Dh thinks I'm an alcoholic. I don't.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I do like a drink. But it's become a major issue lately.

Bit of background. I have bipolar and have run up a fair whack of debt. So now I have no access to cash or cards and Dh holds the purse strings.

I have to ask to buy stuff and he will agree if he thinks it's ok. But he has become really strict about alcohol.

We've always been big drinkers, Friday nights have always been our night to drink and be merry. But I also like to have up to a bottle of wine midweek when he goes out for the evening, and sometimes it's nice to have a few drinks with Sunday lunch etc.

Dh has put a stop to that and I have to really convince him that it's fine for me to have a drink any other day than Friday. We went out yesterday for a day out, and I drank wine in the sunshine. He has kicked off at me just now that that was inappropriate and I am an alcoholic.

My family are all quite big drinkers and wine is part of all our get togethers, so to me a family day out in the park, with a picnic, is a chance for the mum to kick back with a cold glass while the dad plays football with the kids. But not according to Dh, it's a symptom of my alcoholism and shows that I have no idea what is and isn't appropriate drinking.

I love him very much and if not drinking at all is what it takes to make him happy then I will, but to me having a few glasses of wine is one of my few 'hobbies' if that makes sense. I don't really go out and see friends or have any actual hobbies (mainly due to my mh) and I just don't really see what the problem is. I would understand if I was a slurring aggressive mess but I'm really not, I just get happy and chatty.

Anyway, this is getting quite long so I'll leave it there for now, but I wondered what others would think. Do I have a raging drinking problem that I'm in denial about or has its just become this huge issue for no reason?

That is dreadful angry. I don't know much about AA but I'm outraged that they'd turn someone away who was seeking support - surely they would know better than anyone else that the sooner someone gets help the better.

Have you managed to find support elsewhere?

angry. Try Addaction. While I know AA has a very loyal following, and has helped millions, it really didn't work for me. I hated it. It really is different strokes for different folks. There is also the brilliant Intuitive Recovery. Don't give up; there are many other sources of help out there. I get annoyed on threads like these where people say 'You need to go to AA', as though it is the only solution. It really isn't. Keep trying.

Thanks trifle and quim. I did find another group a half hour bus ride away and they were great. Really helpful and supportive. But unfortunately I'm not ready to stop drinking yet so I've stopped going.

I wish I had the strength to.

Thanks Jess, I've never heard of addaction but I'll look them up.

Go anyway!

Angry, I'm really sorry to hear of your AA experiences but some groups can be very "cliquey". It's rarely about how much you drink but the feeling you have about your drinking. I've been in AA for some years and we regard alcoholism as a bit of a spectrum (NOT like autism; I do not want to offend anyone) where you can be at different points. I regard the people who reach out to AA at your stage as incredibly sensible and wish that I had done the same. But if you're not actually ready to stop drinking then maybe the reaction kind of gave you confirmation that it's OK to carry on drinking? And while you still want to, AA won't be of any use (again, I understand that - I used to go to meetings drunk or leave meetings and drink) but at least you know it's there to go back to if/when you want to.

PortiaCastis

Thank you for sharing again. I have asked to be discharged from my psych back to my GP. My psych prescribed me two months' worth at once which did not seem like a good idea to me. I have not cashed the prescription. My DH has mentioned his need to move out of our home for a while, but he has not done anything about it yet.

My DSis said to me once, y'know, Doctors, sometimes they know, and sometimes they don't know. Wise beyond her years, my DSis is

I am glad that you are in better place now. I read somewhere that benzodiazepines have the same sort of effect as alcohol. Certainly they help with anxiety. I think I am in the place now where a combination of gritted teeth, camomile tea, the Samaritsans, coffee and sleeping erraticaly are getting me through. The withdrawals are hideous, even though the dose is very low, so I cannot imagine what it is to withdraw from a higher dose than mine. to you as you have in some sense validated my gut feeling.

