Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Hang on in there waving, we are all going through the same! It's so tough! It's a case of riding out these lies until they get less. 5 months but better than 5 years. Don't look as its unhelpful.. Or have you already?

Lows not lies

Yeah I get agitated too.. It will get better. I'm watching tv with a glass of wine in hand. A better day here. Strangely, the 2 times I have made significant moves to move on, in my mind, he texts! I haven't seen him since June but he texted today- again just generally.. Perhaps he's having low points too.. But I'm ok and am accepting it's over regardless of the texts..
We wouldn't have stuck around if there weren't nice times but ultimately I think it just mustn't have meant to be..

Just saw this quote.
"If I quit now, I'll be back to where I started. And when I started I was desperate to get to where I am now"
Don't forget how far we've come. KOKO

It's almost like trying to condition your own mind.. There will be set backs but as long as we're moving forward, which we are, that's all that counts.
We couldn't breathe, think straight, believe we could get to where we are now. But we have.
Work/ school routine helps.

It will come in time.. Unfortunately I think we just have to heal and be patient..

Absolutely f&@£ing fed up yes!!
I was happy too, so was he.. We could have been having a baby next month. I don't understand.. I think there is an OW.
It's ok to be Moany fed up etc.. This thread has keep me going in my darkest moments .. I hope I can give something back.
You have lots to look forward to.. Doing up your house etc you have had dates but ultimately the hardest part is, it comes from yourself to feel better and ready.. I honestly think.. That's just a time thing..

So date over with. It was interesting reading on here before I went out about types of men we go for. I had a good time and I think the date was a useful learning experience. I really don't know though. He was my usual type, good looking, good job but looking to move, nice car etc AND I would say Mr Unavailable. Just sold his house, staying here and there, unfairly unstable it seems. Big sigh.

It reinforced to me I always go for the unavailable guys and any available stable ones I'm just not interested in.
I think our moving on thread should be getting happy being alone. I think the date made me realise, I just don't know what I'm doing.

Father of my son has moved 5 hours away this weekend, he wasn't helping or seeing ds anyway but it just reinforced how entirely alone in the world I am with absolutely no parenting back up. I don't often swear but what a F B* some men are. Ds starts year 11, we couldn't have been left alone at a worse time.

It's lovely having some male company but I'm really not sure it's the right time. I think the OLD experience has shown me that meeting a random stranger isn't going to work for me. Maybe the universe is telling me it's time to just focus and be there for ds.
You're all right, I think we should remember how far we've come and really keep working on ourselves.

I think I'm just bewildered by life and I think feeling a bit anxious, probably because I'm tired.

Waving, I think you're right. Focus on all our positive - dc, homes, jobs, family, friends, hobbies.

I think we'll all be doing great in a years time.

Very good list Waving, I'm going to write that down.

Thank God for this thread and all of you, I honestly don't know how I would be without it.

It was 'his / ex's' birthday today, I actually feel very distant from him now which is good. I think going on the date has helped me move on.

In my panic of being left alone with ds, just now I suddenly remembered how determined and how strong I felt when I left ex-h when ds was 4 months old, I was sooooo determined that I could do it alone and we'd be okay, I really felt that determination again. I will raise him alone and any father that can't put in the effort doesn't deserve either of us in their life. I will remember exactly why I left his father and why I can do this.
You've all been wonderful on here, you really have.

Yes, I know what you mean, it is the stuff inside. I'm still reading the Natalie Lue book and I've downloaded the Nice Girl Syndrome so those are my next reads.
I think turning 42 and 42 being the answer to life, the universe and everything means that I am the answer to 42.

We need to go in search of a good book for the inside stuff and then all read it together. I think we should have a reunion in a years time and be called 'The NC Girls' and then we can write books ourselves on how to do it. I'm all for these good ideas, no wonder I end up in mad events.

Morning all, just caught up on last nights updates and it made me smile
Waving- the internal stuff I think we work on through counselling, improving self esteem, knowledge and perhaps a relaxation class.. Yoga/ meditation. I need to practice mindfulness and living in the moment, rather than looking to far back or too far forward.
Jenny- glad your date was a useful learning experience. I too went for Mr Unavailble and its soul destroying to not get anything back.. I won't be so unfair on myself again.
Had texts from him last night and actually I feel a bit annoyed.. Just general stuff but I wonder why he's texting. Is he testing the water, is he having low points, or trying to keep me as an option?
Back to work for me today, ds back to school tomorrow and back to the normal routine..
How is everyone today?

Morning.. I don't think I could go back no. He is too unavailable. If he came to me and said all the right things but it isn't going to happen. Also, he is 3.5 hours away so would still have dilemma of moving. There is a book, 'mr unavailable and the fallback girl' I've heard some people recommend on MN.
Waving- he is emotionally invested in the other women, that's what's he's thinking and doing did he get back to your email about the dress?
Are you at work today? Best to keep distracted and thinking of the positive things you mentioned..
I drank a bottle of wine last night.. With ds back at school tomorrow my aim is to get fit/ healthy again