So I've found out DH is still in contact with OW

[LippyLiz]

Meant to be reconciling, which hasn't been going too bad, not perfect, but not bad. I've come on holiday with DDs. He wanted to come and I wouldn't let him. I've been having second thoughts about him (on and off) whilst away. Yesterday I was texting his closest friend whose been trying to talk sense into him. He told me that DH is still in contact with OW and he wants to be with her. He's been using a spare phone. I'm devastated. I know he hasn't seen her for weeks as she lives so far away. She was also meant to be reconciling with her DH with whom I'm in contact with. I text DH and told him it was over, no going back. Not a single response back.

I'm so confused as to why two people who were caught out having an affair would go back to their DPs and then continue to contact each other, knowing that we'd be over if they were caught. I'm so sad, everyone was right about him. I don't feel stupid, just sad

Am liking your SHL. If she's anything like mine was, she'll give him the biggest wake up call of his life.

Well done on telling him to collect his stuff in one go. You're absolutely right, neither you or the girls need the prolonged pain of him repeatedly collecting bits and pieces when it suits him.

I rearranged furniture, decorated, made our home different and 'ours' after ex left. It really helped, doesn't need to cost much, but it really helped me.

SHL?

I'm wanting to do the same, make the house 'ours', it needs redecorating etc. Will do bits and pieces once I have the house and will leave the bigger items until I'm sorted and the dreaded Christmas period has passed

Shit Hot Lawyer!!

Ah right

H has been round, he immediately started with 'I'm not doing this now, I'm not doing confrontation'. Told him I didn't want to speak to him. He said he didn't think we'd be in but I told him I wanted him to face the woman he'd betrayed. He only took a bag of clothes but that was all I could've dealt with.

He tried to talk to youngest DD who wouldn't speak to him or hug him as she's so angry.

As he was leaving, I just looked at me. I said 'I hope you regret this' to which he said he hoped I did. I said I'd done nothing and he was the one who was texting her. He kept denying it but the last thing I said was, ver convincingly, 'oh but I know you have been'. He drove off, parked at the top of the hill and stood outside his car for ten minutes, then left. I hope he's beginning to realise the consequences of his actions.

Thought you were going to say stood at the top of the hill for ten minutes then jumped off! Yep, he's beginning to see the consequences. They'll be crystal clear once your lawyer is fired up.

Well done, that's over with. You can relax with a cuppa, glass of pinot or whatever you want.

You didn't behave as he expected. And now he's thinking 'how did she know'. Given him a lot to mull over.

Good.

Well done, and your DD is hurt, for herself, her siblings and you, but she'll be fine.

Very early days x

Thought you were going to say stood at the top of the hill for ten minutes then jumped off!

Cary you make me laugh.

He's text the eldest to say how he misses the youngest DD, and me. He knows how to pull the heartstrings. Don't worry I know he's only saying this cos he's lost 3/4 of his cake...

These men Sandy! if we didn't have a laugh now and then we'd cry.

Liz, he really is low, texting the kids about HIS feelings!

Yep, ex did this. He even had the audacity to turn up and ask his daughters' for a hug, 'because he was lonely, because your mum threw me out of the family home'. Never mind that the selfish man had blown their world's apart with the invisible secret woman of two years pulling his strings.

Being the savvy late teens they were, they saw right through him.

I couldn't believe he would stoop so low as to use his kids as emotional pawns between him and I. But stoop he did. In fact, I had a lot of eye-openers about him, how he twisted and re-wrote the truth.

The latest mantra he spouts is that I have turned his kids against him. I'd love to take credit for that one, but he managed that all himself. Bright young adults, can see right through him.

The eldest feels sorry for him but she knows he made his choice. I don't think she'll be too bothered by what he says so long as it doesn't directly affect her. She may start to get annoyed with it given time.

I've told her that she can deal with it her way but she has to let her sister deal with it in her own way. She'll come round.

He just wants the eldest to feel sorry for him.

Pathetic.

Pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic.

I am SO happy for you that you have kicked his sorry arse to the curb. Seriously so happy. Your DDs sound just as lovely as you and like they also have their heads screwed on properly.

Hope you and the kids are doing ok Liz.

We're OK. He's still texting eldest that he misses me and youngest. Youngest texting GO AWAY. OW has filed for divorce....

