Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Arghh I just don't understand these men. How f-ed up must he be?
Leave them to it.. You know it won't last, she'll eventually want someone closer to her own age and karma will come back around.
It's ok to feel sad, Moany, depressed. It's a reaction of what's happened to you, not actually you. Are you keeping in contact with any of your dates?

Evening all. The thread has gone quiet again, hope everyone is doing ok?
Glad you're feeling better waving. The mood swings/ changes are difficult to deal with I know! would appreciate link to loa exercises.
I'm learning to just go with however I'm feeling and not panic.. I am moving on though.
I'm thinking of him now, feeling very distant from him even though he texted last night, no idea what that's about...I'm missing him though..

Morning. I will look it up. Ds back to school today so back to the usual routine and I can get to the gym/ run.
I'm in the depression stage too but I'm thankful that the severe anxiety has subsided.. I'm just left a bit bored, lost, lonely but I need to fill my time.
The texts- just general stuff- what he is up to at the weekend. Nothing at all emotional or personal, I reply similarly but I'm not sure why. It feels nice to hear from him.. Only every 3/4 days and one or two texts..
We will get there...

Hello, yes, back on after trying to sort holiday details out.
Apple, I've read the Mr Unavailable book - it hit so many nails on the head I could have built a shed.
I think I've got to an interesting place. Ex is very much at the back of my mind now. Whether it will stay that way I don't know. I think what's helped is having been on a date with someone else. It made me realise he isn't the only man in the world. I was surprised as the guy I went for a drink with messaged me and asked me out again. I'm not sure he's a good idea because his life seems somewhat unstable but I've agreed but haven't replied to his message today. I decided he can wait a few days until I decide when I can fit him in my schedule. Before I would have jumped to please them in fear of not seeing them and being left on the shelf. I feel I'm very much watching myself in this situation, proceeding with caution whereas before I would have thought it was all great and wouldn't have given any details a second thought. I went for a drink with someone else and I don't think I like him. I've also realised I'm not keen on someone constantly messaging me and I really don't feel I want someone who does that now.
Someone else asked me out who seems a really nice quiet guy but who would be very sensible. I realised I'm not interested because I seem to be attracted to the 'bad boys'. I'm learning my pattern so I think dating a bit is a useful experience.

I hope you're all okay today.

Waving, I was thinking today about how well you must manage with all your dc!

Evening, nice to see some updates.
I just get that book Jenny, your comment about the shed made me smile
I think it's all a learning process.. One thing I have learnt is the beginning of a relationship is very important to its future.. I don't think constant texts are healthy and hard to keep up. I think the slow starts are the best starts.
I've lost so much confidence and feel like I'm having to learn everything over again.. Is that normal? What explains that? What I am finding is I'm 'looking around' noticing other men which has to be a good thing. I am at the same time missing him.
I think as time progresses new things will fill our lives naturally.. Or we'll just get better at dealing with the mood changes.
I really want to talk out loud about it, still need to organise counselling..

Yes, I think you're right about the starts and taking time. I feel like I've lost confidence in myself to be able to make a good decision Or judge someone's character as I think if they think I'm lovely then they must be.

Morning, I woke in the night thinking about him again. I had a stressful day at work yesterday and it made me think about him more. I was tempted to text him last night but I didn't.
How did you feel when you saw him waving?

Hello all, been away to visit a friend and do some creative work - that was good. Now have a lot of (non-, or only semi-creative) work to catch up on. But it's all good.

I think I would like to do some LOA exercises as well. I am moving further into acceptance territory and, while it is sad, it is nowhere near as horrible as the raw grief and anger.

Hope you all have a great day

afternoon all. I have an opportunity to change my working patterns and may go for it. I've been in the sunshine this morning. I've been thinking of texting him. I just want him back ... But I don't! Hope you understand that!!
I'm generally sad but ok iyswim. Like hare says nothing like the anxiety and raw grief now.. I still imagine meeting with him as I want answers etc but I'm petrified of feeling how I did again..
Hare - we haven't seen you for a while, glad you've checked in again and good to hear the progress..
Waving.. Good on you.. I hope he realises what he's missing, but good riddance.not sure why I'm taking the backward step on wanting him back?

Good morning all, I think you're all getting to a better place. I've definitely come to the acceptance stage and I don't feel a lot of sadness now. I had a moment of sadness this morning when I realised it really is a reality that I can move on now. I think because I see him in such a different light now I wouldn't want him back. I deserved so much better. It almost seems like madness what I put up with. Looking forward really helps. I hope you're all okay today and I think we all got lucky.

Morning all.. Jenny you sound really positive and accepting. I'm not quite there. I really do think it is all still sinking in.. I've been so busy and not really allowing myself proper time to process it. I texted him last night but only that I'm thinking about him. I really need to get my head around that it isn't going to happen. Ever. I have time off work today and will do something nice..
I've had some better moment at work, connecting with people more but I still push people away.. It's like I'm protecting myself from everyone! Arghhhh. I'm feeling this year has been a disaster.
Have a positive day everyone

Waving, did you go for your run today and wave?

Good for you waving... Glad you're feeling better. Yes work and distraction does help.
I just feel utterly used and stupid for getting involved with him in the first place. He was into me, told me he loved me, wanted me to uproot my life then it just changed... My best friend told him some private stuff and they messaged each other. She was taking revenge for something she thought I'd done which I hadn't. She later found that out. She has moved away now but it does feel like my life has changed so much and everyone has left me..
I sometimes wonder is this some kind of punishment for me? I'm feeling a failure, divorced, 2 failed relationships.. Lost friendships.. I have done lots of positive things too but.. Ultimately I feel left on my own.. Think I'm wallowing sorry and there are people much worse off than me but I just feel so let down..

Apple, I can understand how you feel. I have two marriages and two other relationships behind me which I wonder what people think of.
Waving, your ex sounds like he's sounds like he's doing that on purpose.