Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Opening up for happiness

438 replies

hareinthemoon · 17/08/2016 16:53

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

OP posts:
WavingNotDrowning · 02/09/2016 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hareinthemoon · 02/09/2016 16:18

I think the comment upthread about them just not thinking about consequences (or thinking that the consequences apply to them) is relevant here...

Though I confess to being generally nonplussed as to what goes through their heads. I'd like to stop feeling that "my fist" is a decent answer to that though. I'm getting really bored with the swings from anger-sadness-anger-sadness on a loop. I'd like to finally get to the nirvana of couldn't give a toss. Sometimes I think I'm there and then I realise anger or sadness had just popped to the loo for a second, and they're back and I'm in the loop again.

OP posts:
Original poster
hareinthemoon · 02/09/2016 16:25

Note to all/self. Do not repeat doing anything that makes you anxious or sad or negative. It serves no purpose. We need to cut it out of our lives.

OP posts:
WavingNotDrowning · 02/09/2016 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 02/09/2016 17:36

I'm not getting many of the 'ups' at the moment..I'm flatness, numb, nothingness, can't be bothered. Definitely has levelled out for me although seems to have spiller over into general stuff now. Sometimes I'm in disbelief it has all happened and I haven't actually dreamt it. I really do think the only thing that improves it is time. I do think it takes a lot of soul searching.
Nice new haircut for me and night out. I'm just going to observe. I feel a bit 'slowed down' .. I was on autopilot and going at a fast pace now I feel the opposite. Awful.

CakeyMcCakey · 03/09/2016 08:07

I'm still in a loop of thinking this is for the best and wishing he would get in touch - even just to be cross with me. I hate that. I have always been so so independent. Why do I need him? I know that we weren't right together but a little voice tells me that something was better then nothing and I may not find anyone as good as him, let alone better.

I was happily single for 7 years! When did I become one of those women that need a partner even if it's not right?

I had blocked him on my phone but kept unblocking to see if a text would come through. I've deleted his number now. Didn't have it written anywhere else so that's a good step forward I guess.

WavingNotDrowning · 03/09/2016 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 03/09/2016 10:48

Morning all. I had a good night out, definitely helps. Texted him but no reply, I'm feeling this morning like I don't care anymore.. Wish I hadn't texted though. Nothing bad.
Waving- yes I have symptoms of depression and I don't think the ads suit me so will go back to gp.. I do have happy times too is enjoyed myself last night but then seems to be followed by a low spell.. Perhaps that's normal I'm not sure. What are your plans for the weekend?
Koko

Applecrumbling · 03/09/2016 11:08

I really do think the more you talk about it the better, however hard.
I can definitely say and BELIEVE I'm moving on from him now.
Cakey you don't need him. I've been at that stage too where you think anything is better then nothing but you know it wasn't right. prepare yourself for the right one- that's my aim.
My attachment to him is fading. I haven't seen him since mid June and know it's just myself I have have to battle with now. I felt the same re finding someone as good but I'm starting to get some hope it will happen as I get more confident ..

WavingNotDrowning · 03/09/2016 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 03/09/2016 13:26

Think the fear of being alone is also a stage. What I'm trying to remind myself if I've met people who are interested, I have been married/ had boyfriends so the EVIDENCE suggests otherwise. It's just finding someone suitable/ compatible..
I met my ex by chance, so you really don't know what is around the corner..
I'm home alone too, but trying to enjoy it. Will go to gym after. I initially lost weight but have gained again, not a lot but need to get back to it. So happy to have found this thread as we move forward at whatever stage.
Not seen JennyMe for a few days..

WavingNotDrowning · 03/09/2016 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 03/09/2016 21:47

How is everyone this evening?

JennyMe · 03/09/2016 23:35

Hello all, I had a busy couple of days with ds abs his activities. I also had a friend round (male) to help me with some work. He really likes me and he's a lovely guy and I know people think it would be great if we got together but I just don't it's all there for me with him. It has made me wonder whether it will be with anyone now. I think my Tinder curiosity is over with now. I had lots of messages but realised I've got no interest in sending messages back to a stranger. I'm meeting one guy tomorrow from it, just because he's 2 miles from me and has a son the same age as mine and he looks good looking. I'm only meeting him as it's convenient but just can't be bothered otherwise. I think all your thoughts about us being okay alone have come at the right time. I just don't think I'm ready for another relationship.

Applecrumbling · 04/09/2016 08:29

Morning.
I think I'm in the same place Jenny, not ready. My confidence has been hugely knocked. I've been on tinder too but feel scared to even reply to the messages! I'm fragile and not where I want to be to start anything..
Had a bad nights sleep.
I guess it's good news that people are interested I'm just too scared to invest emotionally and then get hurt. Not sure I'm cut out for it anymore!

WavingNotDrowning · 04/09/2016 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JennyMe · 04/09/2016 09:14

Good morning, sounds like we're all at the same stage (I guess which isn't surprising). I think it will be nice to go out and meet this guy just out of curiosity but I wondering how anyone will fit into my busy life as my ds is with me 24/7, is in his final year at school with his emotions all over the place. I think my main focus for the next year is me and him. It just feels so lonely at times, just the two of us and I worry that he has no male influence in his life. I think I do need some me/adult time but it needs to be right for me. Someone said what a waste it would be if I didn't meet anyone else. I'm still trying to work out what the 'waste' would be. I wasn't one of the finalists in the comp but I'm so pleased that I got asked to do it and being with all the other girls was a wonderful experience.

Applecrumbling · 04/09/2016 09:32

Do you both feel like the 'madness' anxiety etc has gone and you are just left with a blank piece of paper? That's where I am. Just left with rawness and to try to piece my life back together.. Somehow.
Jenny- you never know, go along to the date and see how you feel.. What are you doing for the date?
People keep telling me, something will change, hang in in there etc

WavingNotDrowning · 04/09/2016 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 04/09/2016 09:34

How did the date go waving?
Jenny you did very well to get so far in the competition

WavingNotDrowning · 04/09/2016 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 04/09/2016 09:36

Waving.. That's a good plan. I'm certainly up for learning to be happy alone..

Applecrumbling · 04/09/2016 09:38

Lack of sleep and feeling low.. Gp this week as I think the ads are not helping.
The rawness, in some ways I've been in denial.. So I guess it's coming out

WavingNotDrowning · 04/09/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling · 04/09/2016 15:11

Waving.. I think it's being open to different types and giving them a chance. He may have been nervous.
Seems we also go for the same type.. I had a day out with my son and it's been nice.. I did something completely different, something new and I thought to myself we are creating new memories with new experiences for the future..
As I say, I'm not sure if I'm just not cut out for a relationship or if it's because they have been the wrong ones...
Hope everyone is doing ok..