He text me this am saying 'I was being stubborn up at the house yesterday and I didn't act how I was feeling. I do regret this. Very much so. I was too stubborn to say it though'.

Don't know what's going through his mind. I'm ok though. My resolve is strong X

Glad you are all ok.

Ignore the text, he's trying to reel you in, you said before that he tries to manipulate you about his feelings.

So the OW has filed for divorce?

I doubt he knows what's going through his mind right now! That's his problem. He's probably finally realising what he stands to lose. He's waking up to reality. That was evident when he stood on the hill, after his visit. I remember ex just sitting in his car in the driveway for ages after he'd dropped the kids off once. Just sat there, staring at the house, very odd.

Stay strong, you're a credit to your kids, and I'm sure an inspiration to many who read your posts.

Thank you Cary, I have tears in my eyes xx

It's so difficult but you will feel better once it is all sorted and over with. You were completely right to trust the friend and your instincts. You aren't wrong.
He will regret it and there will be love left there but sadly regret and a little love weren't enough for him to give his family the respect they deserve.
From what your posts say, you will be completely fine. You sound like you have got your head together and will soon have a happy ending for you and your girls.

Thank you. I do feel as though my head is sorted. It took a few months of pain but I knew I'd get there in the end and when I was ready. I'm a touch concerned he keeps texting the eldest, saying how much he misses us all, including me and how he just wants me to be happy with him. That's the type of manipulator he is and I was concerned as she already felt sorry for him. I felt my mind at rest when she told me last night that I'm the only person she feels close to in the family - there's only us really and I was pleased that his manipulating ways hadn't influenced her in that way. She loves him a lot but he's so 'not on her wavelength' that she gets frustrated with him

Ring him and tell him to stop emotionally manipulating his children. If breaking his promise was bad, that is worse.

Clearly time to take the phone off your eldest and block him.

She's just met with him and he driver around the town where we used to live, showed her our first house and told her the story of how we got together. He told her he misses us very much and does she think I'd ever take him back. She said if so, not for a long time.

He's questioned her as to what I've told him about why we split and she told him I'd said I didn't want to talk about. She knows though. She asked him if he was still in touch with OW. He said no and that he didn't want to talk about things like that.

She was understandably tearful when she told me, no promoting from me at all. I only asked her if she'd had a nice time. She knows the truth and she knows he's lied to her. I feel for her, she must be so confused right now but she's one of those people who is easily distracted and she's now off with her friends

I would be fucking apoplectic! How dare he ladle this emotional blackmail on her?...

He needs blocking. Now.

I honestly think that your twunt and my twunt were identical twins separated at birth.

My ex, shortly after break up, took our daughters for a drive, pausing at the church we got married in!! Why, for God's sake?! Then they drove passed our first home together. They really needed that! Both returned home a bit gobsmacked.

He can't keep trying to get to you through his kids.

Get her phone, and send a text saying something like, "Love you dad, and enjoy seeing you and I don't want this to stop, but stop asking me about mum, because it's unfair and upsets me'.

If he continues, you then text him, telling him in no uncertain terms to stop messing with your daughter's head.

Manipulative, nasty man.

It's awful. I sent him a financial proposal this morning based on discussions with a solicitor. He's been with eldest and she's told him that it would take me a long time to get back with him if at all. He's now sent me a counter proposal requesting 50/50, leaving me with a £50k mortgage and him with a £20k one despite him earning x4 more than me. Idiot. I've sent mine back and told him I won't relinquish any of my funds that he wants and will only sell the house when youngest finishes secondary school before he'll get his share which is 7 years. If he won't take my original offer I will be seeing my solicitor as soon as next week.

FGS he's enlisting eldest daughter to help him win me back...... Is he bullshitting her? He's texting her about how he's thought of me a lot since Saturday and how he just wants us to be back together and wipe the slate clean so we can get to be how we used to be and will she help.

She's telling me all about this BTW

You need to get your poor DD out of the middle of this.

Phone him and tell him this is between you and him and all he is bloody doing is damaging his DD with these constant texts. As far as you are concerned your relationship is over and to stop emotionally harming your poor child this way.

Tell her the same.

This is for the adults to sort out and as much as you love her she does not know the full detail and to tell her dad he is upsetting her and to stop texting this stuff.

I cannot remember her age but you may have to consider removing her phone.