Taking back a proposal. It's over, isn't it?

[UpsetandDeflated]

This won't take long I don't think. NC out of sheer embarrassment.

After years together, DP had never made any suggestion he wanted to get married. I have never tried to force the issue, or even brought it up in years.

A month ago, he said he wanted us to get married. Randomly asked out of the blue, and I was pretty floored by it. But really happy, obviously. He said he didn't want a huge big song and dance wedding as neither of us are like that, but he just wanted to be married to me. And that "he would be the best husband I could ask for".

He said he didn't have the first clue what he'd need to do, but if I knew and could do that, he would be happy with that. So I did.

I ordered documents needed, and booked it for a significant date. Very small wedding.
I took DD1 dress shopping. And myself, ordered and paid for both dresses.

Now, he has said he's changed his mind. He was an idiot, he made "a gesture" and it's backfired on him.
That I "should have known" it wouldn't happen, because he's never asked before, so why would I think it would now?

I said he will have to tell DD1 and the two friends we asked, because I am too mortified to speak to them about it, he said "they won't be that bothered, they know I've always been anti-marriage".

I have asked him why he even asked in the first place. He said, "I wanted to make you happy, and I meant it at the time".
And that I should at least appreciate the gesture that he did mean it.

So why let me go through this. I don't think I can see a way back from this. I just feel totally fucking ridiculous and humiliated.

But I'm angry too. How anyone could do this to someone they say they love. That doesn't feel like love to me.

Say something, say you like the date chosen. Let them dress shop. Take your child to choose their dress. Tell your friends. Then say, "actually no, I changed my mind...but you should appreciate the gesture"

I'm starting to think he just wants out of our relationship, and has planned this to make me end it so he doesn't have to.

Please someone tell me I'm not wrong for being so fucking hurt? And also, what would you do? Thank you

I was wondering that too xxx

Another one wondering how you are and how things went yesterday? x

Hope you and your DC are ok.

Been thinking of you OP, hope things are easier

upset, no updates, so wishing you well & hoping you kicked Tosser to touch.

Hi, I'm sorry i haven't been back. I'm too fucking much of a ball of mess to really concentrate and take in anything.

No, nothing has been said to my daughter, who's now back at school.

It's basically a case of Why buy the Cow when you can get the milk for free?

I am still in limbo and want an end now.
Thank you for everybody's support. xxx

Love, you need to be the one that ends this, because he isn't going to jump. He needs to be pushed.

Do you really want your daughter growing up thinking that this is how a relationship should be?!

Get rid of the dead weight and give yourself the chance to find someone who really does love you.

If you want an end, you will have to initiate it - so unfair, but there you have it.
He's quite happy where he's at, he is getting what he wants, so why would he leave?!

I am very sorry

So am I.

I'm taking DsS home on Sunday and going to see friends. I want to have a bit of peace, to at least feel like I can move on from how I feel now. I've tried to forget it but I can't.

So, show him the milk isn't going to free. Hope your weekend gives you some peace.
How many people in rl have you told?

Oh OP lovely, I'm so sorry. But others are right, you will be the one to end it or he will as you say just keep taking the milk because he can.

You will feel so much better without him, honestly. You and you DC deserve so much better than this. 💐

This is dragging on too long op. I think having a weekend perhaps with friends and family will give you the space you need for peace of mind. I think you know what you have to do but it is so very hard after all your years together.

I am sorry but your feelings come before those of the children. You will have to continue to live with a man who has treated you cruelly and although you may want to maintain the status quo, you cannot come back from this.

Your dress is beautiful. Please don't get rid of it. You can wear it in the future for someone who deserves you.

Did he tell your DD ? Does she know now? I hope she of a stroppy adolescent age, to tell him he sucks.

I was okay today until I put on some of my favourite music and realised It is ruined. It just makes me sad, he's ruined music for me

He didn't tell your DD ? She doesn't know that the event is off?
She should be told, she will be telling all her friends. & will have to tell them it's not happening .
I hope she of a stroppy adolescent age, to tell him he sucks.

How are you this evening? Hope the w/e made you feel more like the lovely woman you undoubtedly are, and has lifted you a little.

What are you waiting for, op ?

Happy Christmas upsetanddeflated I hope things are better for you now and 2017 is a better year!

What a shit he is. Cruel and selfish. Poor you, you deserve better.

This happened to a friend of mine. It took another two years of drifting apart before they finally split up. It was horrific to watch as she didn't deserve any of it and you dont either.