Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

I decided today I wasn't going to feel annoyed when I think of him because by thinking of him it's really sinking in the truth of who be really was. I know from past experience eventually I get tired of thinking of someone.

I think we are getting better. Had a lovely day out with a friend today and our ds in the sunshine. I felt a glimmer of hope and happiness. I'm a good person and deserve to be happy, perhaps the timing was wrong with ex. I found myself admiring others in the park anyway, I realise there is more to life, I'll move on. I'm saying this now knowing that bad days will come however I'm enjoying the peacefulness within right now

Jenny, I too get suffocated when people tell me what I should be doing, saying and thinking. I also dislike it when they used to tell me what H was doing and thinking. I just needed people to listen and keep their thoughts to themselves. I don't mind on somewhere like this because you're asking for thoughts, but in real life you perhaps want suggestions but above all you want listeners X

I'm glad to read you're feeling Apple.
I think because I'm quiet people tell me what to do and tell me I shouldn't do things by myself but sometimes I want to now.
I was out this evening and realised how free I feel now. I no longer wonder what he's doing (like I used to when I was seeing him). I don't check my phone like I used to which is wonderfully liberating too.

That's good Waving. My eldest is seeing her dad today. I've emailed him a financial proposal so not particularly looking forward to him receiving that. Other than that, I'm going to unpack suitcases which have been laying about since Monday, cut the grass, go for walks and decluttering. That's the plan anyway.

I'm really glad you had a good time with friends Waving. Every little bit of happiness is a step further.

I've got a few things to do this weekend but mostly want me time and ds time.

I woke up with a real feeling of knowing where I am now (if that doesn't sound bonkers). I also thought "why do I want to be with someone who really doesn't want to be with me whatever their reasons are? ". What a waste if I my precious time.
You're all really helping me on here.
Waving, are you going on some dates?

Morning all.
Amazing what real life support/ friends can do. I've woken up with a slight dread feeling. Yesterday was a good day but I'm having a wobble. I guess it's a case of getting stronger each time?
JennyMe/ waving you really sound like you're getting there. Think I'm following slowly behind but you're really helping me too.
Lippy- keeping busy does help.

Waving that's tough. But another bolt to move you forward. You may not be ready for a date like I wasn't but it does slightly move you on. Or on the other hand, you never know what's around the corner!
Hangover depression awful, normally takes me a few days to get back on track again!
I read something this morning along the lines of.. Sometimes the blessing are not what's given to you but what's taken away. I'm holding onto that.
So are you getting your dress back or don't you care now?

Having a really gut wrenching moment, dat in coffee shop and just feel like crying, it's come from nowhere.
Waving, in the grand scheme of things it's a dress but very unfair for him not to return or post it. What an awful man.

I hope your date goes well Waving, however it turns out. Well done for running past, I guess the more you find out the more it's a reality?
I'm tempted to try OLD again just to show myself there are other men out there who are normal even if not right for me but worried that I'll find it upsetting.
Sorry you're both having a sad time today. A lovely almost stranger once gave me a card during my first divorce that said sometimes it's the holding on but sometimes it's the letting go that makes you stronger. I'll never forget the girl who barely knew me but gave it to me.
I've got a birthday in two days and am determined to use turning 42 as a turning point. I then want to actively stop dwelling on what happened and make the most of the rest of my life.

I'm feeling really quite down at the mo. H has emailed me wanting equity out of the house. I don't want him to have it though I'd compromise but I just want it over and done with.

Been looking at photos of us all on computer and I look at the house and everything we've accomplished over the last 14 years only for him to just throw it away. I'm in floods of tears and as its early days I'm sure there's more to come.

Evening all- the thread has gone very quiet. How is everyone doing?
I've had a more settled day but distracted with work. I've been thinking about him but I really do feel better slowly.
Lippy- I was with my exh 13 years it's very very tough after such a long time but you will be ok. Can you organise counselling? Are you planning on seeing a solicitor?

Hi Apple, another tough day for me. If he doesn't agree to this last email exchange, I'll be seeing my solicitor. I know in my mind what I want and what how much compromise there is so if that doesn't happen I'll make an appointment. I'll have to take into consideration the fact that I want this agreement made so he can buy a home and get his stuff out of my house. I'll feel happier then. I'm sure when I get back to work it'll be better.

I've not looked at Twitter or FB (which he rarely uses) today. I looked at Twitter last night and he referenced Johnny Cash's song 'Hurt' which made me sad. It made me feel he was sorry for what he's losing, whether that's feeling sorry for himself or remorse I don't know. He saw DD1 yesterday but made no further plans with her (or DD2 who isn't speaking to him) for today or tomorrow and I can't help but wonder what he's up to though I know it's best not to know. Roll on Tuesday.

I so want a drink and I can't have one until Tuesday as I'm on antibiotics.

What you been up to, how are you?

Lippy, I know it's tough. I was where you are with exh 7 years ago. I'm over him now, although there will always be a connection with him because of ds. He lives with new partner now. You really do need to see a solicitor for clarity and guidance.
I've been at work all weekend whilst son as exh. It helps. I find being on my own is when I overthink but I know my recent ex won't be thinking about me. I don't have finances etc to sort, I'll just never see him again we have no kids together. I'm doing ok, just a bit lost and sad but I don't have the terrible anxiety anymore.
Can you work help? Counselling through work? You will have bad days it's a given unfortunately. I sat in a coffee shop yesterday and could have cried out loud. But it's happened I'm still here all we can keep doing is keep going. We'll come out of the other end eventually one way or another. It's time ... I just feel trapped

I have seen a solicitor so I know what I could get. I'll be reasonably ok moneywise when he's gone so I'll be happy with what I want. I will speak to my solicitor get them to draw up a separation agreement thing. I just can't do divorce yet and I don't think it's something he wants at the mo either. Despite what's happened, there's still a lot of love between us. I just can't be betrayed any longer.

Waving I know you want your dress and shoes but I think it's time to let them go. Did I read that he'd bought them? If that's the case, there's a possibility that he's recouped his money. Harsh but a possibility. It serves no other purpose to get them back other than causing you anguish. He may never give it you and it could just drag on and on X

I still need to organise counselling- not sure I'm quite ready if that makes sense?
Perhaps waving that is why he isn't getting back to you? If he bought you them as a gift then he doesn't see it he needs to give them back?
glad you're feeling better waving.
Lippy. I got 70% equity.
Waving/ what happened with your date?

Apple, I'm sure there is counselling but I'm also positive that when I get back to work I'll start to feel better. I've been in limbo and drop fed information for 6 months and work and the people there have always cheered me up.

Just found out a side effect of the antibiotics is depression. Joy!

I'm looking at 60:40 but that leaves me with a house with a small mortgage and no other debt at all so is be happy with that. I'm excited at the prospect of doing it myself