Just found out partner has been cheating

[Standingonmytippytoes]

That's it really. We've been together 10 years. The girl in question came around an hour ago to inform me. Apparently according to him because he ended things with her.
I had a long post but I lost it and I say girl because she was 17. Partner is 33.

Why don't you take your grieviance with Leef to your own thread, Anyfucker?

Someone has asked for support and all you two are doing is making it about you and ignoring the fact that some poor family has been devasted through the selfish actions of two people.

Like I said the OP needs support, advice and just a space to rant without others taking over her thread.

I'm sorry you are going through this op.
Wether she's wrong or too young to know better makes no odds really.its just a disgusting thing to have happened all round.
I think you have done the right thing telling his and your family. I didn't do that and that allowed my ex to tell a lot of lies about me, which has made me feel worse in lots of different ways. A few months down the line.The people that count will believe you no matter what, but the peripheral people will usually believe what they are told first. You may be surprised by how much that matters later on. Therefore I would tell any mutual friends the truth before he can spin it his way.

'Thread stealing' seems to be a common occurrence recently, an OP posts a new thread, wants support. An argument takes place and becomes all about the 2/3 posters trying to pick apart each other's piddly little sentences. FFS it's not about you and your little soapbox!

OP hope your OK, has he tried to get in the house this afternoon/eve or has he given you some space?

Sorry OP, I didn't mean to hijack your thread.

leef Simply put the man wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I've always told him i he would rather he left me than cheated.
Mrstumbletap he came over this afternoon with my permission for some clothes and toiletries. Kept telling me he wants to talk. Wants to come back to me and his family.
Should of thought about that before he got his dick sucked shouldn't he.

After talking to you did he take the toiletries and leave?

Yeah he will say that, because what are his options now? He lives with her at the age of 17? Unlikely. He wants his wife and kids and the happy family he didn't give a stuff about for the last few months. Has he admitted how long it went on for?

We didn't have a proper chat. I told him I didn't want to talk and he was to leave. We had a cry my mum advised me to have all his stuff bagged up.
Yeah he admitted last night I know when they started txting as well because his phone contract is in my name I can go look at his bills.
He has no options is homeless he only works part time with no option for full time where he currently works. So can't afford his own place he's a fucking idiot. I wonder if he seriously thought I'd never find out.

So he has literally lost everything?? Wonder if he ever thought it was all worth it.
You and your children deserve so much better

He thought he was so clever, didn't he

But he's really, really stupid

You don't need someone so stupid in your life

No he probably didn't OP, clearly he wasn't thinking clearly about the long term in this situation. Well done for asking him to leave, you need to think about you and your DC and what you want to do. Talking tonight with him would have just made you angry or upset.

Have you got some support in real life? I know you said about building friendships have been difficult, do you have siblings, is your mum good at being a listening ear? We are here too, vent and talk all you want.

So sorry your going through this OP, I think I remember your last post

He will need to sort himself out, he is not your problem

Here for a hand hold if you need, I am in awe of the strength your showing in complete awe

Cheaters never think they'll get caught, until they do. They want the nice family at home and a bit on the side.

It's selfish entitled behaviour. No more, no less.

OP - please get STD tested as you don't know who else he's been with or who the 17 year old madam has been with either.

Your health is paramount and he's put it at risk.

Yes I tried to get a doctors appointment today but couldn't going to try again tomorrow.

Has he left?

Oh god, I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you, not nice at all.

Yes hes gone.

Well done OP. Really hope you have the support you need for you and your DC.

How are you doing standing? Did you manage to get any sleep?

Slept fine thanks fox tbh I don't really miss him for the last few months he's been so withdrawn now I know why.

I think in his mind he'd really decided to make a go of us again because his behaviour had changed the day before it all came out.
It's just the fact he's thrown his family down the drain for a fumble. I think he thought if he did get caught he'd be able to lie his way out of it. I've spent so much of our relationship without any outside support.
Plus I didn't want to have to raise my children without their father in their home life. It makes me sad.

It is sad. It's sad that he was willing to give you up so easily. But what's not sad is that you've reacted to this very well indeed. You've done the right thing, and are magnificent. Really, Standing. I am so impressed with you.

Onward and upward.

It is sad.
Absolutely heartbreaking and devastating.
But you sound strong.
I'm glad you got some sleep as well.
For now it will be a relief to know why he's been behaving the way he has.
But you will get to the grief stage at some point.
Stay strong.
You are doing great.
(sounds patronising, but you know what I mean?)

I remember that sadness and disbelief. My over-riding thought for months was an incredulous 'how could he do this?'

But eventually I think you will realise that none of the details matter. He wasn't the man you thought he was, it happened and all of your lives will change as a consequence. It wasn't your fault. The important thing now is how you deal with it and I agree with pp, you sound strong and when the dust settles you and your DC will be better off without him.

Please don't think I'm being condescending or prescriptive, but now more than ever you need to focus on you and your Dc. Do what is right for you, not him. Stay strong and be kind to yourself- you may well still be in shock and it is important to make sure that you are looked after. Rely on your lovely mum and sis as much as you can x

I don't think you're being condescending. In rl I'm keeping it together with the dcs, going to take them somewhere nice today with dm and dsis.
Barely talking about expartner. But it is nice to have somewhere to vent.

OP - you really come over as incredibly strong considering what you're dealing with.