Dh thinks I'm an alcoholic. I don't.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I do like a drink. But it's become a major issue lately.

Bit of background. I have bipolar and have run up a fair whack of debt. So now I have no access to cash or cards and Dh holds the purse strings.

I have to ask to buy stuff and he will agree if he thinks it's ok. But he has become really strict about alcohol.

We've always been big drinkers, Friday nights have always been our night to drink and be merry. But I also like to have up to a bottle of wine midweek when he goes out for the evening, and sometimes it's nice to have a few drinks with Sunday lunch etc.

Dh has put a stop to that and I have to really convince him that it's fine for me to have a drink any other day than Friday. We went out yesterday for a day out, and I drank wine in the sunshine. He has kicked off at me just now that that was inappropriate and I am an alcoholic.

My family are all quite big drinkers and wine is part of all our get togethers, so to me a family day out in the park, with a picnic, is a chance for the mum to kick back with a cold glass while the dad plays football with the kids. But not according to Dh, it's a symptom of my alcoholism and shows that I have no idea what is and isn't appropriate drinking.

I love him very much and if not drinking at all is what it takes to make him happy then I will, but to me having a few glasses of wine is one of my few 'hobbies' if that makes sense. I don't really go out and see friends or have any actual hobbies (mainly due to my mh) and I just don't really see what the problem is. I would understand if I was a slurring aggressive mess but I'm really not, I just get happy and chatty.

Anyway, this is getting quite long so I'll leave it there for now, but I wondered what others would think. Do I have a raging drinking problem that I'm in denial about or has its just become this huge issue for no reason?

[angryinlaws]

I'm confused now. Doesn't the op say she knows bath?

[angryinlaws]

Ah. Ok. Got it.

BTW, this is why drinking is a bad idea. I'm not unintelligent during the day. But come a few glasses or bottle, the mind goes to slush. It's so sad.

[BathsRUs]

You're reading a lot into not very little. Typical idiots on mn I suppose, knee jerk reaction telling me to FO.

I know op and she knows me. I like her and I like her DH. HTH

[angryinlaws]

But why did you out her mn nn on this thread bath?
Surely you can see that was not necessary or kind?

[LumpyMcBentface]

She didn't!

[Trifleorbust]

Maybe not, OP, but the effect is the same: how can you be totally honest about how you feel now you know someone from RL is watching and correcting you? I think Bath was very inappropriate. You no doubt care for her a great deal, which is laudable, but I would be very unhappy with that intervention.

[erinaceus]

Trifle

Maybe being totally honest with how she feels is not Lumpy's goal? I would understand that, during the penny dropping moments especially.

How are you this morning Lumpy?

[Trifleorbust]

Perhaps. I still think that is her call and was very unimpressed by Bath.

[IzzyIsBusy]

I think Bath had good intentions.

If OP is painting a less than truthful picture of how her actions are affecting her family and we respond in favour of her (because of how she has posted) is that really helping her?
Bath did not name her, state where she lived or post any other identifying info. She just said that the DH was actually very good, very supportive and coping with alot on his own and that the OP knows this.

The DH was being called EA, financially abusive and controlling, not very fair considering why he has to control everything.

OP i really do hope you start to take back control and i hope your first step is to end your dependancy on alcohol.

[LavenderEverywhere]

Completely and totally agree Izzy and I am another one who recognised the OP.

[Trifleorbust]

I completely disagree. The OP is entitled to her privacy and to explore thoughts and advice without other people telling her her feelings are invalid. There are very few people where I would be okay with them interfering in an objective and anonymous discussion like that, even if it was their opinion that I was wrong: maybe my sister, but that's about it. Bath might consider whether it's really her position to butt in in such a prolific way when someone is trying to explore an issue in private.

[IzzyIsBusy]

Nobody told her her feelings are invalid.

Bath only pointed out that tbe OP was being less than truthfull. She also gave lots of encouragment at how well tbe OP is doing.
Its not ok to lie when seeking support especially when the OP is managing a very complex health issue. Validating her excessive alcohol intake and agreeing that her DH is wrong will only serve to cause more problems.

We always say you only get 1 side of tbe story on here and for once we have had a portion of the other side which means supporting the OP can be done better.

[Trifleorbust]

I could not disagree with you more, but don't think I am helping so won't post on the issue of the charming Bath again.

[IzzyIsBusy]

You are being a bit petty now.
However this thread is not about you or how you feel so lets move on from that and go back to supporting the OP.

Lumpy i think you need to speak to another cpn regarding your alcohol intake as i am not sure your current one is giving correct advice.
Have you talked to DH and asked what steps you have to take to gain back some trust and control?
Maybe setting achievable goals will help and the more you can do for the family the less stressful it will be for him.

[Trifleorbust]

I love your drop-an-insult-then-insist-we-move-on strategy, Izzy. Very classy. But sure, moving on is fine by me 😂

[IzzyIsBusy]

It was a response to your sarcastic comment regarding charming Bath.
Not exactly a classy move by you was it. If you dont like it dont dish it.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Both of you PACK IT IN.

[Trifleorbust]

Whatever, Izzy. You seem awfully bothered by my opinion of another poster who you apparently don't know from Adam. Yes, "charming" was sarcastic. If you wanted to engage further about why I disapprove of the decision made by the other poster, I wouldn't be bothered by your tone, but as you claim you don't want to, how about you take a step back and leave it alone.

[Trifleorbust]

Seth - you're not going to get anywhere speaking to people like that. I have expressed an opinion, which I am entitled to do. If you don't like it, don't read it.

[IzzyIsBusy]

Er Still your not my mum so back off.

However i have no further reason to engage with that poster so i am more than happy to no longer engage.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Trifle and Izzy There is expressing an opinion on the thread, then there is completely forgetting the OP and her troubles and engaging in a silly tennis match with another poster. You may feel it is worth arguing about but it doesn't help the OP one bit, which should be the reason for posting. Spirit of MN and all that.

[Trifleorbust]

Seth, take your own advice. Let it lie.

[PortiaCastis]

This bun fight is not helping addicts like myself, it took me a lot of courage to post last night and I hoped I was helping someone.
Disregard the bun fighting and read the advice would be my recommendation. Even if the poster you are arguing about was out of order, just ignore.
People on here need help and advice not playground spats.
Grow up, I had to when I admitted to myself I'm an addict.
If this thread gets deleted because of arguments all advice will be lost and believe me if you've been to hell because of addiction keyboard.warriorism would not occur to you.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

Portia. Agreed. I have pretty much given up on this thread. As someone who struggles with alcohol addiction, I thought it might contain some useful advice, and that I in turn might offer some of my own.

Tis a shame it's come to this.