Dh is leaving me - bolt out of the blue

[aleC4]

That's it really. We celebrated 15 years married 2 weeks ago. I thought we had a happy marriage. I still love him the same as I did when we met but apparently he doesn't feel the same anymore. He thinks the works of me as a mate but the spark is gone and he no longer loves me.
We have just come back from a week's holiday and had lots of fun but apparently it was just like friends and he can't pretend anymore.
I feel utterly gutted and am so so sad for my children that they are going to have to go through this. I can't think straight at the moment, I just feel sick.
He wants to tell them tomorrow and move out to his dad's round the corner. It is going to destroy my beautiful children.

How are you doing op?

You have often popped into my head OP I hope you are well.

Thanks for thinking of me. I'm still here. Good times outweigh the bad now I think so I think I am beginning to move on? I think it is partly about acceptance DVD I have done that now.
In some ways the confirmation of ow has helped with that. It makes me feel sort of glad I didn't know his feelings had changed. If I had known I would have given everything to make it work, and now I know it never would have done because she was in the picture.
Today my bf's dh got all my Christmas stuff gown from the loft. There is some I will use but a lot of it is things we brought together. We always bought a Christmas decoration on most holidays we went on and I think it will be really painful to see some of them tomorrow. I almost looked in the boxes tonight so tomorrow isn't so bad but I didn't.
The kids will be here and we will reminisce together I'm sure. I have bought a lot of new decorations and I have purposely changed the colour scheme thus year.
I'll check back in tomorrow night and let you know how it went.

De- lurking to say strength to you OP, hope you and the kids make some new memories tomorrow and that this next year will be a happy one for you.

My stbexh came to trim up today.it was pretty hard tbh. and not great when he left half way through to go away for the night with my ex best mate-dd1 was quite upset.
This Christmas will mostly be about gritting our teeth and getting through it sadly...
How for better next year.
Hope tomorrow goes ok for you.
You do sound so positive and that's great

Well yesterday was hard.
We got everything done but not without tears. Ds was clearly struggling with it and was very snappy with me and his sister. I let it go for as long as I could because I knew he was finding it hard but in the end I had to ask him to think about the way he was talking to us and to leave the room and calm down for a bit.
At this point he had a complete meltdown and started crying. He just found it really hard, especially sorting out some things to give to ex that belong to his family.
Ds and I ended up having a cuddle and a cry together in the kitchen while dd ploughed in glittering everything totally oblivious.
We got there in the end and the house looks lovely and festive now. Ex always loved Christmas and I know it will be hard for the dc, I need to carry on the enthusiasm fur them.
But now I'm wide awake at 4am and have been for an hour. It's been a few weeks since I have struggled to sleep. It doesn't help that I have the sore throat from hell and my ears hurt. I just keep lying here tossing and turning so i' e given up and cone on here for a bit.
Got to be up in 2 hours.....

Its so hard isn't it, I'm 2 weeks away from moving, the family home has been sold and myself and Ds & DD are having to wait to put the dec up for Christmas.
My story is pretty much the same as yours alec and its very hard, I'm 8 months on and all my stbxh is interested in is the money from the sale of our home. Im going into rented and very uncertain of the future. He has a GF tucked away up north so life is good for him.

I hope you and your lovely children have the best Christmas you can and 2017 will bring to you peace of mind and lots of well deserved happiness.
Xx

Thank you user, you too.
The house is amazingly calm this morning for a Monday! We are all ready to go and there have been no arguments.

Well you got through it-that's the main thing. And DS knows that he can cry with you and it's ok. And that's great in itself in an odd way.
It's so so tough. I was thinking if you yesterday after my similarly emotional day on Saturday. I think this Christmas will be bloody tough all round. But once it's done it's done-the first one will be the worst one I guess-and next year we will all be in a hopefully better place.
Take care of yourself op-these are the hard yards now.

