So I've found out DH is still in contact with OW

[LippyLiz]

Meant to be reconciling, which hasn't been going too bad, not perfect, but not bad. I've come on holiday with DDs. He wanted to come and I wouldn't let him. I've been having second thoughts about him (on and off) whilst away. Yesterday I was texting his closest friend whose been trying to talk sense into him. He told me that DH is still in contact with OW and he wants to be with her. He's been using a spare phone. I'm devastated. I know he hasn't seen her for weeks as she lives so far away. She was also meant to be reconciling with her DH with whom I'm in contact with. I text DH and told him it was over, no going back. Not a single response back.

I'm so confused as to why two people who were caught out having an affair would go back to their DPs and then continue to contact each other, knowing that we'd be over if they were caught. I'm so sad, everyone was right about him. I don't feel stupid, just sad

Hi Liz

At least you know the truth and thank God his friend told you. Otherwise you'd be in false reconciliation.

I think I said a few times that he was still stuck on her from his behaviour. He was missing her and could not connect with you.

Anyone who has a an affair has to know it will affect not just their spouse, but their kids and the other family involved as well.

He is going to face a huge loss of respect from your daughters, but that's his own fault.

Don't let him reel you back in, when you know he's not being genuine.

What a stupid man.

He's had his chance and blown it. You have the comfort of knowing you did what you could, but he's a foolish childish liar and now you and your DDs know that.

I do have the comfort in knowing I tried so bloody hard. I hope DDs see this rather than the fact I let him repeatedly betray me.

Thank you Sandy. You've been on each of my threads with wise words.

I think, unfortunately, your DH has showed his true colours. He will put in just as much effort as he needs to with you, to be able to live in the family home and get involved with family life when it suits him. He also wants her - she's too far away to be a practical full time option so it suits him best to have her on the side. He gets the best of both worlds. He seems to need to feel you both needing him, hence his desire for you to reassure him that you won't leave. If you're having second thoughts, his plan starts to fail, and it's very unlikely that he'll find someone new willing to put up with his behaviour. You are the best option.

Is there somewhere else he can go on Monday? Even if he's in a B&B, id be asking him to leave. Make it clear that this is over. He probably will cry and posture and it might even seem genuine; he'll be grieving the double life he thought he could lead and the lies that he thought he could make you believe.

You deserve so much better. You'll be okay.

Thank you, he was living in a friend's bedroom (same friend who told me) until 3 weeks ago. He could go there but I think he's going to dig his heels in. He'll want to see DDs after not seeing them all week and his stubborn arrogance will come out. He possibly thinks he can sweet talk me as he won't converse over text and I really think he may try and stay in the home which he is entitled to legally. I've not text him today and won't, but I text him last night and he did answer saying its a shame this is happening over text X. So still sending me kisses. He's ignored my final text telling him it's a shame that he chose to put his feelings for her over mine and the DDs relationship. That's my last text to him.

You tried hard, not your fault.

Let go of any doubt / blame / excuses and get rid. Have long-term goals of being content and having fun.

Sounds easy, but I found the initial months very hard. Now 8 months on I know I'm so much better off. Don't waste any more of your life!

That's such a cold and detached reply... It's a shame it's happening over text?! Surely it's a shame it's happening at all, and he couldn't keep his vows?! Prick.

Oh I know, apparently he's had a dreadful week and has slept badly. That'll be down to us being away cos he didn't want us to leave. It's always all about him

The sooner you put up boundaries and text only about the kids, the better.

His actions & your words, show this is now dead in the water. I think you're doing the right thing & whatever you do, don't pamper to this areshole any longer

Thank you. I feel so very sad right now. I wish I was flying home now and not on Monday. It's for the best that I'm not, but still....

Ok so two more days on holiday with your DDs. Is there anything you three can do to make it a bit easier? Something nice to make the time go faster?

Not really, all inclusive resort in turkey, plenty of pools and stuff but in middle of nowhere. We'll get through it. I feel sick not knowing what he's up to, (he's been at the pub for the last 3 hours apparently) even though it's none of my business. I'm starting to panic in case his friend has it wrong, but I know he hasn't, he was 100% adamant that he's still in contact with her. He knows about the second phone and from texting her DH there are things that tie in (that he's said). Plus he hasn't denied it, nor admitted it. I just want to feel better and happier

The friend isn't wrong. Unless your DH is moonlighting as a drug dealer, there's no need for a secret second phone.

What he's doing now doesn't matter. You and your DDs are what matters

Your welcome Liz.

You tried, but he didn't. He wanted to keep the affair going and continue deceiving you. I'm sure he'd hate anyone to do that to his daughters.

Your girls will see you tried. They will also see a strong mum who isn't a doormat and has self respect

He's gone to all lengths to deceive you with the burner phone. That's so low, but standard for unfaithful spouses.

Oh lippy

I'm so sorry.

He blew this. He was only going thru the motions, and tbh, you can kick him back out. Enough of him and his lies.

He must think you're daft. He has zero respect for anyone, not even himself

Pathetic twat.

Thank you Hissy. I'm feeling quite down tonight, I know I've done the right thing, but there's always a touch of doubt. I know I have to be strong and stick with my decision. I could cry though at what we had and what we've lost.

Sorry to hear that Barbara, I'd be interested to hear your story.

I'm really struggling with my conscience. I'm scared that his friend is wrong but then i've been reminded that he would never have told me if he wasn't 100% sure. I'm scared I've ended my marriage without giving DH a chance to explain, not that he deserves it and he'd have denied it anyway. As it is he hasn't denied it over text, hasn't even acknowledged it.

I'm scared for the future without the person I love and whom I thought we'd be together forever.

Sorry to hear that Barbara, I'd be interested to hear your story.

I'm really struggling with my conscience. I'm scared that his friend is wrong but then i've been reminded that he would never have told me if he wasn't 100% sure. I'm scared I've ended my marriage without giving DH a chance to explain, not that he deserves it and he'd have denied it anyway. As it is he hasn't denied it over text, hasn't even acknowledged it.

I'm scared for the future without the person I love and whom I thought we'd be together forever.

Sorry to hear that Barbara, I'd be interested to hear your story.

I'm really struggling with my conscience. I'm scared that his friend is wrong but then i've been reminded that he would never have told me if he wasn't 100% sure. I'm scared I've ended my marriage without giving DH a chance to explain, not that he deserves it and he'd have denied it anyway. As it is he hasn't denied it over text, hasn't even acknowledged it.

I'm scared for the future without the person I love and whom I thought we'd be together forever.

Ah I remember your other thread

What a selfish shit. I think you really need to show your daughters what happens now if you get cheated on as you don't want them putting up with this kind of crap when they are married.

Sorry your having to deal with this again

Your conscience should be totally clear.

If this was a giant mistake and the friend is lying or confused then your DH would have been texting you and calling you non-stop denying it all.

Good riddance to him.
Text his friend and tell him to help him move back with him, that you don't want him there when you return and he can see the kids the next day.
Don't text him again. Turn your phone off for the rest of your holiday.

Life is not over. You will be okay and you will survive and be happy again.
Honestly.

To not even ring you or text you to deny it says it all.