Just found out partner has been cheating

[Standingonmytippytoes]

That's it really. We've been together 10 years. The girl in question came around an hour ago to inform me. Apparently according to him because he ended things with her.
I had a long post but I lost it and I say girl because she was 17. Partner is 33.

Above was to Bogeyface

What a prize dick ! I'd tell his parents, you've nothing to be ashamed off and you don't want him to minimise it.

Sorry for what you're going through OP. Unfortunately I have been there (well, she wasn't 17 or I'd have fucking smacked him some more ).
Don't hesitate to tell people, holding his secret will be a weight on your shoulders, and if he gets his version in first you know it's not going to be accurate! Please know that this is not about you at all, it's about his ego, his character flaws, his selfishness. It's not a reflection on anything you have done or anything you are. You will do fine without this prick.

Sorry Doinmummy

So sorry OP. What an absolute arsehole he is! I'd tell his parents asap they will probably support you and tell her parents too, hopefully they'll be thoroughly ashamed of her and her dad will kick his arse.

Op put your energy into asking people for support and help with the dc. Don't get sucked into thinking about the young woman or the drama of her.

ANYF you seem to have an issue with men?! I've been married 12 years and I'm 32 and i know how girls were when i was that age and i see how some are now

I have an "issue" with men who call 17yo's "sluts" if that's what you mean

Don't come onto a female dominated parenting sit, come out with shit like that and not expect to get called on it

*site

And whether it's female dominated or not that shouldn't matter me and my wife are both on here discussed this thread and others u don't like it cos a mans said some 17yr olds act like sluts if it was a woman saying it u probably wouldn't say anything, I can tell you have an issue with men I see from a few other threads you have the same attitude towards men!

If you had researched my posts a bit more widely you would see I also take issue with women calling other females "sluts"

Just because your wife agrees with your misogyny doesn't make it ok

Ladies & Gents,

The OP really needs support right now, not you bickering on her thread!

I'm sorry OP this is an almighty shock for you.
Take your time, take time for you - it's about what you want now, what is best for you and the little ones. Not him.
As for her.... Block her. Sounds quite immature - Wanting the attention and drama.

Good luck to you OP

OP, you have no real idea of what this girl is like as a person, which of them pursued the relationship, what her motives were or how she feels about it now.

When I think about my dc's friends, they are all so different. I know several 17yo girls who are very young and inexperienced, they have never had boyfriends and would be easy prey for an older charmer who knew which romantic buttons to press.

But then I also know girls of that age who lie about their age to men in clubs, have tinder profiles and meet men for sex regularly and are well aware that they are young, beautiful and desirable to men, whether they are already in relationships or not.

You know how your DH is painting her because it's in his interests to do so but you don't really know her. I would cut off all contact with her and focus on him. If she is the first type then she doesn't deserve your anger and if she is the second type any contact from you will fuel the drama.

Don't keep his secret. Tell everyone and receive the support you need. You and your DC deserve so much better.

How horrid all round.

On a more practical note OP you'll need to book an STI test. Doesn't sound like he's given your health/welfare/safety a second thought.

Hope you managed some sleep and he's away now.

Just to add - the fact that she wants to meet you 'to compare notes' shows that her motive was hurting him. She thinks she's done you a favour and has no idea about how you are feeling. It will be a lot of years before she is able to look back and properly empathise with you.

Oh OP I'm so sorry your H has done this. I agree with others that telling his parents could mean you get some much needed support (including with DC).

(And hear hear, Anyfucker).

OP-
● Do try and get some rest.
● Keep hydrated
● Have something to eat
● Get some fresh air. Go out for a walk
● Think through your next steps
● Don't settle for less than you deserve

There isn't only ever one person at fault in every situation, as it takes 2 to tango where infidelity is concerned.

FWIW I agree with Leef.

I've told my mum. She's beyond angry. Going to tell his parents this afternoon.

I simply can't believe that she wanted 'no strings sex' right there, right then, with him! This is not a Porn Film! No strings sex you can get behind any pub on a friday night!

They cultivated each other in the normal way I reckon; flirting over the shop counter, before he decided that his relationship was not worth it and he went for it. IMVHO, anyway!

She is 17, not in a relationship, has made no vows to OP. How is she in the wrong? Other than knowing he was married, and that is his lookout, really! Stop calling her a slut; it is deflecting blame away from HIM!

Glad you have told OP. I'm not surprised she is angry. Hope his mum is too.

HappyJanuary - great well balanced post. I completely concur. I have dcs of this age and agree that some of Dd's friends would be ripe for having their heads turned by a 'player' and very upset if it all went 'wrong' (they got dumped) . The response could easily be to tell the wife, thinking they were doing her a favour. Equally, they have friends who are only too aware of their youth and beauty and seem to have just as few morals as the MM they are targeting and would have few qualms in telling the wife if they got dumped, purely to seek revenge on ex lover and no thought for the feelings of the wife and dcs . Engaging with either 'type' only fuels the drama. I would advise against it.

I really feel for you OP. I had a year long affair with a married man when I was 17, in all honesty I knew what I was doing but didn't actually care at that age. Now I am in my 40s with my own DC's, I deeply regret the pain I caused his wife.

So IMO she is probably not as innocent as pp suggest, though ultimately, he was the the one in a marriage so the blame lies with him, as in any affair, whether she is 17 or 70, she didn't betray you, HE did. You will be ok without him. Good luck op

Wipe the bloody floor with him OP!!! I know it doesn't help you right now but that girl has done you a huge favour.
Kick his sorry ass out!

This thread makes me sad.
I was 17/18 when I had an affair with a married man. They had kids.
I didn't care, I was so young. I almost ruined a family. They stayed together.
I was so young and so stupid and I imagine she is the same and will feel the same sad guilt that I do years and years later.

Your DH is shameful and doesn't deserve you or your lovely kids.

for you, OP.