First stage of getting well.............admit to yourself you have a problem.
Second stage fuck the haters......... ivory towers fall down and nobody is perfect
Third stage.................try and get some help although I know its not readily available
I was fortunate that my Mum paid for rehab and looked after dd but rehab was pure unadulterated hell BUT I did it and so can you girls.
Stay strong

erin yes you take them and feel calm and able to cope, then you get used to them and take more just like booze.
There are other meds so speak to a Dr but please dont take them
If you google there are so many forums about them. You can't go cold turkey either because of seizures and I recently found out they can cause dementure.

While it's a different issue to anorexia, a lot of doctors are completely clueless about addiction. They often (in my experience) suggest 'safely cutting down' by throwing half your booze/drugs/pills whatever down the pan and then 'reducing' the amount you consume. Yes. Because that's exactly what an addict will do.

maybe the reaction kind of gave you confirmation that it's OK to carry on drinking

yes, in a way I suppose it did lobster. I really wanted to stop drinking when I made the decision to go to that first meeting, but came home feeling so deflated that the first thing I did was crack open a bottle. I'm not blaming it for my decision to continue drinking, that's solely on my shoulders. But I think I was unlucky to get a cliquey group as my first experience as you say.

Here's my poem, I pinched it from ahem somewhere but by God the writer has hit the nail on the head

For the lonely faces, in those empty spaces
For the unloved and the denied
For the little wheels turning bigger deals
For all the dreams that bloomed and those that died

Mother nature don't draw straight lines
We're broken moulds in a grand design
We look a mess but we're doing fine
We're card carrying lifelong members of
The Union of different kinds

Dual diagnosis anorexia nervous and addiction is not uncommon. I can imagine that rehab was pure hell. Inpatient for AN was not much fun at the time. I had fellow patients who drunk or took drugs or had before they were admitted. The whole thing is joined up somehow. Sometimes I came across the notion that recovery from AN is harder because you have to do rather than not do. I am not sure why there has to be a competition to be honest

YY Jess. Your post is so very true about some doctors being clueless about addiction. I should know, I live with one.

Thank you for the poem. Yes. "Different boats, same sea".

I also like the Paul Simon song All Around the World or the Myth of Fingerprints. I have a pop song for every occasion.

I honestly don't think it matters how much you drink...you become an alcoholic when you NEED a drink to function/settle/relax. The amount is irrelevant - it's about your attitude towards it that makes you an addict. So you hide your drinking at all??

Get over yourselves, I'm not sinister and trying to out her in real life. I don't mean her any harm at all. Quite the reverse.

angry I get it, completely and it is relevant to the OP. I sort of excused my addiction on the fact that I was a 'natural rebel' and refused to be told what to do.

I want to make it clear that I am not dissing AA, and absolutely agree that meetings really vary. But if you are confined by public transport, then it limits the accessibility. I did attend some further afield which I liked, but the ones closest to me had an almost competitive atmosphere.

I also think the 'Big Book' needs updating (or maybe it has by now) but the one I was given had a chapter on 'Women and alcoholism' which mainly harked out about how difficult it was for 'wives of alcoholics'. Helpful.

Knowing what hell being an addict is I will never get over addiction I may not take any pills anymore but Im still an addict and I see life from a different perspective because of it.
I will never get over it.or myself for taking more than a prescribed dose
IM ALIVE

Totally agree about the big book being stuck in a time warp jess

There's so much in OP's posts that rings chords/I can relate to with my own denial.

BTW baths ODFOD and get over yourself. Your posts are akin to printing a scarlet letter to "help the OP". WTF?

FFS people who live in glass houses

PortiaCastis Indeed. So am I.

bath, I just read where the op says she knows you IRL and that you are kosher.
Apologies. I got the wrong end of the stick.

Sorry guys, just getting a bit cross and fed up with bath . Will ask MNHQ to remove, pronto.