Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Hello can I join. I'm on day 4 of nc from my ex bf. I decided to do this to protect myself and also to remove the support I have been giving him over the past few months.

We'd been on a break due to his severe drink problems. He needed space to sort himself out - we had been keeping in touch, he continued to tell me he loved me, that there was no-one else however I found out by social media that he had got together with a fellow addict.

When I confronted him he still denied that there was anything going on and I am sure the basis for this is a shared use of alcohol.

He is in a bad place but of course this was completely unacceptable to me - I've said my piece, ranted and raved and now reluctantly feel I must go nc with him for the time being.

I'm trying to keep busy and distracted but its very hard.

Have read through the the thread and it's a great support to see others in similar situations.

Hello, such a quiet thread today. I hope you're all okay.
I had a good day today. I'm feeling better and better. I had a really nice time out for a drink with the guy I've seen before.
I decided that's all it had to be so I felt under no pressure. As I was going home I felt quite happy that I was okay on my own.

Hello Headnotheart, I think get focused on a NC strategy and be determined to put you first.
Waving, I think what helped me really move on was having absolutely nothing more to do with him. I haven't looked at anything since NC day 1.

Today was the first day I got a dress out my wardrobe he bought for me and I actually felt fine seeing it.
I think the way he behaved was absolutely dreadful now and he's an absolute idiot. I can write that with very little emotion now.

Hello all.. I'm awake, 3.25 am! But I'm ok. I started a journal to write in during those times when the 'awful feeling' comes over me iyswim?
Now the ex friend has unfriended me on FB I feel like I can move on from it all even more. I haven't had a reply to the text I sent Wednesday to him.. Just 'thinking about you' no doubt a relationship will be progressing with someone else now
I get what you mean waving about wanting him back but not really! I'm the same. As time is progressing I'm wanting him back less and I can't think a little more balanced about him. Ie not through rose tinted glasses. Well done blocking the girlfriends Twitter. It's hard not to look but doesn't serve any purpose and just triggers feelings..
Jenny- you're sounding great too. I'm feeling better about being alone too but also a little more hopeful once I've healed I'll meet someone else.. I'm not ready yet. But I'm not as closed off from people, I'm talking more at work and it helps being around people with no pressure..
I'm able to see him better for what he was now- treat me badly etc and feel more angry.. I think I've been in a numb stage, frightened to express anger but not sure why. I think I'm still in depression stage but with more acceptance..
Welcome headnotheart- how are you? Are you managing with NC?
Although I haven't spoken to him or seen him since June I haven't been completely no contact (text messages) but perhaps that last text was the end of it and I won't hear again. Still feel sad..

Good morning, I hope you got some more sleep Apple.
I realised last night that I do like the guy I've seen twice now but am quite wary as apart from him being in an unstable position (it doesn't seem reasonable to rule him out just for being between buying houses / looking for another job) my assumption is that a good looking man will cheat on me or mess me about. That's something else to work on.

Good morning all. A sunny day here and am going for a run. Just feeling quite alone really..
What has brought about the unstable position this guy is in Jenny?
I'm going to trust my gut next time around, I think I'm overly wary so just not ready..

Unfortunately I have already fallen off the NC wagon on day 5 - mainly due to many of his friends expressing serious concern about his wellbeing. The situation is really serious. If something happens to him I will be devastated whether I am in c or nc. Anyway I text him but have heard nothing back.

Will try to get back on the wagon - hope everyone has a good week.

Jenny - understandable that you will have reservations.

I don't use strava waving but a good move to remove him. I've been for my run, feeling slightly better..
Waving I'm sure you will fancy someone else, you just haven't met him yet. I'm not going to just 'settle'.. I worry I won't meet someone with some of the qualities he had. I want to be with someone who makes me feel good, not unattractive as he did.
Heartnorhead, well done for getting to day 5, we have all fallen off the nc wagon at times.. Just keep going and remember he is not your responsibility. As tough as it is, if you're serious about it being over he needs to go to other people for support and you need to look after number 1

Think our posts crossed waving. Can you google or YouTube how to do it? I've just quickly looked and there is a strava support where you can ask the question.
Well done. You seem to be doing so well. I just have dips but am ok. Agree work helps.
I'm just starting the running again, it was tough.

Good idea to get rid of all techy related memories. I say this but can't bring myself to delete photos/block email because I don't want to see him/his name at the moment.
I think I'm just reassured that there are other likeable men who like me but I'm cautious of a man who's looking for another job and home.

Hello everyone, I'm back in my own house now (for a few days before off again) and trying to do work...not going all that well, but not because of thinking of him, so hurrah for that. There is an internal switch I can feel when a bit of me moves on and I like it when that happens - though I think I took a long time to get there because I was concerned about moving on in case he was not entirely sure

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Of course he was sure. He just wasn't entirely honest.

But I am getting better now.

Hope you are all getting better too. Though as we know it is not a linear thing....

Afternoon all. How is everyone?
I've made a positive start and joined a class plus been for a run..
Bumped into someone in the gym who described my ex as being nice man and good looking.. Felt sad, like I'll not meet someone as attractive. Arghhhh!!!!
Just trying to make the most of myself, healthy eating, gym, run etc and next to work on my self esteem.. Hope you're all doing ok

Brilliant news waving, I really do think we are all moving forward.. Not out of the woods but we are doing the right things. I met some people at the exercise class and hope I can make some new friends. I'm signing up for a short course tomorrow with work... I'm hoping that will be a distraction and help with recovery. It's counselling skills.. Also I do know I need to talk things out myself.
My ex and my ex friend did treat me badly and I'm trying to work out why.. Just why... I didn't deserve it. I'm clearly not assertive enough. Still waiting on book to be delivered.. My unavailable and fallback girl..
Is anything happening with your dates waving?

The thread is going really quiet.,..
How did your date go waving?
Thinking about ex tonight for some reason but I'm so happy the severe anxiety of the early days following split has gone. I'm now asking myself 'why' a lot..
I'm trying to think if I went wrong waving? If I did then it did not warrant the disgusting way I was treat. Sometimes, I wish I could meet with him but I don't think it will ever happen now.. Just to understand.. Not sure why or if it would achieve anything.. I wonder if he thinks of me or not.. I hope he does but somehow think I'll be replaced..
Sign.. Oh well.. Let's hope we all sleep ok tonight!

Morning all.
Ohh waving, that really must have thrown you, well done for going ahead with the date anyway. There would have been a time when you wouldn't have. I think you're doing so well, I cannot imagine seeing my ex with someone else. He was truly awful and disrespectful to you.
I feel the same, I bet ex friend and ex bf aren't feeling how I am!
Do you believe in karma?
I think it's just time when we'll think about them indifferently.
I think you'll still be quite vulnerable which isn't a good start for a new relationship and you're already not sure... Next?!

Waving, I absolutely understand where you are coming from. All I can say is, it's early days. Did you get au pair sorted? You are doing all the right things and are a much better person than him. I'm still up and down and still the feeling comes over me but i block out at times as can't face to properly process it. Counselling will help- I've yet to organise.. Can't really afford.
Is your ex place up for sale? He will be gone.. Hold onto that..