not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Oh my it's shit isn't it? Must be horrible if you are looking for a relationship . Thankfully I'm just after fun, friendship and amazing sex

I don't think I will ever trust myself or a man enough to contemplate anything more. I like my single life so it's all good.

I just can't do the no strings sex part I'm too closed up nowadays in that way and I feel so bad about myself the next day.

I think he's also blocked and deleted me from the online dating site so he's gone all out in his ghosting hahaha possibly he is a pro!

I think you can cancel Match within the first 24 hours if you look through the site you should find that information.

I know, I tried that site when online dating its crap, its also owned by the same company as OK Cupid you're paying for something you can obtain for free.

Sorry, to butt in.

Oh God it's all so crap isn't it? The internet should have made things so much easier but instead it's created a whole heap of new problems and dilemmas...! 😱

Well my tall guy has gone been very quiet since this afternoon ... after texting me first this morning. WTF is wrong with these men? What is it with ghosting? I don't even do it to the people I don't like

As for the smokers teeth aargh, I think that would be a deal breaker for me. BUT you may aswell perservere with a second date no? Just in case it isn't as bad as you remember He can always have his teeth whitened and chew gum forever more

I think what is so good about this thread is that we realise that it's not just us as an individual that this is happening to and therefore there's nothing wrong with us, it's something universal that is a 'thing' with how men are on OLD. It's bloody depressing and frustrating tho...!

I did the second date!!! It's still a problem!
Oh well, surely he should have some self awareness! He's been married twice, perhaps I should take it as a lucky escape!
Maybe I will say something like you said, even if I don't see him again, it'll help him in the long run.
It is nice to be here and know you're not alone in this mad world of dating.
I am actually on match, presumed it was better as its paid for. But maybe I should just go on the free ones.

Absolutely destiny

my I don't do one off casual sex either. Wish I could I need the friendship side of FWB as much if not more than the sex. A connection is hard thing to find but essential.

I do find I feel worse when they lie and then ghost. That is far more demoralising for me than going in to casual with my eyes open. Knowing you have been naive and gullible and believed even a little bit that they like you enough for longer term potential, then finding it was just bollocks to get in your knickers leaves me feeling a lot worse. Horses for courses.

I hope we all find someone trustworthy and wonderful soon. There are some good ones out there.

I'm ok with no sex too, a cool friendship that's relaxed and fun that has the potential to turn into more.
I think this is because I am patient and ok to wait I don't need to feel instant gratification from something like sex, I was really messed up about it for years and had so so many bad experiences I can't even begin to explain. I never tell men about it because it makes me feel like I am damaged.
What made me hit my rock bottom in my 30's was 2 things after the other - a toxic ex who I really fell for who ghosted me we bumped into each other years later and he got me very drunk (long story) and I threw myself at him with all the signals I though he was giving off and he turned me down. He then kept chasing me then turning me down. It was humiliating.

Then I started seeing someone who I knew and he pressured me into sex when he was drunk.

After all the horrible situations I have found myself in since a teen, rape and sexual assault to add to those above incidents of humiliation it broke the camels back and i just can't do it unless I know them better.

But I do want to try. I am not a victim

Well Mr Posh has completely vanished now. Isn't even bothering to reply to my last 2 texts. I'm annoyed as it's just fucking rude isn't it? This is a guy who was messaging me 8 times a day that I've spent hours in RL talking to and all of a sudden... Nothing? No one is so bloody 'busy' that they can't spend 2 mins to compose a text??

But what can you do without sounding like a ' bunny boiler' or 'needy' if you just want to ask WTF is going on...?

Hate this crap 😥

I just leave them and ignore them. That's what happened with Shy. Went on date and he initiated loads of texts all day Saturday then Sunday nothing which I put down to him being with kids then I text him and his answers were only just verging on polite.
Then nothing since.

