So I've found out DH is still in contact with OW

[LippyLiz]

Meant to be reconciling, which hasn't been going too bad, not perfect, but not bad. I've come on holiday with DDs. He wanted to come and I wouldn't let him. I've been having second thoughts about him (on and off) whilst away. Yesterday I was texting his closest friend whose been trying to talk sense into him. He told me that DH is still in contact with OW and he wants to be with her. He's been using a spare phone. I'm devastated. I know he hasn't seen her for weeks as she lives so far away. She was also meant to be reconciling with her DH with whom I'm in contact with. I text DH and told him it was over, no going back. Not a single response back.

I'm so confused as to why two people who were caught out having an affair would go back to their DPs and then continue to contact each other, knowing that we'd be over if they were caught. I'm so sad, everyone was right about him. I don't feel stupid, just sad

That is completely out of order. How dare he? Agree with Magoria.

What magoria says.

He can't be allowed to manipulate like this. Email or strong text if you can't face talking to him.

This is why it was suggested you block him .

You know you've made the right decision for sure now, I'm sure.

I can't ask DD (13) to block her dad from her phone. She is well aware of what's going on in our relationship, which is sad enough for her, and he's moving out which is also hard for her. I have told her that this is something mum and dad will sort out and that she shouldn't be involved. I will have to speak to him about not texting her such messages.

He's supposedly the adult here.

Your DD has enough to process without him pressuring her, he should know better.

Being bossy here Liz, don't put off telling him, because he sounds so manipulative he might try to drive a wedge between you and DD, and that is an extra hassle you can certainly do without..

Consider telling FIL? Perhaps he can intervene?

As Goingtobeawesome says, you don't need further confirmation that you're better of without him.

Selfish prick. Not only does he disrespect you, he tramples over HIS DD's feelings too.

Hi Cary. I will sort it out tonight. I don't understand what he's playing at to be honest.

I did say he was emotionally manipulative.... This confirms it

He's also self absorbed and entitled. But you know that.

Good luck returning to work, and when kids go back to school you will all benefit from being in a routine.

Take care x

Sorry, but the first thing I would do right now is remove the phone from your daughter. It's extremely damaging what she is being exposed to right now.
You need to protect her.

Can you not confiscate her phone for now, make sure she knows you aren't doing it to spite her and is she would like to call him she can use your mobile/landline.

He has sunk very low hasn't he. That's so wrong involving a teenager in all this. He needs to stop this before it has a long lasting damaging effect on her.

No responsible parent does this. Maybe tell him that another attempt to manipulate and involve DD in getting you back, will mean there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation ever (in this life)

He is so wrong.

What fucked me up far more than my parents divorce was my parents using me as a sounding block, and that wasn't even in manipulation.

Your ex is fucking up your daughter. You need to empower her to say to him that he needs to be her father and not hurt her by discussing your relationship.

I personally would also tell him the same and enlist in-laws if you think they'll be able to help.

Although it's not a solicitor matter, I'd use a solicitor letter as a last resort.

What a cheating bag of lies he is! Why, if he wanted to get back with you, would he be trying to screw your financially? (Because as he probably well knows, as you are housing 2 children you would be entitled to at least 60% of your joint assets, possibly 70%.).

He is just trying to look good in the eyes of your eldest.

What about pensions? A pension fund is also a joint asset. Has he got one?

I would refuse to engage in any discussion about finance. Just say 'I'm sure our solicitors will advise the usual split that would be agreed if it went to court, and I won't contest a proposal based on the usual legal settlement, as it won't help anyone if thereof over the girls head goes in legal bills, will it?"

Unfortunately I don't have in laws as they've both passed away. He only has one close friend and he has his brother and sister in law though they're not really close these days.

I will tell him to stop and I will speak to her about it. I don't know if he really knows what he's doing. I don't understand why he has asked DD to help him, I don't understand why he doesn't come direct to me to start with. Too proud probably

No, it's because he's a manipulating cock who thinks your DD has a better chance of pulling your heart strings than he has

Cary2012 just had to say you're brilliant! Your first response really hit home with me, about the self confidence etc. Put into words exactly what I'm feeling at the moment.

He is almost certainly feeling very sorry for himself and wallowing in self pity. Possibly if you tell him that he is screwing up her emotionally wellbeing he might be able to see outside himself? Possibly?

Hi Fidelia, I will document it in an email. I've also had a brief chat with DD (brief cos she was calling home for a sleepover bag) and i've told her that dad should contact me direct about anything such as getting me back, and that she is not to be involved. She agreed, but it was just a quick mention so I'll speak to her again tomorrow.

I am so not Chinks123 but thank you!

Liz, you'll be fine, he's an irritating wasp buzzing round a lioness. Just swat him away.

Liz, you need to be stronger where your daughter is concerned

Enough of this "I will speak to him"..."I will speak to her"

Firstly, why would he listen to you now ? Secondly, your teenage dauhter should not be hearing the details of your marriage breakdown. She is 13, not 16. You can take her phone off her (for her own good) any time you like.

Come on. You are letting your STBX manipulate your daughter. You stuck it our for years ....now show her that men don't get to do this, fgs

That is the longest post I have ever seen from AnyFucker

Needless to say I completely agree.

H is no longer bothering DD. He's rung me and declared love. He's admitted he's been in contact with OW. I had agreed to meet him to talk about it but after hearing his truth I felt like there was no point. He said he wanted us to go to counselling and he'd do anything to make it work. I told him I didn't think we could make it work. Now I'm sad. And confused

What are you confused about ?