Dh is leaving me - bolt out of the blue

[aleC4]

That's it really. We celebrated 15 years married 2 weeks ago. I thought we had a happy marriage. I still love him the same as I did when we met but apparently he doesn't feel the same anymore. He thinks the works of me as a mate but the spark is gone and he no longer loves me.
We have just come back from a week's holiday and had lots of fun but apparently it was just like friends and he can't pretend anymore.
I feel utterly gutted and am so so sad for my children that they are going to have to go through this. I can't think straight at the moment, I just feel sick.
He wants to tell them tomorrow and move out to his dad's round the corner. It is going to destroy my beautiful children.

Been following this thread , hope all goes well for you on Monday.
After such a shock, you've done brilliantly. I hope you get a decent rest over the Christmas holidays.

Well I am sitting in my lovely toasty house with my brand new boiler. Omg it is amazing. My house is so warm, makes me realise how crap the old one actually is.
My lovely bf and her dh Kent me the money for the boiler and I will pay them back when the house is sorted. They are truly amazing people.

for lovely bf and her dh. SO glad you're toasty warm aleC4.

Glad you're in boiler heaven OP ! Have some extra deep baths to treat yourself

There is nothing better than friends like that, OP. So glad you solved the problem

Fantastic news about the boiler, thank God for friends, my friends pulled me back from the brink also.

My friends have been utterly amazing. I am so lucky and appreciate them so much.
I slept so well last night because the house was warm! It felt amazing to have a shower and go downstairs to a warm lounge.
Dd has just been dropped off as ex and ds are off to Twickenham today to watch the rugby. I have to get the house ready for the valuation on Monday but it will be nice to spend a whole day with dd.

You make your own luck Alec! Your friends have been amazing because they know you'd be there for them if they needed support.

Glad you are warm op-and that your friends are so nice-eh much is exactly what you deserve.
I've learned a lot this year through my own situation about how bloody horrible people can be.But also on the flip side of that, how amazing (other) people can be.There is always hope in that somehow.

There definitely is. I spend so much more time with my friends and family than I used to. There's only me to plan it round now do I can do what I like when I like.
Today my lovely dsis, bil, niece and nephew are coming over and we're going out for lunch. The kids get on really well and we'll have a good catch up.
Yesterday dd was telling me that ow has bought her and ds house-warming presents for their dad's house. How nice. Dd messages her through Instagram sometimes so I need to keep a very close eye on that. I read all her messages/posts anyway as that was part of the deal if her getting it as she is only young.

Why would she do that? Why on earth would your h think that's ok? It couldn't be more insensitive. Jesus Christ.Your h is really showing his colours here I think.
I'm so glad you have good people around you op. That will pull you through.

I hope valuation goes successfully tomorrow Alec and that your mortgage will be speedily sorted out for you. It is good to have such supportive family and friends around you and hope your day went happily. People are supportive - and we are here for you - because you are an honest decent person going through difficult times. I know if the roles were reversed you would be first in line for your dsis and bil in time of need. H is just confirming what we have all come to realise - that he is a loser. I am very sure he realises you are coping so well without him. Ow must be somewhat desperate to accept a man who has so clearly behaved so badly to his wife and mother of his children. Just wait until she hears the inevitable "I don't want to be with you I am running away with another woman". Once a cheater ........ good luck tomorrow and let us all know how it goes!!

Ow was not a friend of mine she was a friend of exs but we were fb friends, had been out several times with the kids as families etc. I sometimes felt there was something going on but was always made to feel stupid for suggesting it.

I have no intention of causing problems for her and feel like I do have the upper hand. I could make her life very unpleasant if I do desired but I'm not interested in revenge, she is welcome to him.
It is just the dc I need to watch. Ds will be wary but dd is terrible when someone starts to show her attention. She will be fun and exciting for a while but I know I will always still be here when the novelty wears off.

OW had four DC of her own though doesn't she? She won't have much time free to shower attention on your DD! I'd find a childless woman more of a threat in that respect.

Yes that is very true. She has 5 of her own plus some have their own partners.

How old is this woman? 5 grown up kids?
Oh Christ-it doesn't even matter I suppose. Just really, what is your h thinking?
Still can't credit it.
How's things OP? Hope you are having a good week...

They are not all grown up. She is 41 and I think the kids are 22, 19, 18, 11 and 8.
I am doing ok thanks. Still waiting re the mortgage bit o have had the valuation now so hopefully should hear soon.
I am trying to look forward to Christmas and I think I am. We are going to my parents and I will see all my lovely family who o know will look after me and the dc if we have any wobbly moments. I'm sure there will be some.
Day to day life goes on and I am enjoying life most of the time. I find I live far more in the here and now than I used to. I try not to plan too far ahead.

Good on you op

How are you doing aleC4? Hope you've something nice planned for the weekend

I'm doing ok thanks. Having quite a chilled out weekend this weekend. Dc are due back from their dad's any minute so the peace will be shattered.
I had a lovely friend over for a bottle of wine last night so we had a good gossip and put the world to rights.
I think I may finally be getting somewhere with the mortgage! It has gone to the underwriters and they have said I should get the final offer next week!

That's great news, you sound much more positive which is lovely.

So tonight was a weird one. Dd had her school Christmas fair and she was running a stall with her friend. Earlier in the day I got a text from my ex asking me what time it was on as he wanted to go and support her. I told him the start time but said I had no idea what time it finished.
I dropped dd off early as she had to set up then went home and ds and I went back in a bit.
Just as we were walking across the car park, lo and behold ex turned up. It was really awkward as it is not a big school and we kept bumping into it. I spoke to him but only briefly but spent the whole night trying to avoid him.
Ds chatted to him a bit but stayed with me, I hope he didn't feel too awkward. His dad and step mum were also there and I think they felt very torn between who to talk to.
I guess it is the first of many awkward co-parenting activities!! I got through it though and definitely felt like I had the upper hand. I had ds, and also I had lots of other mums to chat to.

That's nice that he came to support her. Sounds like you handled it well

I hate this kind of thing-you just have to be blasé I think if you can-say a polite hello and that's about it-sounds like you did really well.