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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Drunk husband will he stop?

231 replies

Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 20:59

My family (2ds aged 5 and 6) and husband went to first football game today. Dh got so drunk so fast that by the end of the game I was embarrassed of his and the boys behaviour. So cross I left. He was encouraging boys to shout offensive things and we weren't even in the right area - posh seats. Everyone staring at us. I tried to discourage boys and he egged them on. In the end I left as just a short walk home thought it would be okay. But as I sat at home waiting took them and hr to return. Boys were distraught. Dh had been falling over all the way home it took them an hour to come maybe 200yds. He then collapsed in the hall way and poor children confused. I'm devastated, embarrassed and confused. He has form with drinking but we had troubles and I thought they'd gone now I'm scared am on Rocky road again. Sitting waiting for boys to fall asleep as they're confused and upset. Not really sure what to do. Also feel horribly guilty that I left but I know I couldn't have easily stayed without him verbally abusing me and hadn't realised quite how drunk he was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:03

Exec box

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:04

I better go to bed. Thankyou for all of your support helping me to get my head straight at least and be realistic.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 23:06

Will he be in any fit state to look after the dc tomorrow?

PickAChew · 14/08/2016 23:09

If you have to, take tomorrow as a sick day. You can't leave the kids with him after what they witnessed - and he'll have a pig of a hangover and a pissy pukey house to deal with. Insist on taking a walk, out to somewhere public, like a park, where the kids can go play out of earshot, and have words. You have to call him on it while he's sober, it's fresh in everyone's mind and you're not out of the public eye.

If he makes a scene, there, bugger not calling the police.

piggybank · 14/08/2016 23:09

I am so sad for you and your boys. Don't focus short term on stopping the drinking. If he hasn't stopped for his children in the last 6 years then he won't. He didn't stop after he struck you.

Short term focus should be speaking to women's aid tomorrow on your lunch break at work. Or call in sick and call them from elsewhere. You need to get yourself and your children out as soon as possible.

Hope you can stay strong and brave x

Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:10

Well he collapsed at 7 so yes. He'll have a stinking hangover but yes.

OP posts:
BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 14/08/2016 23:11

But you were with him? Or did I misunderstand?

Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:11

I'm gutted

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:12

He got home after an hr walking 200yds the boys say he went the long way home. Fell over 4 times. Then collapsed in our hallway.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 23:13

Sorry but you left your dc with him today and they were traumatised and now you're swanning off tomorrow and leaving them scared and upset with him hungover to bits?

You should phone in sick, reassure your dc and start prioritising their well-being.

piggybank · 14/08/2016 23:14

You must feel devastated. I am so sorry :- (

Big hug.

piggybank · 14/08/2016 23:17

Agree with Walter's last post.

Stay home. Start calling lawyers. I would not give a second chance now. That is it. He has been violent with you in the past and you covered it but now the his erratic behaviour is showing itself to you wee boys.

Be brave xx

piggybank · 14/08/2016 23:19

your wee boys.

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 14/08/2016 23:20

Even the exec box doesn't have wine fountains. And someone has to pay for it. I am still :O that he managed to go to football game without mega pre- drinking in the pub and get so arse holed that he fell over. And that you just left him and the kids to it.

Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:21

Beenthere neither can I.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:22

I've learnt my lesson

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/08/2016 23:24

I disagree that op should stay home tomorrow. Yes, in the short term that would be better for the DCs but she has to play the long game now.

This is the DCs primary cared. Ops focus has to be on getting support and gathering evidence so she can prove her P isn't fit to have residency. She can't tip her hand. She needs to act as if everything is normal, put a plan together and then leave.

Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:26

If I make a police statement will they inform my husband? Wondering if I can't putting stuff on record without him being alerted?

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowjumper47 · 14/08/2016 23:26

Sorry can start putting stuff on record

OP posts:
starryskies78 · 14/08/2016 23:46

Op I feel so bad for you and your kids, I really believe you need to be there for them tomorrow, they're going to be very upset and confused. If there's any way, please don't go to work. You'll have no idea what's happening at home all day and it will drive you to distraction. Be there for those kiddies. Get a plan into action. Your posts sound like you want to still make it work, I can understand why, but like many other posters have said, it won't get better and in all likelihood it will just get worse. Big hugs, such an awful situation, stay strong.

Bogeyface · 14/08/2016 23:47

I hardly think that keeping her job by going to work can be classed as "swanning off"

I am disgusted at the amount of piling on the OP has had. She is just realising how bad her situation is, maybe you could try being kinder to the frog who has just realised that it is sitting in boiling water?

Bogeyface · 14/08/2016 23:49

OP, its unlikely. If there is no immediate risk to you or the kids then there is no reason for them to arrest him.

Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 23:49

People don't lose their jobs by calling in sick once.

Bogeyface · 15/08/2016 00:12

Walter is right. Especially if they call in sick with D&V or something else equally virulent that everyone would rather you kept at home.

tipsytrifle · 15/08/2016 00:45

In answer to your question - No. He won't stop until he harms himself with booze and you and the DC with even worse destruction. Three lives are on the line. You are responsible for you and DC while he isn't responsible for anything but violence and throwing up on the floor. This has been an absolutely horrendous awakening for you, OP. It's time to start planning your exit from an excrutiatingly abusive relationship. I'm sure you don't feel ready for this but really, it's time.

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