Dh thinks I'm an alcoholic. I don't.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I do like a drink. But it's become a major issue lately.

Bit of background. I have bipolar and have run up a fair whack of debt. So now I have no access to cash or cards and Dh holds the purse strings.

I have to ask to buy stuff and he will agree if he thinks it's ok. But he has become really strict about alcohol.

We've always been big drinkers, Friday nights have always been our night to drink and be merry. But I also like to have up to a bottle of wine midweek when he goes out for the evening, and sometimes it's nice to have a few drinks with Sunday lunch etc.

Dh has put a stop to that and I have to really convince him that it's fine for me to have a drink any other day than Friday. We went out yesterday for a day out, and I drank wine in the sunshine. He has kicked off at me just now that that was inappropriate and I am an alcoholic.

My family are all quite big drinkers and wine is part of all our get togethers, so to me a family day out in the park, with a picnic, is a chance for the mum to kick back with a cold glass while the dad plays football with the kids. But not according to Dh, it's a symptom of my alcoholism and shows that I have no idea what is and isn't appropriate drinking.

I love him very much and if not drinking at all is what it takes to make him happy then I will, but to me having a few glasses of wine is one of my few 'hobbies' if that makes sense. I don't really go out and see friends or have any actual hobbies (mainly due to my mh) and I just don't really see what the problem is. I would understand if I was a slurring aggressive mess but I'm really not, I just get happy and chatty.

Anyway, this is getting quite long so I'll leave it there for now, but I wondered what others would think. Do I have a raging drinking problem that I'm in denial about or has its just become this huge issue for no reason?

I guess I find it hard to comprehend that instead of regret over the debt op is whinging about consequences. If it was me I'd be offering to make sacrifices. Dh doesn't sound controlling, sounds like he's making sure people can eat and bills get paid.

Dh is lovely. I feel a bit shit and disloyal for posting really. I was just cross because he was quite snappy with me earlier about drinking yesterday.

I think I'm just struggling with feeling like a wayward child and trying to come to terms with my new reality, which is that I ant have financial autonomy, can't drive, struggle to leave the house without Dh with me.

I think i see where you are coming from Hack.
Yes on the face of it OP has plunged the family in to debt, cannot financially contribute in a big way to fix it and her DH is the one who now has to do everything as well as support the op while she moans about not being able to have a wine and trash mag habit.

HOWEVER mh is just not that simple to solve and i doubt very much that the OP wants to live this way. So your lack of empathy is not going to help or change the situation.

Be careful it's not the start of a relapse. Honestly you know he's fantastic. Go and bloody tell him so. Give up the drink again, you are doing well. Keep going keep going

Hack the op has an illness she isnt galavanting about she isn't well her rationale is off kilter sometimes im not sure why you were so rude

Struggle to leave the house without Dh with me.

Sometimes I just...don't leave the house...

There is a thread in MH that might be helpful to you right now, if you would like to be with people who understand. This is a shameless plug because I started the thread.

Having bipolar, which she has said she is medicated and treated for does not absolve of all responsibility. A close family relative of mine has bipolar and the biggest challenge for everyone around them has been an unending expectation that we will sort every mess with no empathy to the impact on everyone else. I've been very blunt with them too.

I've not rtft but does it maybe mix with any meds in a way that you arent aware of. My dp Is on meds for ocd and he doesn't notice the difference in him when he drinks.

He too has been a big drinker in the past but he gets much drunker, quicker now and his mood changes from how he used to be .

It is really frustrating and at times embarrassing but mainly so tiring. I really fear for his health and also the influence on the kids now it is more noticeable.

Baths: Who are you then? Come on, if you're so confident about outing the OP, out yourself. Otherwise you're just bullying her, aren't you?

BathRus, I have reported you. There is no need for your comments at all. Shame on you.

Lumpy, I salute your courage in being so honest with us. Your DH sounds as though he loves you dearly and of course this must be difficult for him and he's only human and gets irritable like the rest of us. Keep going one step at a time with your drinking and bipolar. You'll get there, I'm sure.

Bath
What a crappy thing to do. Someone posts to try to get another perspective on a situation and you try to pull the rug out from under them. Sometimes people need space to explore the situation without having to protect others feelings hence the anonymity.

Ye Gods Baths

Not sure I see how BathRus is bullying. She's been honest about thinking she knows OP, has a lovely husband and is an alcoholic. She is also encouraging her to give up the drink, tells her she is a lovely person and implores her to keep going. It is all too easy to enable someone by criticising their "carer" or "partner".

Op lm ignoring that last piece where someone is saying they know you.
My dh has bipolar. His only saving grace was he doesn't drink. If he did l doubt we would be together and l believe he would have lost his relationship with his dc.
Please stop drinking. For your childrens sake. You stand to lose everything. Your dh has stuck by you. But he won't be able to sustain that with alcohol in the mix. It is tough but it's your family here. Don't risk losing them. Get help to quit. You may not be happier but believe me your children will and that's worth everything.

I dont think its bullying either but it is also not helpful as i doubt OP will come back.

To me Bath was trying to stick up for the DH as by the sounds of it he does not deserve to be raked over hot coals. However that may have been better said by pm rather than on the thread. Then there would have been outing of the OP.

I don't know the op in rl but I recognised her staight away from previous posts of hers, as have others here.

Her husband sounds controlling but he has had to be financially and for the DC's. I assume Bath knows this.

Could we maybe just go back to trying to support OP? She will be frightened off at this rate, and that would be awful, as she has really been listening to, and taking onboard advice given.

#Ignore Bath

Yes, I think it's bullying and intimidating.

Lumpy, you are so brave coming on here, being open-minded and taking on board some very blunt opinions. Keep being brave!

Lumpy does have a lovely DH, he cares very much about her and the kids and she cares about him too.
She's ill, she needs support and love and so does her DH.
No one needs to be getting aggy with anyone, Baths isn't 'outing' the OP at all, she's just saying she recognises her on here.

I don't think the OP was raking her DH over hot coals. I think she was having a perfectly ordinary moan about him, as everyone does at some time or other. She admitted so herself in an earlier post. Baths' comments were definitely bullying. The OP doesn't need that.