Dh is leaving me - bolt out of the blue

[aleC4]

That's it really. We celebrated 15 years married 2 weeks ago. I thought we had a happy marriage. I still love him the same as I did when we met but apparently he doesn't feel the same anymore. He thinks the works of me as a mate but the spark is gone and he no longer loves me.
We have just come back from a week's holiday and had lots of fun but apparently it was just like friends and he can't pretend anymore.
I feel utterly gutted and am so so sad for my children that they are going to have to go through this. I can't think straight at the moment, I just feel sick.
He wants to tell them tomorrow and move out to his dad's round the corner. It is going to destroy my beautiful children.

Dodie thank you so much for thinking of me.
Things are quite calm here at the moment. Ds has had a bit of a fall out with his bf but I think things are settling down now. He refused to go on ds's birthday treat today though so not sure what is going in.
Ds turns 12 tomorrow, can't quite believe it. We went out for a meal last night, just the three of us and it was lovely. Ex is doing laser quest and dinner out today with ds and a couple of friends.
Re the mortgage I had to start all over again as the first lender let me down at the final hurdle. All is progressing ok with a new lender (I think) but seems unlikely anything will be sorted by Christmas.
I really wanted to start the new year afresh in MY house but it didn't seem that way now. Never mind, i know my frame of mind will be afresh.
I have 2 days left at work and we are all looking forward to a chill out together to be honest. It annoys me intensely that I have to share the children and will have days without them but I have no choice. My family and I are determined to make this Christmas a fabulous one for my amazing kids.

Just read this thread and pretty much all your posts OP, just wanted to send you a huge hug and some strength!!!
Your ex is a complete ass (and so much more) for treating you this way and I truly hope things work out for you!!

Have you broken up for Christmas yet op? Been randomly thinking of you and really, what a better position you are in than your ex... You will be surrounded by your lovely family and friends over the holidays.I wonder what he will be stuck with. There is some hollow justice in that I think. You've done brilliantly you know.really really well.

Thanks Noel, I broke up today. I really, really need the rest and so do the kids. They are at their dad's tonight so I've got a nice ready meal in the oven, my baileys and rubbish on the tv.
I am exhausted and will definitely not be late to bed. Ex is bringing the kids back at 9.30 tomorrow and we are having a pyjama day. I have bought some chocolates, lovely snacky food and we have loads of Christmas movies to watch. I can't wait. My ex was not one for relaxing and hated days lounging around. It's nice to be able to do these things when I want.
I know I have got more than him, lots more. I hate that I will have some days without my kids but he will have a lot more.

That sounds like a perfect day enjoy enjoy

Hi just read all this thread..wow you are amazing...I do hope you and your children have an amazing xmas xxx

Well my first Christmas as a single parent is almost here.
The kids have been with their dad for 2 nights now and it has been really hard. I have missed them so much. I really can't wait to see them tomorrow and get to my mum and dad's to catch up with my lovely family.
I know the next few days are going to be tough at times but I will dig deep emotionally and make sure my kids are ok. They will be surrounded by so many people that love them but there will still be a big gaping hole for them.

I've just read through your thread and I just want to say, you sound like such a lovely person! I hope you and your family have a fantastic Christmas and that next year will be your year! xx

Yes they will miss their dad-But they have a bloody great mum to make up for it op-you can be so proud of how far you've come.
This first Christmas will be difficult and emotional but I really think there will be lots of joy in it too, for you and the kids...because you are lovely, and brave and you won't let what has happened define you.
Happy Christmas Eve to you all (unmumsnetty x)

Emotions in check so far!
I had a lovely evening with my parents, sisters, brothers in law, niece and nephews - and the kids of course!
The kids all played and had drinks and nibbles. We chatted and it was nice to do something different from usual.
Dm and I have just finished putting all the presents out so we have come to bed. Dd wanted to share the double bed with me and so ds decided he would go also come in here on the air bed.
It feels strange and different but not bad. I was tired earlier at my sisters but I am wide awake now. I just don't feel like sleeping. I must try though, tomorrow will be tiring emotionally I think.

De lurking to say I have been and am thinking about you. I hope you get some rest tonight, and are able to relax and enjoy some of tomorrow.

Another lurker been following your thread. I have been wondering about you and your children.
I really hope you have a lovely Christmas and not too emotional.

Thinking of you op.
Ex has jut hon up to bed (in my house). Not very comfortable having him here at all.
But still-brave face plastered on. Merry Christmas to you all X

It's going well thanks.
The dc are very happy with their presents and are currently both building lego. We have had a chilled morning with my parents and my youngest dsis, bill and baby nephew are arriving soon to share Christmas dinner with us.
Yes there is a gap, a person missing etc but so far the kids have been fine. I am so glad we didn't try and do happy families with exdh. The dc really didn't want to and it would have been miserable for me. I have no idea what he is doing today, I guess he is with ow, but whatever it is I can guarantee he will be thinking about my amazing family and all that he has thrown away. We shared so many happy Christmases here and the memories are painful for me so must be worse for him.

