Dh thinks I'm an alcoholic. I don't.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I do like a drink. But it's become a major issue lately.

Bit of background. I have bipolar and have run up a fair whack of debt. So now I have no access to cash or cards and Dh holds the purse strings.

I have to ask to buy stuff and he will agree if he thinks it's ok. But he has become really strict about alcohol.

We've always been big drinkers, Friday nights have always been our night to drink and be merry. But I also like to have up to a bottle of wine midweek when he goes out for the evening, and sometimes it's nice to have a few drinks with Sunday lunch etc.

Dh has put a stop to that and I have to really convince him that it's fine for me to have a drink any other day than Friday. We went out yesterday for a day out, and I drank wine in the sunshine. He has kicked off at me just now that that was inappropriate and I am an alcoholic.

My family are all quite big drinkers and wine is part of all our get togethers, so to me a family day out in the park, with a picnic, is a chance for the mum to kick back with a cold glass while the dad plays football with the kids. But not according to Dh, it's a symptom of my alcoholism and shows that I have no idea what is and isn't appropriate drinking.

I love him very much and if not drinking at all is what it takes to make him happy then I will, but to me having a few glasses of wine is one of my few 'hobbies' if that makes sense. I don't really go out and see friends or have any actual hobbies (mainly due to my mh) and I just don't really see what the problem is. I would understand if I was a slurring aggressive mess but I'm really not, I just get happy and chatty.

Anyway, this is getting quite long so I'll leave it there for now, but I wondered what others would think. Do I have a raging drinking problem that I'm in denial about or has its just become this huge issue for no reason?

Where do you think Bath is trying to 'out' Lumpy exactly?
Have I missed something?

I don't feel outed. Baths obviously knows me in RL and she's right, Dh is wonderful, and very long suffering.

I've been on here a long time and there's a lot of crossover into RL. I should have known by now that I'm never truly anonymous on here.

But thanks everyone for the support.

It's really helped me get things straight in my head, and I'll stop feeling resentful about him limiting my intake.

I don't see that Baths was trying to 'out' Lumpy either. It's inevitable that we build up posting histories here and if we've posted about a problem before, some of the detail will be remembered.

Can we just get back to supporting Lumpy now rather than going after Baths? it's just derailing the thread and is a bit bullying in its own right.

Lumpy... I wish I knew you in RL, you'd get a big hug, you really sound fab.

Glad you are okay with it, Lumpy. I think she was bang out of order myself but if you are alright, it's all to the good

Baths - you could have pm'd op just for this thread.

Lumpy
I am glad you are finding this thread helpful. Sometimes we all need to check if our view of a situation is in line with how others see it. No my opinion it's a good sign that you are willing to take on board what others are saying.

Don't think you're not 'allowed' to feel restricted, though. That's allowed. Just remember it's done from a position of love not control and that it might be worth him finding ways that won't make you feel resentful.

In not No

Maybe that's how you read it FrancisCrawford, I didn't, I read it as someone actually trying to be constructive and saying that if she recognised her then others would.
It *can be the problem with a name change because not everyone has read previous threads but others have.

hardly constructive.

No it wasnt but how constructive are you being going on about it?

OP says she is fine with Bath recognising her and saying so, maybe its time to leave Bath and get back to the OP.

I have recognised people that I know on here, but I would never in a million years comment on that fact, even on light-hearted threads! It was bullying and one bully on a thread can lead to others. Of course the OP would be aware that what she said might be recognised by someone she knew, but I hardly think she expects them to then come on and blast her with both barrels. There was no need for those comments. OP has said her husband is lovely and clearly she is a kind person to say she doesn't mind what Bath said.

OP, you sound like a lovely person and you are doing so well. I know there are days when the world seems totally against you, and I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later.

for you OP. It's a shitty place to be but things can only get better. My family member has gotten to the point where she's not even trusted to be alone with her own DC, so her life is not only controlled but everyone who's on the "babysitting" rota is involved and knows about her problems. It's tough.

I love him very much and if not drinking at all is what it takes to make him happy then I will

This rings alarm bells to me...

Glad you are starting to see it from your DH's POV Lumpy.

I think you do sound as though you have an unhealthy reliance on alcohol, and are drinking a lot.

When women post here saying their DH has spent recklessly and got them into debt, the advice is always to do exactly what your DH is doing. It's not fair for people to label your DH controlling for doing this, he has to for your family's sake, and your own.

I' am an addict. Prescription meds, I went to rehab but I'll always be an addict. Bloody lorazepam so addictive.
Been to hell and back. If you haven't been addicted and ain't got the t shirt Be helpful but don't fucking preach. You never know whats round the corner.

portia. Thank you for your post. My mum always says about my addiction, 'there but for the grace of God go I'.

I am not remotely religious, but the point is that it can happen to anyone, at any stage of their lives. It would have been nice if the person who claims to 'know' the OP, had offered her a little optimism and kindness, rather than defending her husband. This post is about the OP, her fears and her issues.

Threads that suggest anonyminity on MN is 'flexible', will frighten off many potential posters who desperately need advice.

PortiaCastis Thank you for sharing your experience. The addictive power of benzodiazepines frightens me. I never had an addiction but I had a diagnosis of anorexia nervous for years and years. When I read other people's stories of addiction, I think, yup, yup. I particularly remember reading Anne Robinson's autobiography and thinking, yes, that could be me. My DF was a functioning alcoholic if you want to put a label on it, which I do not particularly feel the need to do. I try not to drink, sort of out of fear. Then I do not take enough benzodiazepines and cannot sleep because of the anxiety and withdrawals.

I guess I am trying to say, crikey, this is complicated, and maybe I am being shrewd when I do not cash in the entire of my benzodiazepine prescription at any one time, or maybe I am being non-compliant with treatment, or over-cautious. Who knows?

My Dr put those devil drugs on repeat prescription
My marriage broke up

I'm an alcoholic. But according to my local aa group, because I only drink a bottle of wine a day from 6pm, never in the morning and hardly touch spirits, I'm only borderline and therefore wasn't allowed to share because time was limited and there were members in greater need than me.

I was so upset I never went back.

angry, that is so sad and disappointing. It must have taken you so much strength to go there. What other help have you looked into?