Only person that isn't invited is me ...

[user1471888857]

Me and my best friend have been friends for 14 years.
About 6 years she introduced me to a friend of hers from work and since then me and about 7 other girls have gone on nights out and concerts etc.
One of the girls (we will call her lucy ) is getting married.
My friend invited me on the hen night and we went away for two nights.
I bought her a present and paid towards her hotel and travel etc.
It's the wedding Sunday and I haven't been invited..now I expected not to be invited to the ceremony but I thought she would of invited me to the reception.
I'm the only one not going.
My friend keeps telling me how excited she is and how the girls are all staying in a hotel.
I feel stupid for even going on the hen night (only one from the hen night not going)
The reception everyone has to pay for their own drinks anyway so it's not like they would have to pay for meal or anything.
I just think it's a bit mean I guess and I feel like they must not even like me.
Am I being stupid?

Lulu- nobody is asking you to read it darling :-)

Well, don't go, then. It doesn't sound as if you like them much, and from the past few posts it seems unlikely you'll be able to resist a few PA remarks about their wedding.

This is making even less sense now.

So you are friends with the bride?

It was suggested on the group chat that she would love it and as it was expensive it was decided it would be a hen/wedding gift roled into 1 rather than getting 2 gifts

I've been friends with my friend for years about 5 or 6 years ago she introduced me to the bride and the rest of the girls and since then we have socialised together ..weekends away etc but if I had a massive issue I wouldn't exactly go to them to vent my problems too.

A holiday is a group activity. Not someone's wedding Who invited you on holiday?

I can't really see why you are so mad at the bride, can you explain it?

You don't seem to like her and she didn't invite you to her hen party or ask for you to put in for her present. She didn't invite your friends boyfriend of three weeks to her wedding, you friend did.

I genuinely can not see why it's the brides fault.

You seem to ascribe quite unkind motives to the bride's actions - she's played a mean trick, she isn't kind-hearted like you, she slags off her best friends etc etc.

Perhaps she's just pre-occupied with her wedding, thinking about her actual friends rather than acquaintances, isn't doing anything out of malice and had a whinge about her friends when she got exasperated with them?

There's absolutely no need to paint yourself as the bride's victim.

Anyway, are you going on this holiday with them

I know you say it wouldn't cost them anything to invite you to the evening reception, but there may be number restrictions imposed by the venue. We were given max numbers by our venue and couldn't go over that because of fire regulations.

The bride may feel that if she invites you, she has to invite lots more friends of friends. Or she may have assumed that mutual friend would bring you along as a plus one, as mutual friend doesn't seem to have had a steady relationship at the time of the invite (based on what you say about the plus one being someone she's known for 3 weeks).

I'd agree it's more mutual friend's fault for raising expectations by inviting you on the hen do, rather than the brides.

I wonder if the bride assumed your friend would be inviting you along as her plus one?

Then in that case she should of said just friends on her hen night.
I think it is a sly thing to do because I'm not like that but everyone is different.

A girl from the group of girls invited me as its a birthday holiday

I don't understand how you can't see why I'm annoyed?
Surely common decency after me going on the hen and contributing when some of her "actual friends" couldn't be bothered to go..she would think oh why not invite her to the pub ..

How do you know she didn't?

Perhaps she thought your mutual should have thought it was obvious it was meant to be close friends only.

Why isn't your friend responsible at all? For inviting you to the hen do, for taking someone she barely knows to the wedding and for taking about it all to you?

I think what you actually mean is 'since I spent so much on her hen party she should have felt obliged to invite me to the evening do'

In which case you are wrong. Her guest list is her guest list. It's not done because other people have taken it upon themselves to involve others.

Sometimes these things happen.

I have been friends with a group of women since we were children. Within that group some are closer to each other than others so there will many times when just 2, 3 or 4 might do something together (from a holiday to a night out). That is never an issue. But it is quite a definite group of about 8. We've all been to each other's weddings, etc.....mostly.

One of the women got married a few years ago. I was invited to her hen do (by the bride - she gave a lost of names to the person organising it), was around for quite a few discussions about the wedding plans, etc. But I wasn't invited to the wedding at all. Initially I wondered if there'd been a mistake so I asked one of our mutual friends. It wasn't a mistake, my invitation hadn't got lost. I wasn't invited. I was a little put out as we'd all been friends for a couple of decades and, as I said were a definite group. But the bride and I weren't as close as she was to some of the others (if either of us needed a shoulder to cry on, we probably wouldn't have chosen the other on to turn to initially, for example).

