Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

I think being so tired makes me worse so better now I'm home.
Waving, I think to get angry is good now. I haven't actually been really angry about it, just sad so I'm glad I can finally feel angry. I'm glad we now feel we're owed an apology, I didn't realise before that he should have apologised. He's a complete Neanderthal who shouldn't come out of his idiot cave without a public health warning. Luckily I think only a neanderthal woman will put up with him and there aren't many of those around. Ahhhh, I feel better now I'm laughing.

Waving, has he got back to you?
I haven't got angry yet

Well first time I've woken up in the night for a while. I'm missing him.
Waving- hope you're ok. An awful feeling to be blocked I found. It feels the ultimate rejection. I don't think it's unreasonable to want your clothes back! Perhaps he'll bring them to you if he lives close by.
I know what you mean, I thought I'd grow old with my ex too, in fact I was pregnant so could have had a child in October with him

Morning all. Psychologytoday.com has a great article in the 5 stages of grief following a breakup which shows our feelings are completely natural. Think I'm still in denial imaging us getting back together or at least thinking about meeting with him when I need to BELIEVE it's over.

Though I feel sad that my relationship didn't work out and I need to start the whole dating thing again. I loved him so much.

I think that is what makes it so hard for me. Finding someone with the same interests and starting again..
Where do I find someone like that and where do I get the energy from?

Looked on POF for a few days but OMG so not for me.

Waving, do you really need the dress back? After all this would you be able to wear it without having the emotional baggage attached to it? I don't think I could. Hope you have a good journey home.

Silk, same here. I really can't be doing with OLD. But somehow we have to get ourselves out there. Dating seems ruthless now..? Think I'll take up a new hobby and hopefully meet like minded people.. I really need to organise some counselling.
Silk, have you heard from your H?

No not heard from my ex partner. I posted in the old topic. switched my phone of on the day we agreed to speak and texted him the next day apologised for the missed calls and told him that I found it just too painful to face contact with him.
I met him through work and we had a lot of interest in common. I'm not sure how I will meet someone that special via OLD.?? I have been wanting to change jobs for some time so registered with a few agents last week, hopefully in time for when recruitment picks up in September. I'm trying to make life better by changing things I can actually do something about first. I don't like being single very much but it's going to have to do for now!

Well I've had NC today. I'm so pleased. I need to not speak or see him at all. Text I can cope with but only about the children and our split. He has tried the home phone today though. So pleased I wasn't in. It'll take me a long time to speak to him without feeling anxious and stressed.

Waving. Not really. We've only just split so he needs to come back and take his things, we need to sort out finances etc, I just wish it could be sorted ASAP as I want to make a start making changes to our home. I'm still very emotional from learning he was still in contact with OW. I do think that he wanted to make a go of it with me and DDs but he couldn't give OW up and so they stayed in touch via text. He probably thought he could manage that, and somewhere down the line he'd have arranged to meet for coffee and he'd have been back to square one with her. He has previously said he wants her in his life and that it was never so much about the sex but it was just her. Apparently she's funny, likes the same things, same wavelength, loves working and is focussed. Basically a female version of him.

It hurts that he threw everything away just so he could stay in touch with her. DDs both know that that was his choice and it hurts them too, obviously. He's still in contact with the eldest who could never be angry with him but at the mo, the youngest is giving him one word answers and tells him to stop texting her. As soon as he gets a response from them, he's frantically texting them to the point of pestering as he's so desperate to have contact. I hope he starts to realise what he's done but as much as I may want us to be together, I could never trust him. Never again. I'm sad that I won't have the opportunity to be a family with him once again.

Hello all, I had a better counselling session this week but I think that that was because it was boundaried - it was about my dreadful dreadful procrastination rather than my relationship (they are connected to everything else of course, but it's easier to discuss something practical without descending into The Pit).

I've had apologies and talks about why why why it ended - the problem is I keep coming up with new perspectives and reasons - it feels endless really and I suppose that's the point. At some point the thinking about the past has to stop in order for forward movement to happen.

Massive big hugs to you all. We're all doing the best we can, the best way we know how.

Very true Hare. I feel I'm existing rather than living. I have hopes and dreams but dont know where to make a start. I'm lonely, challenged but not in the right way.
I have a clean, tidy house, I'm organised and keep things running. Bit sure if just the school holidays but I'm shouting at my ds and hate the influence his grandma has and although his dad sees him very regularly without fail we don't talk. I really feel I want to up my life. My ex lives 3.5 hours away and I'm wondering if subconsciously he was my escape.
Haven't seen JennyMe today..
Fed up of feeling low. I do think I'm moving forward though. The extreme anxiety has gone and replaced with day to day stuff. Even in supermarket today I was thinking what I used to buy for him visiting for the weekend. I feel I'm wasting my life, thinking about him when he is the other side of the country, I'll probably never see him again and he's leading a different life, perhaps there is someone else already. I've also had a ons but not sure it's moved me further along. I still feel trapped in my life.
KOKO

Same here waving. It's awful feeling there is just no controlling the ups and downs - it's a case of managing it. When I'm around people, general chatting I'm ok. Today for example I'm off work with my son, I've spoken to no one I know. I lose focus and feel I'm just existing. In fact at the moment I'm feeling numb and a bit anxious. I wondered earlier, what's wrong with me? Something came to mind.. My ex said.. 'This does nothing for me' (as in us) .. I didn't feel he was attracted to me and only once did he say I look 'quite' sexy sitting there

Oh and he also said he could 'learn' to love me

The friend I used to confide in and spend a lot of my time with is no longer a friend- due to messaging my ex. I have a day out planned with another friend tomorrow.
I guess on balance my ex did do lots of nice things to and said he loved me mixed messages?
True I was thinking the same, when schools back, get into normal routine and more time to work on myself.
Glad your friend helped today waving. At the start I felt I had no hope but I'm getting tiny bits of 'me' back albeit slowly

Hello all, I must catch up and read the thread later.
I've been wondering how you all are. I've had a busy few days and then had a horrible looking subconjunctival haemorrhage which I think was possibly from getting tired and stressed so that's been a lesson. I had a days break from 'screens' to rest my eye. I think I try and pack too much in to keep busy and not be alone too much. I'm going to try and have more time to myself now I'm happier being alone.

Morning, I'm feeling positive at mo, saw H yesterday when he picked up some things. I didn't want to see him and he didn't think I'd be here. Calmly told him I wanted him to face the woman and children he'd betrayed and hoped he'd regret it at some point. I received a text from him this morning admitting he regretted 'this', very much so.

Thanks Waving. I think we're all slowly getting better.
Apple, I think I felt trapped in my life a while ago so went out of my (introverts) comfort zone and did some new things which worked out. I think keeping those going has helped me through all this as a few unexpected opportunities have come out of them too.
I think its true you never know what will happen if you just do something else.
I find my mood is much more stable but I've noticed that I can easily feel suffocated by people now and what they think I 'should' be doing.

I really just want to do my own thing at the moment which is probably why I fell for such an unavailable man. I think I want to meet someone who gives me a lot of space. I think I'd like to just go out on a few dates with no expectations or pressure. Just for fun.