Only person that isn't invited is me ...

[user1471888857]

Me and my best friend have been friends for 14 years.
About 6 years she introduced me to a friend of hers from work and since then me and about 7 other girls have gone on nights out and concerts etc.
One of the girls (we will call her lucy ) is getting married.
My friend invited me on the hen night and we went away for two nights.
I bought her a present and paid towards her hotel and travel etc.
It's the wedding Sunday and I haven't been invited..now I expected not to be invited to the ceremony but I thought she would of invited me to the reception.
I'm the only one not going.
My friend keeps telling me how excited she is and how the girls are all staying in a hotel.
I feel stupid for even going on the hen night (only one from the hen night not going)
The reception everyone has to pay for their own drinks anyway so it's not like they would have to pay for meal or anything.
I just think it's a bit mean I guess and I feel like they must not even like me.
Am I being stupid?

[RedMapleLeaf]

I couldn't exactly refuse to pay my share when I was going on the hen weekend.

Well just put it down to a lesson learned about only going on the hen parties of people who have invited you.

[user1471888857]

If it was the other way round I would of invited her to the night time do.
But that's just me

[zen1]

So are the other friends that are part of the same nights-out group all going, and has the bride known all these people longer than she has known you? I mean, we're all of these people established friends before your best friend added you to the group?

[Hotwaterbottle1]

Just let it go & carry on as normal. If she invited you she may be opening a can of worms to invite other friend of friends on both sides. There has to be a limit somewhere. I've been to hens & not the wedding. I'm in a similar friendship group but not invited to things like 40th meals and wouldn't expect to be or reciprocate. I'd not expect wedding invites either. Honestly you are being a little silly. Chin up x

[LuluJakey1]

Stop it- just detach from it. Stop thinking about it. It doesn't matter. Don't beat yourself up. Your 'friend' is a mean girl. It just doesn't matter. It is one night n your life - and sounds one you can be glad to miss. Make yourself a nice meal and watch a DVD if you don't go out. TBH I would rather watch paint dry than go to this.

[zen1]

*were not we're

[RedMapleLeaf]

What would of taken tho for the bride to say oh invite Lou to the pub for drinks after?

She hardly knows you, you're not her friend and she can't be expected to be thinking about inviting people who are friends of friends, that would be 100s. It's the happy couple's wedding and on this occasion it really is all about them

[phillipp]

The 8 of us who went on the hen all put the money towards one present.
couldn't exactly refuse to pay my share when I was going on the hen weekend.

You said 'I bought her a present'. So did you buy a present or chip in? I am confused, sorry.

Besides which, if you couldn't afford it, you could decline. Sounds like your friend uses you as a filler.

[ElspethFlashman]

Your best friend is dangerous. Inviting you to things when there's no risk to herself as she's been formally invited already and then shit stirring about how ghastly it is that you're not invited to the pub.

She needs to STFU about it all now please.

[Hotwaterbottle1]

Remember this is a wedding, not a party, it's ok for a party to say just invite xyz, this is a wedding & for me it would not extend to people I socialised with but didn't have a close friendship.

[phillipp]

I honestly think it was a little bit of a nasty trick but that's just my opinion.

Where is the trick?

The bride didn't invite you to the hen party....or expect you to chip into anything.

Your friend didn't do the wedding invites.

Are you suggesting they both did this to upset you?

[WeatherwaxOrOgg]

I agree with many posters that your friend isn't really a friend at all.

What an absolutely horrible feeling you must be having right now. At least you're sensitive enough to feel like an idiot for going on the hen night - your friend sounds totally and utterly insensitive.

You sound lovely and I'm really sad that you contributed towards the cost, when you couldn't really afford it. It sounds as if your 'friend' invited you to help defray the costs - especially if she just dropped you for an unknown bloke.

To drone on about the wedding is really incredibly insensitive and it makes me wonder how great her life is to be so excited about this that she feels she has to keep telling you about it. Also, the fact that she is looking forward to it so much means she must think its a great thing to attend and so that makes her trumpeting it to you even more horrible, when she knows you're not invited.