I didn't dwell on it. I accepted it the right of the bridge and groom to invite, or not invite, whoever they wanted. Yes, I was a little hurt but as the bride was still being perfectly friendly and nice to me I decided there wasn't any deep meaning behind the decision. When I got married, about a year later, I was maybe slightly petty and didn't invite her either. But other than that our friendship has carried on as normal. A few years later we are still friends, still part of the same group and no closer but no less close than we were before.

It's natural to be upset over this but perhaps don't let it get to you too much? You could check with another friend from the group (not your insensitive 'best' friend) that there's not been a mistake. If there hasn't, you can dwell on it and let it affect the dynamic of your friendship with the bride and the rest of the group or you can just chalk it up to experience, accept the fact a bride gets to do whatever she wants (within reason) on her big day and enjoy what the friendship group brings you in the future.

I don't understand how you can't see why I'm annoyed?

I understand why you are annoyed. I think you are annoyed at the wrong person.

I can see why you are upset!

I think people are missing the fact that the bride is someone you have regularly socialised with over the last few years! If she can extend her evening invites to random plus ones, I'm surprised she couldn't squeeze you in.

I'm not sure what the answer/next step is I'm afraid but I do understand why you feel hurt.

Wait, is it the birthday girl who invited you on holiday?

Cos if not......be wary. Same shit could happen again.

Your not invited just be polite and move on!! Jesus Christ, its like reading something a 13yr old girl has wrote.

I am a little upset and I can't help it because even tho we aren't exactly best friends I did class these girls as a friend.
After all those years I did think I would of been welcome but never mind.
Yeah it was the birthday girl who invited me..she's lovely,she even said I can't believe your not coming.

Sly?????

How is it sly?!
The bride didn't invite you on this bloody hen do - your mutual friend did.

You know what? Maybe the bride isn't that keen on you. Doesn't dislike you, but you're just one of the group and not really a friend of hers. We have all been that person, we have all had that person. They cons with the group. There's nothing bad about them - they just not your friend.

If that's how you are for this bride, why would she invite you?

Have you ever actually gone out with this bride somewhere, just the two of you? Or are you just in the same social group.

Re the present: the bride is not sly. For all she knows, the wedding attendees paid for it and said "OP, don't put in as it's wedding gift and you're not coming. But we'll put your name on too".
Or she may think you chipped in less.

I get that you're feeling left out and upset - I would too. But I don't get why the bride is copping it for this, as "sly".

This makes no sense
The bride didn't invite you to the hen
Did you go knowing that you weren't invited to the wedding?
Is it possible your friend asked you to the hen out of a misguided sense of sympathy, maybe she thought you'd be upset if you weren't invited...or didn't know you hadn't been invited to the wedding?

How close are you to these people individually? Sometimes groups form out of habit or they get self conscious about leaving someone out if a pattern has been formed.

Then in that case she should of said just friends on her hen night.

Really? She should un-invite you rather than just think "the more the merrier!" and make you feel welcome?

I think it is a sly thing to do because I'm not like that

There you go again - making these comments that the scapegoat bride is sneaky and mean but you're not.

I said to my friend isn't the hen just for close friends tho? She said she's said to invite you ,Kelly and Ashley but she's told me who she doesn't want to go.
So at the time I felt welcome and that I had been invited.
If it was some random friend of friend I wouldn't be bothered.
It hasn't always been us going out in a big group.
The 3 of us go for meals together and cinema dates etc.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, you are part of a group of friends who for years have socialised/ gone on holidays together/ girly nights out/ girly nights in. It doesn't matter that they knew each other before, you have been friends for years now! I could understand the bride not inviting you, if the first time she met you was when your friend took you on the hen do. This is not the case at all! You are part of this group, to the point that a mutual friend was shocked that you hadn't been invited.

To be honest, the bride sounds two faced and nasty. She has made it very clear that despite years of being part of the same friendship group, she doesn't class you as a friend and she doesn't want you at her wedding. Those saying you shouldnt have gone to the hen do unless the bride invited you, where I live the hen do is organised by the bridesmaid/ matron of honour. The bride has nothing to do with inviting anyone to the hen do. That lies with the bridesmaid who contacts bride and grooms family and friends to organise the hen do. Kind of like a baby shower (although we don't do that here).

I would distance myself from the bride in future op, I would also consider whether this group of friends really are true friends to you. If you were grieving/ going through relationship problems/ or a difficult time in your life would you confide in any of these women? Would they come over to see how you are? Do they have that kind of relationship with each other? I am just wondering as the way you have described the group several seem superficial. Is there a lot of bitching behind each others backs?