks by doing this, it makes her feel good. She obviously puts the boot in behind your back.

You just keep saying the same stuff, are you listening at all?

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 09:01

Pasig- I think I've known for a while that my friend does this but then I think to myself she is the sad one who must of shit self esteem to do that to me.
I'm very very careful what I tell her now and what I don't ..

OP posts:
penguinplease · 27/08/2016 09:12

Op I have just read the whole thread.
I feel for you, have been in similar situation where I was just the spare part friend, it's very hurtful.

Fwiw I think the problem is not the bride but your 'friend' controlling a lot of this.
If I were you I would send a good luck message to bride wishing her well, you can't be slagged off for not being gracious that way.
Go out and enjoy your day and distance yourself from this group .

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/08/2016 09:17

And delete Snapchat. Tis the devil's work Smile

MrsJoeyMaynard · 27/08/2016 09:26

It's very unkind of your friend to be sending you stuff on snapchat about the wedding when she knows you're not invited. She seems to be going out of your way to try and make you feel bad.

If the bride's handing out casual invites to others at the last minute it does make me wonder if someone's been stirring things up behind your back.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 09:28

I don't really think there is anything that could be stirred up.
I never bitch about people or slag them off so I doubt there is anything they could say.
I guess like others have said..they just don't really like me,and without my friend I probably wouldn't of been invited to anything.
They all have been close since they were young (well most of them) so I guess letting others in is a no no

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 27/08/2016 09:46

I never bitch about people or slag them off so I doubt there is anything they could say.

Do you mean in real life?

DoreenLethal · 27/08/2016 09:54

Why not block her from snapchatting you and go and find other friends. These are not the friends you are looking for.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 27/08/2016 10:09

It's stretching things a bit to assume that not being invited to this wedding means that none of this friendship group like you (except mutual friend who invited you to the hen do).

It's possible that the bride didn't invite you because she doesn't like you, yes. Although there could be other explanations. But even if that's true, it doesn't mean that none of the others like you.

tinsheddy · 27/08/2016 10:17

I totally agree with what penguinplease said upthread about feeling like the 'sparepart' friend. I've been there as well, and it definitely hurts.

Personally I feel that you don't HAVE to wish the bride well on her wedding day if you don't want to. While on the one hand it would seem quite a nice gesture,imo, it wouldn't really matter either way if you did or you didn't.

SestraClone · 27/08/2016 10:20

I would if the "good friend" was supposed to pass an invitation on to you and didn't or told the Bride that you hated weddings/wouldn't go so not to bother inviting you? She is a nasty piece of work going by your posts, and this would not surprise me.

Have a lovely time with your True friend :)