Dh thinks I'm an alcoholic. I don't.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I do like a drink. But it's become a major issue lately.

Bit of background. I have bipolar and have run up a fair whack of debt. So now I have no access to cash or cards and Dh holds the purse strings.

I have to ask to buy stuff and he will agree if he thinks it's ok. But he has become really strict about alcohol.

We've always been big drinkers, Friday nights have always been our night to drink and be merry. But I also like to have up to a bottle of wine midweek when he goes out for the evening, and sometimes it's nice to have a few drinks with Sunday lunch etc.

Dh has put a stop to that and I have to really convince him that it's fine for me to have a drink any other day than Friday. We went out yesterday for a day out, and I drank wine in the sunshine. He has kicked off at me just now that that was inappropriate and I am an alcoholic.

My family are all quite big drinkers and wine is part of all our get togethers, so to me a family day out in the park, with a picnic, is a chance for the mum to kick back with a cold glass while the dad plays football with the kids. But not according to Dh, it's a symptom of my alcoholism and shows that I have no idea what is and isn't appropriate drinking.

I love him very much and if not drinking at all is what it takes to make him happy then I will, but to me having a few glasses of wine is one of my few 'hobbies' if that makes sense. I don't really go out and see friends or have any actual hobbies (mainly due to my mh) and I just don't really see what the problem is. I would understand if I was a slurring aggressive mess but I'm really not, I just get happy and chatty.

Anyway, this is getting quite long so I'll leave it there for now, but I wondered what others would think. Do I have a raging drinking problem that I'm in denial about or has its just become this huge issue for no reason?

[LumpyMcBentface]

Ok so it's a lot.

I quite often have weeks or even months off.

I do struggle with having no off switch, if it's there I'll drink it tbf.

No 'incidents' although whenever I've been depressed and taken an overdose I've taken it with alcohol, I think in DH's mind he thinks booze= risk of overdose which is fair enough but not quite right.

No health problems and no contraindications with meds.

[StepAwayFromTheThesaurus]

Drinking a whole bottle of wine on your own during a family picnic in the park is quite a long way from having 'a cold glass', especially if your DH was entertaining the children while you worked your way through a whole bottle of wine.

If you open a bottle of wine do you always drink it all?

[Trifleorbust]

Hmmm. Do you agree with him that there is a need for you to cut down? And I say that without any intention of telling you to do that. What is your opinion of the NHS guidelines, where drinking more than 5-6 units in one sitting or more than 14 units per week is classed as 'risky'?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Drinking isn't a hobby. That's what worries me about your post. And thinking that a family outing to the park is an opportunity for wine is also worrying.

As others have said, do you go a week without any? I have never been a big drinker and have managed years without a drink so that amount seems excessive to me but I can't speak for the majority.

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

I wouldn't say you're an alcoholic, but a bottle of wine all to yourself several times a week, plus other drinks is too much.

[M0rven]

If you were my relative, I'd be concerned.

Because you are drinking too much. It will affect you physical health and it's probably making you more depressed when you are down.

You associate having fun with alcohol

You have no friends, hobbies or social life. And no please don't blame the BPD, because lots of people who have this lead a normal life when they are well

Does your psychiatrist know how much you drink and have you discussed any interaction with your meds ?

You need to cut down on the booze and get some constructive hobbies. And if you can't cut down on your own get some help .

Sitting in every night drinking is no life for anyone . Unless you are 95. But I'm guessing you woudl have mentioned that in your OP

[LumpyMcBentface]

It's very rare that I won't finish a bottle although it could happen.

I was still engaging with the kids, dog and inlaws all afternoon, it's not like I was sat there getting steadily drunker while they all played. I wasn't pissed.

[StepAwayFromTheThesaurus]

Was anyone else drinking?

[Cary2012]

Doesn't really matter what we think, the problem here is that you and your DH are not in happy place with your drinking. What are his concerns? Financial? The impact on your MH? How you are after a drink?

You think it's ok, he doesn't, he's controlling another adult's alcohol intake. Is it coming from a place of genuine concern, or does he generally control you in other ways?

[MrsJayy]

Personally I dont think taking wine to the park is normal but it seems to be your normal swap wine for a bottle of cheap cider on a bench and you can see there is no difference. However i think your husband is concerned about your drinking and has been concerned for a while

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

If you are able to drink a bottle of wine and not be pissed, I would say you drink too much. Not trying to sound harsh but most people would be pretty hammered after a bottle.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I have a lot of other stuff going on alongside the bipolar, severe anxiety, bpd etc.

My cpn knows how much I drink and doesn't think it's a problem, she says in an ideal world I'd be teetotal but that everybody needs something to unwind with. I appreciate I use it to self medicate.

I don't drink any more than anyone else I know.

[OlennasWimple]

You weren't pissed because you drink enough that you can tolerate that amount of alcohol without falling over

I don't think that you are necessarily an alcoholic, but do need to cut back on the amount you drink and when you drink. You should be able to go to the park without feeling the need for a glass of wine soft play is different and surely the only way to survive that hell is with booze

If you can't open a bottle without finishing it, buy the small ones instead.

[FetchezLaVache]

Lumpy, the bipolar, the debt, the no access to money and the drinking ring a bit of a bell with me.

Did you post a couple of months ago about going to some kind of buying party (tupperware or similar) with a friend?

(Apologies if I've got the wrong person)

[P1nkP0ppy]

If you're not an alcoholic now then you're certainly heading in the right direction op.
3 bottles of wine plus beer is too much, no wonder your DH is concerned. It's a depressant so certainly won't be doing your MH any good.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I don't think that was me!

[expatinscotland]

It's a lot and if you are on medication, it can intensify the effects of alcohol. You also seem to be struggling without it.

[AngelicaSchuyler]

Trying to say this in as nice a way as possible op, but as the daughter of a mother who drank quite a bit of wine on weeknights and weekends while I was growing up (and still does), even at a very young age I could always tell.

You may think you just come across as 'happy and chatty' but depending what age your DC are, they may already be able to figure out when you've been drinking. I used to hate it (sorry didn't mean to derail but may be worth thinking about).

[MrsJayy]

3 bottles of wine +a week is a lot of wine drinking as a hobby is worrying it doesnt matter if you were not pissed and playing with the kids you were still using wine to have fun

[Trifleorbust]

Well, I think it's fair to say that cutting down for health reasons would be a good idea, and your husband is probably concerned about your health, so those two things could dovetail nicely. That being said, I don't think you HAVE to cut down - it needs to be a choice based on your feelings about your drinking. I can't say I am completely comfortable that your partner is denying you access to money.

[LumpyMcBentface]

I just feel that everything in my life has been placed under such scrutiny since I've been this ill. I have no autonomy at all now. No car, no money, no choice about when I have a drink, all my freedom seems to have been taken away 'for my own good'. I feel like a petulant child whinging about it but I'm just not sure how much it's helping.

[maddiemookins16mum]

That's a lot (and in my own experience, people usually say they drink less than they actually do when asked how much they drink, I DID).
It sounds to me that you'd perhaps relish the chance to buy more if you could.
Again, I speak from my own experience of drinking too much wine to "relax" or stop feeling anxious (it made me worse actually).

[Mosseywossey]

I don't think you are an alcoholic, but cut down!!!

[WaxyBean]

It's a lot to me. But the real question is what is your relationship with alcohol? How would you feel if you had to give it up?