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Original poster

Only person that isn't invited is me ...

286 replies

user1471888857 · 22/08/2016 19:09

Me and my best friend have been friends for 14 years.
About 6 years she introduced me to a friend of hers from work and since then me and about 7 other girls have gone on nights out and concerts etc.
One of the girls (we will call her lucy ) is getting married.
My friend invited me on the hen night and we went away for two nights.
I bought her a present and paid towards her hotel and travel etc.
It's the wedding Sunday and I haven't been invited..now I expected not to be invited to the ceremony but I thought she would of invited me to the reception.
I'm the only one not going.
My friend keeps telling me how excited she is and how the girls are all staying in a hotel.
I feel stupid for even going on the hen night (only one from the hen night not going)
The reception everyone has to pay for their own drinks anyway so it's not like they would have to pay for meal or anything.
I just think it's a bit mean I guess and I feel like they must not even like me.
Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
Treeclot · 22/08/2016 23:07

I can see why it's hurtful but really she'll see you as a friend of a friend - sounds like you see her the same way.

Don't stress about missing out. It's just one night out of many. Focus on your actual friendships x

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:06

Yeah true maybe I'm being silly.

OP posts:
furryminkymoo · 23/08/2016 08:11

By reception you mean the evening party? Not the sit down meal?

Just arrange to do something else that night?

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:14

Yeah the evening party.
No the sit down meal is in the afternoon.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:15

I think it's because the evening party is literally just in a pub and everyone has to buy their own drinks.
I did think after going on her hen etc she would say come along to the evening do.
I would of done that...

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 23/08/2016 08:15

So to the couple you are just a friend of a friend. No wonder they didn't invite you. Confused

You were invited to the hen by your friend not the bride to be. That's completely different then.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 23/08/2016 08:16

As awful as it feels, don't mention it to the bride or make some kind of PA comments - I know people who have gone to hen nights without being invited to the wedding, it was quite common amongst my circle of friends at one point - friends of friends etc.

It's hard but refusing to go out with them again/confronting the bride or kicking off about it is just going to make you look silly.

There are two outcomes if you comment to anyone. Either they will flat out refuse to invite you or they will invite you and you will know they only did so because you made a fuss.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:18

My friend is taking a guy as a plus 1 who she's known for 3 weeks from tinder ..so he deffo doesn't know the bride either.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 23/08/2016 08:27

Is this about beng disapponted because you were really wanting to go to the evening teception to celebrate the wedding or about feeling embarrassed and hurt and a bit of an outcast? Would you feel the same if 3 others in the group had been left out? Or would that have mad this more bearable?

Just get over it. Weddings are to be endured mostly- they aren't really for most of the guests, they are for the bride and groom. I don't understand them. DH and I would have gone off by ourselves if it wasn't for his parents and my mum. As it was, it was a small wedding -34 I think, and probably not up to most bride's expectations but we loved it.

It is just a night in your life. It doesn't matter. Make sure you do something else and don't give it another thought. Your 'friend' is either stirring or totally insensitive.

LuluJakey1 · 23/08/2016 08:30

Don't mention it to your 'friend' or any of them. Have a bit of dignity and just smile and say you hope it goes really well for them and then do something nice yourself. It all sounds like a night you'll be better off missing anyway.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:31

I feel like an idiot for going on the hen.
Obviously I wasn't wanted..as out of everyone it's only me not going.
I spent money I couldn't really afford and all the time the bride must of thought "why is she even here" other friends of friends were invited to the hen (who didn't go) wish I had done that as well.
I think I looked desperate going on the hen now.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:32

I would never say anything,anytime my friend has mentioned it,I've been dead chirpy and saying "oh you will have a fantastic day"
But when my friend says "oh your the only one who hasn't got a invite..I'm shocked she didn't invite you to the night do"
It kinda makes me feel stupid

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 23/08/2016 08:36

Your 'friend's sounds like an utter fuckwit. She either shouldn't have involved you in the hen party or should have invited you to the reception as her plus one. She's the only one you should have a problem with.

