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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Only person that isn't invited is me ...

286 replies

user1471888857 · 22/08/2016 19:09

Me and my best friend have been friends for 14 years.
About 6 years she introduced me to a friend of hers from work and since then me and about 7 other girls have gone on nights out and concerts etc.
One of the girls (we will call her lucy ) is getting married.
My friend invited me on the hen night and we went away for two nights.
I bought her a present and paid towards her hotel and travel etc.
It's the wedding Sunday and I haven't been invited..now I expected not to be invited to the ceremony but I thought she would of invited me to the reception.
I'm the only one not going.
My friend keeps telling me how excited she is and how the girls are all staying in a hotel.
I feel stupid for even going on the hen night (only one from the hen night not going)
The reception everyone has to pay for their own drinks anyway so it's not like they would have to pay for meal or anything.
I just think it's a bit mean I guess and I feel like they must not even like me.
Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
SestraClone · 27/08/2016 10:21

I wonder (not I would)

FeralBeryl · 27/08/2016 10:23

Lots of people are invited to hen/stag parties but not the actual wedding.
I remember a few people turning up on mine who I'd never met. This obviously isn't the case here.

People are confused because you didn't initially say you go out with them every weekend-that changes things massively.

You should cut your losses, delete your snap thingy and stick with your real friends.
There are going to be groups of friends that are literally impenetrable!

  I learnt this myself, was invited to lots of events with them, then 2 of them emigrated and I've been completely dropped, the one <span class="line-through">twat</span> that does most of the arranging isn't very keen on me (genuinely no reason for this) so one my nice 2 left, I got left out. 
But no one else put up a fight over it so I clearly wasn't missed <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Wink" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/wink-ClU7UaDM.png">

I've let down 'real' friends to do things with this lot as we worked together too which made it worse.

Go and have a nice day with your pal - and fuck that other one off, she uses you wherever she needs too. Don't let her doormat you any longer.

Oh and I actually would text the bride your best wishes for her day too. Become the picture of serenity!

purplefox · 27/08/2016 10:39

Just because you've been doing things socially together as part of a large for years it doesn't mean shes your friend, or likes you.

Did you comment on the status like the other guy? You may have got an invite as well.

Greenkit · 27/08/2016 10:47

They sound horrible, delete them from snapchat, whatsapp and find someone else who is a good friend

SleepFreeZone · 27/08/2016 10:56

Are you absolutely sure the bride knows you're not going OP?

Smurfit · 27/08/2016 11:11

I had an ex who missed his brothers wedding because there was no proper invitation. The brother assumed attendance c the ex thought he wasn't invited. It was kinda sad actually.

I too have been in a similar situation to you OP, it sucks and tbh, I think you should have said something to the bride (I passive aggressively told someone I knew would pass it on but I was young and didn't know any better.

I also think that perhaps the issue isn't necessarily the lack of invitation, more the complete lack of communication and courtesy. In my case, if my friend had simply talked to me instead of leaving me with a reasonable expectation and letting me find out way too late to sort an alternative, then perhaps we might still be friends. If you socialise that often, I think you deserve a conversation at least!

pictish · 27/08/2016 11:24

"Fuck sake let it go. You sound about 12 years old."

Fuck sake how rude. You sound about 12 years old.

It's shit when you realise that you are not liked and not wanted. It really hurts. Stop being so fucking nasty.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 12:34

I'm trying "trying" not to let it get to me.
Had a little cry earlier (I know that sounds sad)
But it's all over my Facebook ..getting their hair/makeup done and champagne breakfast plus more snap chats.
Surely the bride must of had a thought ..oh il invite her seen as she came to my hen night and we've known each other 6 years.
I don't get how she could purposely leave me out like this.
It's not just about not going but after this I do feel like I've lost people I called "friends"
I wouldn't go to anything or anywhere with them now ..I would feel like the tag along or the spare part.
I'm done with them now ..

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 27/08/2016 12:40

Send a text to the bride though. All warm and gushing, with loads of xxxxx at the end.

At least then you'll have the smugness of knowing you're not looking petty.

Then never go near them all again!!!!

tinsheddy · 27/08/2016 12:51

OP, it's not sad at all to have a cry. I have in the past few days over different things - which to be honest are not happening currently - mine happened a fair while ago - and people might say I should be over it!!

It's a good release to have a cry, nothing to be ashamed of.

On another note though, this does make me glad that I haven't got facebook, snapchat, or any other form of social media!

tinsheddy · 27/08/2016 12:52

On a really good note - I think it's so good to say you're done with them! You can now move on to more fulfilling things/people!!

pictish · 27/08/2016 13:00

I understand OP. I wouldn't want to tag along where I'm not particularly held in any regard either.
I'm an independent and robust individual who can imagine how this has made you feel only too well.
I'd be done too. No question.