Congratulations OP - you've done one of the "yearly anniversary" type things you were worried about - Christmas decorations.
You survived.
In a blink of an eye it will be next Christmas and you'll be looking at the new decorations you bought with the children.
You are simply FAB for them - an excellent mother.

Be kind to yourself at the end of term.
xx

Just when you think things can't get any worse!
After weeks of waiting and being told all was well and going through my mortgage ha been declined. The broker said they have put in an official complaint and I've had all the fees refunded because they say it is a stupid reason. But that's not the point.
I feel I have been strung along for weeks being led to believe that everything was ok. I've told the kids we were almost sorted. I have sent off all the paperwork to the solicitors as informed by the broker.
There's nothing like being kicked when you're down. I feel sick. When is something going to go right for me? I need a break. I feel at absolute rock bottom all over again. Why am I being punished when I have done nothing wrong?

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely shit! What reason did they give?

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this, what a kick in the teeth. I don't have any advice, hopefully other posters will, but I didn't want to read and not respond.x

Oh no (: so sorry op.
What reason did they give?
FFS life just isn't bloody fair at all.

The reason is because a loan we have together is less than a year for old.
The brokers are saying that if it was a problem it should never have got past the decision in principal stage. They can't understand it but the decision is final.
They have found another potential lender but I have to start the whole process all over again including taking more time off work for my third House valuation in 8 weeks!
They said they would ring me in half an hour with details of the new decision in principle - that was an hour and 50 mins ago so I am not feeling hopeful.
I am absolutely mutely devastated and can't stop crying. It just feels like the screws being turned one more time. I hate my ex for doing this to us, I hate him so much. It makes my blood boil. I used to think he was such a kind caring man. It just shows you never know.

That seems a ridiculous reason.for you.
Let's keep everything crossed for the new offer-there is still hope OP.
I know it feels fucking awful to have yet another set back when you've already been pummelled enough. I can't offer you anything except a hand hold and an unmumsnetty hug. I wish I could kick your ex in the bollocks for you really xx

Your poor love, is there any point in channelling the anger and after a complaint to them a complaint to the financial ombudsman.

I just don't think I have got the energy and get up and go for a fight. My broker have put in a complaint so that's one thing I suppose.
I feel defeated and that's not me at all. I am a fighter and definitely a class half full person but not at the moment.
For the first time since it happened I feel vulnerable.

So sorry this has happened OP

I'm having one of those nights where I dread going to bed because I know I won't sleep. I have been ill all week and have struggled to sleep. Last night I finally had a good night.
Tonight I just don't feel tired even though I know I am exhausted.
I am trying to think of ways to make myself tired. I have only just eaten as I have been rushing around after the kids all evening.

Delurking op to add to the chorus telling you how wonderfully you've done. I know this is a horrible set back, but if you read through the whole thread you'll see not only how far you've come in a short time, but that everytime you've been thrown a crap decision or something bad has happened, you've dealt with it and become stronger and happier after. You can do this!

With regards to trying to make yourself tired, I would say don't try. I always find it hard to sleep when I try to force it. Make yourself a nice hot chocolate and get comfy in bed with a good book until sleep comes. Even if its late, you're body is still resting.

You have done nothing wrong OP. Is yr ex still paying the mortgage

No he's not paying. He stopped this month when he moved into his property. He was rather hasty but we both thought it would be done and dusted by now.

Well he's still on your mortgage so he's liable for half until he isn't. This is as much his problem as it is is yours if you are struggling to pay it on your own.I know you won't want to ask him, but it might be your only option for a little while until something can be sorted with your mortgage offer.
What's the communication like with him?

I didn't want to read and run either. I have been through and it really is awful and even more so when you see a horrible side to your exh etc. The other poster was correct if exh is on mortgage he is liable for half and so should in theory pay his half. I used a fab broker that I found online and didn't even need to be here for valuation and was very good at searching the mortgage market for products to suit even when I was probably right at the top of my mortgage capacity as I was desperately trying to keep the family home. Happy to share details if that helps.