Taking back a proposal. It's over, isn't it?

[UpsetandDeflated]

This won't take long I don't think. NC out of sheer embarrassment.

After years together, DP had never made any suggestion he wanted to get married. I have never tried to force the issue, or even brought it up in years.

A month ago, he said he wanted us to get married. Randomly asked out of the blue, and I was pretty floored by it. But really happy, obviously. He said he didn't want a huge big song and dance wedding as neither of us are like that, but he just wanted to be married to me. And that "he would be the best husband I could ask for".

He said he didn't have the first clue what he'd need to do, but if I knew and could do that, he would be happy with that. So I did.

I ordered documents needed, and booked it for a significant date. Very small wedding.
I took DD1 dress shopping. And myself, ordered and paid for both dresses.

Now, he has said he's changed his mind. He was an idiot, he made "a gesture" and it's backfired on him.
That I "should have known" it wouldn't happen, because he's never asked before, so why would I think it would now?

I said he will have to tell DD1 and the two friends we asked, because I am too mortified to speak to them about it, he said "they won't be that bothered, they know I've always been anti-marriage".

I have asked him why he even asked in the first place. He said, "I wanted to make you happy, and I meant it at the time".
And that I should at least appreciate the gesture that he did mean it.

So why let me go through this. I don't think I can see a way back from this. I just feel totally fucking ridiculous and humiliated.

But I'm angry too. How anyone could do this to someone they say they love. That doesn't feel like love to me.

Say something, say you like the date chosen. Let them dress shop. Take your child to choose their dress. Tell your friends. Then say, "actually no, I changed my mind...but you should appreciate the gesture"

I'm starting to think he just wants out of our relationship, and has planned this to make me end it so he doesn't have to.

Please someone tell me I'm not wrong for being so fucking hurt? And also, what would you do? Thank you

Is he in tears , begging for your forgiveness, pleading with you not to split up ? No ? You have your answer .

Stand tall my lovely, no one will think badly of you .

To me it sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a coward to say so.

So sorry op. What an absolute twat

I'm so sorry, what a totally shitty thing for him to do

But please don't give another minutes thought to what people may or may not think of you when they are told you have split up. In my experience, the vast majority of people don't generally care or want to know the ins and outs of why couples split, and other than one party having an affair, the actual reasons don't have any bearing on whether people stay friends/stay in touch after you split.
If they are going to be Team OP, they will be regardless of how he spins it. If they aren't, then who gives a fuck what they think about you're reasons for leaving him.
The decision and timing should be about what is best for you and your DCs and nothing else

Oh Upset!what a truly shitty trick!
The fact that he has also been willing to string your DD along too over it is the icing on the fucking cake
My 1st LTB
You will never trust this man again, will always feel a pang of sadness about this time, and soon enough, start feeling bitter and enraged at the ridiculousness of him even opening his mouth in the first place.
Really sorry

It's not even that I'm bothered with, it's more that I'll be laughed at, because let's face it, you can't get much more pathetic than your partner of years realising that actually, no thanks.
Either that, or worse they'd feel sorry for me. I just never want to see them again anyway, so to be honest I don't mind what they think, I'd never face them again anyway really!

Well, I'm usually one for sticking out a relationship unless you're unhappy in the day to day or in situations of abuse. But in this case, and I say it wholeheartedly, Leave the fucking cunty bastard ASAP!!!!

for you. There's a word for a man like this and that's sadistic

He 'faked' you in the worst way possible

You know what you want to do just have the courage to believe you are worth more and don't settle for his sorry arse .

If I were you I'd call his bluff and start bagging up his crap in no uncertain terms

This is awful :(

I'm so sorry OP What an utter bastard.

If anyone laughs at you then they are as bad as your partner.

I can't imagine anyone laughing at you. I personally would applaud you for dumping his sorry ass.

Nobody will laugh at you believe me. They WILL think he is a major league cunt though.

If this happened to me (and something pretty similar did happen to me once) I would have no choice but to end it sharpish. Because of his treatment of you, which is narcissistic and cruel beyond belief, there is nothing left to stay for.

It's not the wedding that's the issue, it's his vile treatment of you that's the problem.
I think you've had a lucky escape. Run, don't walk.

He is a coward. Weak and despicable.

The humiliation is all his.

No-one will laugh at you.

Maybe they'll be on your side.

I think you've had a lucky escape. Run, don't walk.

yy to this. I had something similar happen to me years ago and now when I look back I thank my lucky stars.

What a cruel thing to do op, I'm sorry you're going through this

Personally I couldn't get over this, it is the ultimate act of disrespect. He knows marriage is important to you so to allow you to go through planning and purchasing then pulling the plug is just horrible.

I've been here a long time and have never posted a LTB, but I think this definitely warrants my first one.

Don't worry about people laughing at you. They will more likely just be talking about what a cruel bastard he is.

Pick up your pride and either walk or kick him out. How dare he say he would understand if you leave him!! He is trying to get you to finish the relationship and then will no doubt blame you.
Utterly awful. You are worth more than this.

He wants to keep his options open and he can't do that if he marries you.
Even if he doesn't want out now, he wants to be able to leave easily at any point. It shows a lack of commitment.
He has behaved appallingly with complete disregard for your feelings.

Thank you for everyone's support. I am just glad it was only ever going to be quiet, so only a couple of people even know, and I don't want to see those people again now.

I wouldn't laugh at you. I would think you were awesome for dumping the headfucking thundercunt.

Apart from this, is your relationship good? Does he have form for anything similar? And how much does it (really) bother you that you haven't got married before?

What an utter cunt.
Sod people who may think bad of you for breaking up with him (you really need to - did I mention that he is an utter cunt?) and if people ask tell them "He broke off our engagement, I couldn't stay with him after that." I don't think any decent person would blame or laugh at you for that.
Did I mention that he is an utter cunt and to get out?

Were they your friends? You can't dump your friends because you're embarrassed! They're not going to be laughing at you....they'll be going mad at him.

Don't you feel embarrassed to tell anyone else - tell them, loudly, and the full story ....... he's the one being a complete and utter shit to you and people should talk about him - they'll just feel for you as we all do, because that is a rotten, nasty, demeaning thing to do to someone you supposedly love

It's unforgivable, bin him.