Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

I really look forward to everyone's updates as we move forward through the ups and downs.
You have come a long way waving, my relapse when I got back from holiday was very unexpected as I came back feeling positive and ready to move on..
For me, I need to make changes. I've wanted to change job for a long time so maybe that will be my next focus.
I miss him. The plans we had and the future I thought I had has gone. I too wonder if he feels the same. I wonder why he sent the text too.
I think once ds goes back to school and get back into normal routine it will help.
Perhaps he will contact you re clothes waving. If my ex was with someone else I really would not be able to face him..

I think we're all getting to a similar place with moving on which is really helping.
Apple, I think him contacting shows that it's not so easy for some men to move on.
Whenever I think of him now, it's never anything positive, just the horrible things he did to me that I made excuses for him doing because I so desperately wanted to believe I'd finally met someone wonderful (quite the opposite I realise now). I think I'm still struggling with how to reconcile in my head the lovely man I convinced myself he was with actually the horrible deceitful man that he really is. It's like having to completely change a mental image of someone. I think once it really sinks in then I'll feel more settled again.

I'm re-joining after DH returned to the marital home only for me to have just found out he's still in contact with OW. I return from holiday today so I'll have to see him for a day or so but I don't want to. I feel as though a part of me has died during the last 6 months and he is responsible. I think I'm smiling on the outside but in mirrors and photos I realise I'm not, I look sad.

Hoping I find that inner happiness again and that he hasn't killed it off entirely

LippyLiz, stick with us. Some of us are at the very start or weeks down the line, the ups and downs are hard but we'll all get there.
JennyMe, unfortunately I still believe my ex to be that wonderful person. I'm overlooking the negatives and I need to stop. I think if he wanted to see me now, I'd still go.
Onwards, KOKO

Thank you, I'm packing cases and I feel such anxiety about going home. Not knowing what to expect. It's truly awful.

Oh dear Lippy, and welcome.

I'm just checking in really. I had such a dreadful week last week - I think the counselling session just opened up a massive tin of worms and that was my week, covered in worms.

Hello Lippy, keep going with us.

That's a hard one for you Hare, I hope the counselling sessions get easier though and the worms wriggle away from you.
Waving, yes, there was someone else in the background. I realise now that I was so off guard after my separation from a very controlling ex-h that I didn't see the red flags (actually, I didn't even know what they were as my boundaries are so vague). I met him through OLD and I was thinking today that maybe dating sites should name and shame people who mess others around so they don't get to do it to someone else. Unfortunately, I'm sure he'll be back out there ready to mess someone else around. I don't think some men understand the damage they cause to other's lives.

Morning all.
I just feel that I have lost faith in men now. My trust is shattered. I have also lost a friend as she was messaging ex, neither told me. How do I trust again? Why am I ending up around these types of people? I've been stalked previously by an ex and EA by exH. I just want to believe that 'THAT' person is out there for me, but I'm not sure he is. I often feel misunderstood.
I'm doubting these people are giving me a second thought?
Waving- you must be coming home shortly..
JennyMe/ how are you today? My brain is still fighting that my ex is/ could be that person like you I fluctuate trying to change the way I think about him. I miss him, I feel I want to see him but he is the other side of the country.

Morning. After a major wobble last night, MN has helped me gain per perspective, once again.

Lippy, when do you arrive home?

Got home late last night. No DH. House all lovely, fridge stocked. DH had made himself scarce and stayed at friends house. He's not been in touch with any of us since Saturday am. I've realised from my other thread that he is doing that thing where he puts in a bit of effort so he can come back whilst still secretly texting OW. He's not seeing her at mo as she lives hours away..,.

Hi All, sounds like we're all on a bumpy part of the road to recovery.

Apple, I can understand losing faith as it's one thing to know you deserve better and another to find it.

I'm very tired today and am feeling really angry and that I'm owed a huge apology for how I've been treated. All I was told was that he was rather tired of feeling guilty when he had nothing to feel guilty for. Some men just don't get it do they? I'll never get the apology or any closure and like your men I know he's now of probably feeling fine without a backward glance although I think he's probably got a lot worse to come in the future if he carries on like this.
Waving, hope you get settled now you're home again.

Waving, sounds like you're suffering the same as I did when I returned from holiday. It will settle as the week goes on.
I'm feeling really low today. Had a wonder with my ds in the sunshine but feeling lonely. Just don't know how to improve things. I need counselling too. I've lost my confidence and don't seem to know who I am anymore..
What did the tweets show waving?
Lippy, do you have family/ friends to support you? Do they know?
JennyMe hope you're ok today

Just saw your post JennyMe, it feels very unfair that we're the ones left suffering doesn't it. No they don't get it, makes me feel annoyed I gave a little bit of my heart away and gave him an opportunity..

I have my mum and a 3 or 4 close friends who know. He's text to say he wants access to the house to get some things and to split finances. I've told him I want him to take all his things not some. I haven't mentioned finances. I did say is go 50/50 but that was before he carried on texting OW. I'm sad, angry, relieved, anxious all in one.