ReySkywalker · 27/08/2016 13:02

I can totally understand why you're hurt and you sound like a nice friend.

I would say they're a pack of mean girls and you're the scapegoat at the moment. Unbelievable that out of 8 of them who've spent all that time with you not one has said 'it'd be nice to invite xxxxx'

She's under no obligation to invite you but v bad manners to have accepted your gift and not invite you to afters.

Dust yourself off, send a congrats msg, then gather your dignity and walk away. They've shown loud and clear what they think of you and you'd be a fool to go out with them again.

Chin up

ReySkywalker · 27/08/2016 13:03

Hide them on fb

Sallycinnamum · 27/08/2016 13:03

OP, hide the posts on Facebook, Snapchat etc, allow yourself to wallow for today and move on.

Life is too short to have such a terrible friend. You'll look back on this and be glad you severed ties with the lot of them.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 13:21

Tonight is going to be wine,takeaway and the X factor ..could do with a laugh.
After today no more wallowing ..it's well and truly opened my eyes.
I'm going to care for myself and those who care for me ..like others have said life is too short.

OP posts:
Squabblesallaround · 27/08/2016 16:59

Aww op! If I ever get married again you can come to my wedding....as long as you don't invite one of those smug bitches as your plus 1 Confused. I would be seething! If I had socialised with someone for 6 years they would definitely get an invite.
I have a group of 9 friends from uni days, one of which I can confess, thanks to MN anonimity, that I don't particularly like. I wouldn't dream of inviting everyone but her! It's not like you get a lot of 1-2-1 time with guests at evening do's anyway.....and the fact it is in a pub and guest buy their own adds insult to injury IMO

Hope you enjoy wine and X factor, I will be joining you Smile

igglu · 27/08/2016 17:18

I had a friend like yours, I was really hurt that I hadn't been invited on a weekend away then found out years later that I had been but she'd told the others I didn't want to go. In hindsight this clearly happened many times but I was oblivious at the time because she was my friend, so why would she do that? There were other things she did that in the end made me abandon the "friendship" and I only found out about the weekend after that, but if its your friend who says you're not invited, I'd possibly take it with a pinch of salt.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 17:40

I could of understood if it was a sit down meal that would of cost a lot for the bride but it's a social clubs function room with a Dj
Anyway She's married now and they will be onto the reception ..il enjoy my wine :-)

OP posts:
Mikkalina · 27/08/2016 18:07

OP, I don't want to sound mean but what if the bride doesn't know you have contributed to the present? The sly friend, who always tries to humiliate you in front of others, could just not put your name on the list?

I would also congratulate the bride. Say that although you probably have already received greetings from me (friend has signed the card and gift at the hen party) but I wanted to send my best wishes again. Sorry, I am not good at frasing greetings. That will make her think. Otherwise, just forget and move on. X

Original poster
user1471888857 · 27/08/2016 18:19

We gave her the card with the spa voucher in on her hen night.
So she deffo knew it was from me too ..
All the pictures are on now..I'm so annoyed with myself for going on the hen night grrrr
What a mug.

OP posts:
sevensome · 27/08/2016 18:23

I sympathise with you OP - last year I had a friendship situation where I felt taken for a mug. Was angry /upset about it for ages.

offside · 27/08/2016 18:26

I have a group of friends where we all socialise together on a regular basis. Some of this group are more aquaitences who I would invite on my hen doo and who I would think would invite me on theirs. However, I wouldn't expect and invite from them for their actual wedding and would just accept it as a nice surprise if I was.

From the way you are talking about them saying how you would never say anything to them, and how the bride said "oh yeah you can invite such and such a body" to the hen doo, this to me screams that you know you're not actually "friends" with the bride. Why would you need it confirming if you in particular was invited and why would you not tell them you were upset if you were all friends.

It appears to me that you are more aquaitences than friends. And that's ok. But there is a big difference.

MerylPeril · 27/08/2016 18:29

Horrible situation user - one of the other 6 girls should have stepped in.
If you all socialise together so much one of them should have said something.

Weddings do ruin friendships.

My first friend to get married (very young) didn't invite any of us friends and wouldn't even tell us the exact time/date so we could stand outside the church. Said numbers were too tight for guests outside of family.

After the wedding she kept making us meet up with her to show us wedding photos, full of her DHs mates? Not one of hers. Id been friends with her since I was 4!
No thought we would bother - weddings are often a sign of friendship.

Like others have said - mean girls! Don't let them push you into meeting up again.

Mikkalina · 27/08/2016 18:40

It's very painful for you, I believe. I hope you make new real friends. F.O to the bunch.

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