Happy Christmas Alec. Glad you had a nice morning, hope the rest of the day went well

Well I did it, my first Christmas Day without exh.
The day went well and we actually got through it with no tears. The dc are exhausted and even 12yo ds took himself off to bed at 8.30 and fell straight to sleep.
They haven't heard anything from their dad all day which I thought was a bit weird. I didn't expect them to message him necessarily, especially dd, but I thought he would send them at least a text to say happy Christmas.
If I have to have the day without them next year I know for a fact I will FaceTime them, I couldn't not. I also know they would want to as well.
I asked dd if she had messaged her dad and the answer I got was 'no. He hasn't bothered texting me so why should I text him?' Fair enough.
When I asked ds if he has heard from him he just said no.
Tomorrow I have to drive 45 miles back up the motorway to drop them at his and I will have a day/night in my own. Then I'm driving back down here on 27th to spend sine time with my sister and her family.

Well done op-you've done it and survived.
I wouldn't not be able to get in touch with my kids either-he really must be feeling the weight of his mistake.But as you have proved time and time again you are worth 10 of him, and you will emerge from this stronger than you ever thought possible.

I do feel stronger already Noel, I have surprised myself at times with the strength I seem to have found.
I have had to be Mum and dad today so I have painted nails, played cricket, embarrassed myself on dd's y fliker, built lego friends and lego technic and played monopoly! My dsis and bil have helped too but they have a young baby of their own too. Dm cooked an amazing Christmas dinner and we all watched Strictly together.
Who knows what next year will bring, i certainly would never have predicted my 2016, but today was good.

We left my parents quite early this morning and I have just dropped the dc at their dad's. I had to stop off at the shop on the way home to pick up some bits for lunch and I managed to hold it together until I got home.
Now I just can't stop crying. I know it's just another day but everywhere I looked while driving home there were families. I never noticed it before when we were in a family of four but now I see it everywhere.
Boxing Day has always been a big family day and I just feel lost. I know realistically it is just another day and I need to concentrate on tomorrow when I get them back and we travel back to my parents for a family get together with my sisters family.
I've got all the new Christmas stuff to put away, washing to do and loads of crap Christmas tv to catch up on.
My lovely bf always hosts a big family so in Boxing Day and she has invited me round there but I'm not sure whether I'm in the mood.
I'm torn between wanting to see people and not wanting a happy family Christmas thrust on me. I'm going to have a nice soak in the bath and see how I feel in a bit.

I know it's bloody hard op. Try and go to your friends-it feels like climbing g a mountain before you go, but you will feel much better when you are there.dont be on your own. Thinking of you X

So glad Christmas Day went well. I hope you had a nice Boxing Day bath, and the rest of the day brought you peace and rest.

How are you doing op?

I'm ok thanks. TBH I'm finding these holidays really hard. Day to day my life isn't really that different as I don't really have to spend much time away from the kids. However in the holidays it is different and I have to give him his share of the time.
I have just dropped them off with him until 10 o'clock on Saturday and I'm really struggling. I have so many lovely friends and family around me but at times like this I just feel so alone. Everyone has their own life and although everyone has made an effort to include me in things of late I don't want to intrude on people's lives.
I never wanted to share my kids and be left on my own and it makes me so angry that I am left feeling like this. I have always liked my routine and now I feel that more than ever. The holiday times are going to be a struggle for a while I think.
I try so hard to enjoy the bit of time I get on my own and in the normal, everyday week I do as it gives me a chance to catch up with school work, do my housework and do the food shopping without having to do it while the children are here. It also means on Tuesday nights and Friday nights I can relax and do my own thing a bit or go out with friends.
However in the holidays I feel it so much more. Because exh is also a teacher we always had all the holidays together and would do so much as a family. We went out for days out, walks in the park, cinema etc and i miss that. I don't miss him as such any more but I really miss being part of a family unit. It's just not the same even when we do go out, it always feels as though someone is missing. Meals are not so bad because we can talk together (although it always feels that everywhere I look there are parents with kids!) but things like going to the park just don't really happen any more. Ds says he is too old now and moans at having to play with dd and when they do I am left sitting on a bench fed up on my own.
Sorry, this is a real wallowing post isn't it? I just feel so fed up at the moment. Even taking the Christmas things feels like a mammoth task I can't undertake on my own.

Alec, don't worry about wallowing on here, that's what this thread is for!

It's not surprising that you're struggling at the moment - your first Christmas since the split - it's such a quintessential family time. And also a time to reflect upon the events of the year gone by.

I hope you enjoy your day off tomorrow, but don't worry if you find yourself feeling sad and angry again. These feelings are so very very natural. Here, have a hug and some

Alec, I too have been thinking g of you, your post brought tears to my eyes, you're being so very brave Sweet, you're a credit to your children.
You've now been through the worst, you have a New Year to think about.
Start making some resolutions.
We're always here for you. xxx