Just found out partner has been cheating

[Standingonmytippytoes]

That's it really. We've been together 10 years. The girl in question came around an hour ago to inform me. Apparently according to him because he ended things with her.
I had a long post but I lost it and I say girl because she was 17. Partner is 33.

Fuck fuck fuck I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.
My dc's are only 3 and 2. Both of which are non verbal ds has autism. Dd we think is the same. He's such a large part of their routines.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He sounds like an absolute scumbag.

Your DCs will adapt. It will be hard but they will find a new normal. Do you have any trusted friends or family to support you and DCs over the next few weeks? With practical things?

She described somethings told me there's a lamp beside our bed which he told her to turn off when ds came in the room during the night. I confronted him with this and he confirmed it to be true.
It's the fact he's still lying about pieces of information that fucks me off. I'll never be able to trust him again.

She's not the 'malicious home wrecker'! Jeez! She's done op a favour! He's the home wrecker. We don't even know if she knew he was in a relationship. Well done for kicking his sorry arse out. How dare he bring her back to your house

Good God that is young for a man his age. Hope you can get him to leave OP.

With your kids in the house. Horrendous. What a truly disgusting man.

She's not the 'malicious home wrecker'! Jeez! She's done op a favour! He's the home wrecker. We don't even know if she knew he was in a relationship. Well done for kicking his sorry arse out. How dare he bring her back to your house

I just want to say I blame him completely for this not her. He's the home wrecker.
He told me about this girl who came to his work a few months ago she told him in no uncertain terms that she knew he was in a relationship and that all she wanted was sex. He told me he sent her on her way. Which he apparently did but she somehow wormed her way back in and they started this "relationship".

I was in a relationship with him and not her it's up to him to keep his dick in his trousers.

I'm still processing. Thanks you guys are really keeping me going right now.

He's putting the dc's to bed I've told him to leave after that.

Oh op I'm so sorry this has happened what a absolutely Bellend

This man does not deserve you. Your dc will adapt
This is a heartbreaking situation op I'm so sorry

I wouldn't bother telling her parents, I would be too busy telling his parents

The utter bastard - with your non verbal kids in the house!!! Knowing how difficult they would find it to tell you even if they did see/witness something. Oh I am incandescent on your behalf OP.

Tell him to leave or you will also tell his boss at the shop that he has been shagging 17 year old customers.

Tell him to leave or you will also tell his boss at the shop that he has been shagging 17 year old customers.

Oh she also told me everyone in his work knows about them.

I am so sorry OP.
You may be able to work through it (I say that as someone who did, happened 10 years ago and no dc to consider) But that may not be what you want and there's no way he should be asking you to do that at this moment. He should be apologising his arse off and giving you the space and time you need. (And simultaneously stepping up as a parent and not just leaving you to it). Your DCs will adapt. Without sounding harsh, on a parenting site, look after yourself at the moment.

I hope he just leaves and doesn't try to spin you more lies or try to make you feel guilty I.e using the DCs as reason for him to stay.

He slept with the ow whilst they were there- he has zero moral compass and will try it all to get you to cave. He doesn't respect you so be prepared for more crap from your DH (dickhead husband) than that bloke who ate the really old chicken on another thread xxxxxxx

Christ on a bike! He's probably taken her to tea at his parents too!

So sorry you are going through this OP.

They're both at fault.

She knew he was in a relationship and so did he.

The trust is gone and he totally disrespected you by having her in your home on top of the very act of cheating.

Sorry for your pain right now.

Be careful about going to tell her parents . I did the same and the girls father came to my house and had a go at ME DH just fucking sat there .

She's still messaging me wants to meet up and compare notes apparently.

I wouldn't Op . She's a silly 17 year old girl that is in way over her head . Don't feed into her drama .

Tell her to fuck off.

She clearly wants revenge and is probably revelling in all this drama. So thank her for informing you and then end contact, anything else will just encourage more from her and you have enough to deal with without her teenage drama.

Messaging you how? Does she have your number?

She'll plaster it all over FB with some obscure message and then reply to people who ask 'what's up hun' with Inbox me .

She has no clue as to the devastation she and your cunt of a partner have caused.

I wouldn't engage with her, partly because the temptation to rip her head off would be too much to handle, and also because you're above all that shite. You and your little ones are what matters, not your arsehole x and his bit on the side!