I don't go in for confronting people over this stuff because it adds to their 'all women are crazy' mentality. I rather they wondered whether I gave up on them anyway

I must have hundreds of texts from Shy over the past 6 weeks so yeah, it's weird but then maybe they live in a fantasy world and have no real drive to keep a momentum going

Destinysdaughter

I agree, so fucking rude. What I'll never get my head around with OLD/Dating is why don't they just tell you? At least you know where you stand? Strange people

I don't confront though if they do go quiet, I just block. Then I don't have any expectations. Much easier

So the Tall Guy has messaged me - I have 2 messages this morning waiting. What I still don't know is what is the difference between gut instinct and paranoia because of past experiences. Like I feel like he's gone quiet, as I've been ghosted before ... and this is how it starts ... aargh. Maybe I should just stay single

Mines back too with not 'how are you' or anything but he downloaded Snapchat and isn't sure how it works

I haven't responded as I don't really know what to say

Oh Myusernameismyusername ... this is way too confusing isn't it?

Hmm, do you have Snapchat? Maybe you can casually say you'll teach him next time you see him? Then at least you know if he'll want to see you again or not?

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear about all the fuckwittery going on with lots of you. What is it with them all? It's a definite pattern, I just don't get it. They chase you for weeks, you build a connection, share lots of time and open up with discussions of life experiences and childhood, become incredibly affectionate with each other and then just poof it all goes cold. I will never understand. When I thought H&C had started doing this (although he never actually ghosted me) I just sent him a message saying this wasn't working for me, no bad feelings, thought he was a lovely guy and I wished him well. I had to have that closure. (He replied straight away saying he was sorry I felt like that but understood). now I'm dying to see him again and desperately stopping myself from making contact. I'm kind of thinking I'll have an OLD break again, as its just a crock of shite for me at the moment. Liars, cheaters, game players at every turn.

HueandCry - ditto - all the same blokes as on the free sites - complete waste of time imo. I've checked the Ts&Cs though and they say you can cancel within the first 14 days, so I've emailed them to do that - wait and see if they let me!!

I had one guy message me saying I looked like a 'classy bird' . I replied saying I'd rather not date anyone who used that sort of phrase and besides, he was 62, and nearly 20 years older than me. He answered with 'that's just a turn of phrase and age is just a number ' When I said, that was odd as his profile said he would only date women 25-40, he's gone very silent

I'm beginning to agree with everyone else - OLD is just full of wankers, misogynists, sad lonely guys, and players. At the minute, I'm more happy to be on my own than with any of the guys I see on there.

Me too skyrabbit I cancelled it yesterday & will hopefully get a refund - never again! After reading this thread I do wonder if old is for me???? Think I'm way too sensitive & not nearly thick skinned enough to cope with this crap. Could do with some amazing sex though..............

Hear hear! It's crap isn't it? I guess as destiny says, the fact that it is happening to us all should be some comfort that it's not us as individuals. Still depressing though isn't it?

Sorry about Mr Posh destiny. Totally agree with it being rude and how you feel if you say anything you'll look needy. I was completely pursued and chased by a guy who then went totally cold. When I questioned it and said I was confused, he told me that the fact I was confused proved to him we wanted different things and dumped me! Ffs! Blowing hot and cold is confusing!

It's fascinating in a way how all these guys do behave the same. Is it because they have got so much choice on OLD? Do they just love the chase too much? Is it the type of men who go online, or is this what men are really like..?

Wish I knew! Tho to be fair even in pre Internet days, there were lots of assholes and fuckwits about. The Internet has just given them access to many more women than they would have had before.

Let's keep on remembering there is nothing wrong with US!

I've just had an email from match confirming that my subscription has been cancelled and they're refunding my money

destiny my hot and cold guy was from RL not OLD. Sadly I fear it's middle aged men in general

Ah so pleased, well not really pleased but ykwim that it's not just me going through all that crap. Although think I'm handling better....maybe because it's not my main focus. My main focus is getting a job, it'll solve many issues not just financially. I'm having to source some confidence from within to sell myself and don't need any bullshit from the liars, cheaters, game players etc. have enough of that from ex partner whom is still living under the same roof.....long story.
Oh I have a interview on Thursday my first job interview in 18 years (redundancy) and I'm not ashamed to say I'm bricking it! Any tips, ideas, advice would be most appreciated.
Erm and I do have a date on Friday (the merry hell I'm going to have before I leave the house), he seems very keen, nice......but wondering what's wrong. I'm so suspicious

Sending you hugs Destiny, yes it's shit isn't it.