I'm wondering if you should perhaps tell her you feel she took advantage of you to help pay for the evening.

Some of the other girls obviously like you though or otherwise they wouldn't have wasted time asking you about what you plan to wear.

If I'm completely honest, I'd take a break from this friend and spend more time with people who are genuinely kind to you :)

[randomer]

book yourself something nice to do that evening/day and forget it

[user1471888857]

Her wedding present was a spa break for her and her husband to be and that was bought by the 8 of us.
I think if my friend wasn't rubbing it in my face then I wouldn't of been as bothered.
I just think if she had came to my hen night and I knew out the goodness of her heart she contributed to a gift I would of invited her to the night do ( that's just what I'm like)

[MadameCholetsDirtySecret]

I think the OP knows the bride fairly well. They have been socialising for about 6 years if I have read the first post correctly. It does sound mean.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

Next time she mentions it just reply that you're sure she'll have a good time, don't ask any questions or encourage her. If she brings up the fact that you don't have an invite again then she either really struggles with tact and social graces or she is deliberately trying to hurt you.

Let it go though, it probably won't be as much fun as your mind has built it up to be, you've likely enjoyed the best bit by going on the hen!

[Oliversmumsarmy]

From what I understand a group has been going out for years yet you're the only one not being invited to the pub in the evening do which would not have cost the wedding couple anything.
Think I like you would be looking for new friends, but I have massive issues with "rejection".
Are you going out to something already organised with the group in the future. If so how do you think that will pan out given the subject of chat will be probably about the wedding. If not I would be aware that I am probably not going to go out with this group again.

[Goingtobeawesome]

What is a nasty trick? The bride didn't invite you to the hen. She isn't your friend. She's not decided to leave you out of the wedding to be nasty. She doesn't see you as a friend.

[user1471888857]

The bride was sat with me on the hen night slagging her good friends off ..saying all they've done is Moan and Lisa is thick she doesn't even know the name of the hotel blah blah
So if she can slag her good friends off im sure she wouldn't think twice about saying why is she even here

[SuburbanRhonda]

The OP may not have been invited to the hen do by the bride but her "friend" was happy to take her money towards it. You can't have it both ways.

OP, if your "friend" mentions any more how confused she is that you're not invited, just tell her not to worry on your behalf because you're doing something else now anyway and she should just concentrate on having a nice time herself. Tbh I wouldn't be getting upset about missing an evening in the pub with no free bar.

[user1471888857]

Me and the bride have been on weekends away together/nights out/concerts/nights in with a takeaway and wine etc (in the group) yet I can't even get a invite to the night do

[LuluJakey1]

Just stop.
I can't bear to hear anymore. Am off to watch paint dry- DH is painting the kitchen.

[ARumWithAView]

Your friend (the one who invited you to the hen do; not the bride) does sound insensitive, but I think you have to let the non-invite go: it's not the bride's fault, and it's unfair to start criticising her choices:

'I would've invited someone in my position' (fair enough, but that's easy to say when it's not your wedding), 'the evening party is just in a pub, it wouldn't cost anything' (no, but there may be issues with capacity), 'other people's plus-ones are just randoms from Tinder' (when you give someone a non-named plus one, it's their choice to bring whoever they want).

If you had a good time on the hen party, and nobody made you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable there, just write it off as a slightly-more-expensive-than-usual but fun night out. It's not a 'nasty trick'.

[Cabrinha]

How did you end up paying for the spa break wedding present when you knew you weren't going to the wedding?

I've never been to a hen do where the wedding present was given - wedding presents are given at weddings.

You think you're just one more person, and wouldn't cost anything. But what about everyone else's one more person? It all adds up to a room that's too crowded and with people not actually chosen by the couple.

It's interesting that your complaints are all about the bride, but our replies are more about your friend.

[user1471888857]

I've been invited on holiday with them next year ....