Cabrinha · 23/08/2016 08:38

You are really over thinking this.
If you spent money you couldn't afford, then take that as a lesson. Never spend more than you can afford - either on a hen for a friend of a friend, or even if you are invited, on the wedding of a good friend. Always live within your means.

The bride wasn't thinking why were you there. The bride was just busy having a good time. But she was under no obligation to invite you to her wedding, just because someone else invited you to her hen!

diddl · 23/08/2016 08:38

"I feel like I probably wasn't even wanted on the hen night as it was my friend who invited me."

I don't understand why you went if the invitation wasn't from the bride.

Your friend doesn't sound like a friend.

Does she invite you to stuff like the hen for her own convenience & then drop you when she has someone else eg a guy she has met on Tinder for a +1?

diddl · 23/08/2016 08:40

Ooh, Sparkle has put what I was trying to say so succinctly.

forumdonkey · 23/08/2016 08:41

My best friend invited me to a hen weekend of a relative of hers, who I didn't know. I am shocked to find out that I have been invited to the reception. TBH I wouldn't have given it a second thought if she'd not invited me, I'm more surprised that I am invited. I think you're being over sensitive about this as you aren't a friend of the bride. Maybe, you're feeling a little pushed out because your friend has chosen a tinder date over you as her plus one?

Lilacpink40 · 23/08/2016 08:41

I'd question whether your 'friend' is a friend.

Firstly, when she invited you to the hen party, she should have said that she was able to invite her friends (so you clearly are s friend of a friend to bride)
Then she should have tactfully mentioned wedding, but said they'll be other dates that you two can do things.
Thirdly she shouldn't be going on about this.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:46

Also I've been going out socially with these girls for years now so what does it take to actually be classed as a "friend"
How exactly do you make friends these days?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:47

When she invited me to the hen..another 2 girls who are friends or friends were invited and they said yes too.
Then it got closer and they dropped out but I already paid so didn't want to not go then.

OP posts:
phillipp · 23/08/2016 08:48

My friend is taking a guy as a plus 1 who she's known for 3 weeks from tinder ..so he deffo doesn't know the bride either.

Buts that's different. He is the plus one. The bride has given a plus one invite. It's not up to her to dictate who comes as that plus one. If she didn't want her to bring anyone as her plus one? It would have been named.

I think it's your friend that is to blame for the way you feel. If anyone is at all. She invited you to the hen party and she chose someone she barely knows as the plus one. It's possible the bride assumed or understood you would be the plus one.

It's possible the bride sees you as a friend of a friend. Rather than a close friend of her own.

As for spending a lot of money on the present for the hen do, that was entirely your own choice. The bride didn't ask you to come or for a present, so there is no obligation (or social expectation) for her to invite you to the wedding. She isn't going to invite just whoever your mutual friend has chose to involve.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:50

The 8 of us who went on the hen all put the money towards one present.
I couldn't exactly refuse to pay my share when I was going on the hen weekend.

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 23/08/2016 08:50

Obviously I wasn't wanted..as out of everyone it's only me not going.

Or, more likely, she's actually friends with everyone else who went to the hen.

My friend is taking a guy as a plus 1 who she's known for 3 weeks from tinder ..so he deffo doesn't know the bride either.

But a "plus one" is different isn't, that's why they have the qualifier "plus one" to their guest status.

I can see why this isn't a comfortable situation for you, I really can, but you're in danger of being a bit odd about it.

phillipp · 23/08/2016 08:51

How exactly do you make friends these days?

there is no one answer. I have known some people for years, that I don't consider a good friend. Yes we have shared nights out, but we don't spend time together 1 on 1 and the relationship is quite superficial. We chat when we see eachother. But apart from group messages we don't speak.

On the other hand, the person I would say is my best friend I have only known 14 months. We share a hobby, have kids the same age, talk most days and spend 3 evenings a week together.

Original poster
user1471888857 · 23/08/2016 08:52

What would of taken tho for the bride to say oh invite Lou to the pub for drinks after?
Come on..it's not like I'm a stranger.
I honestly think it was a little bit of a nasty trick but that's just my opinion.
The pub is just a pub ..no meal /it wouldn't of Cost her a single thing to just invite me.

OP posts: