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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found out partner has been cheating

261 replies

Standingonmytippytoes · 02/08/2016 18:23

That's it really. We've been together 10 years. The girl in question came around an hour ago to inform me. Apparently according to him because he ended things with her.
I had a long post but I lost it and I say girl because she was 17. Partner is 33.

OP posts:
Original poster
Standingonmytippytoes · 02/08/2016 19:54

Facebook. I had no intention of replying but I needed to know if she was in my bed I haven't replied since.

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 02/08/2016 19:56

Don't lower yourself Op . This isn't some teenage drama in one of her comic books .

Amythest001 · 02/08/2016 20:05

What an utter scumbag...hugs to You and your children x

Amythest001 · 02/08/2016 20:09

What an utter scumbag...hugs to You and your children x

Angeladelight · 02/08/2016 20:11

I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. The girl doesn't know what she's doing, she's probably craving the drama and probably doesn't know better. No excusing her behaviour (or your dp's) but you mustn't rise to it, it'll only hurt you in the end.

Do you have close family or friends who may be able to support you with dc at the moment?

BifsWif · 02/08/2016 20:17

Do you have and support in RL? Anyone you could call? Don't keep his secret for him.

In your bed while the DC were there. I could never, ever forgive that. I'm sorry you're going through this Flowers

Doublemint · 02/08/2016 20:20

Also I'd get a new bed with his credit card.

Scum scum scum.

Has he left now? Sending you Flowers and Wine

Original poster
Standingonmytippytoes · 02/08/2016 22:03

He's still here sleeping on the sofa. I honestly don't know what to do. One minute I feel like just drawing a line in the sand and moving on with our lives. We've been together since I was 16 I'm really struggling to see what the dcs and my life would be like without him.

On the other hand I'll never trust him again.

OP posts:
DoinItFine · 02/08/2016 22:07

Why would your relationship ending mean his children woukd have to do without him?

He's been shagging a minor in your bed while your children are in the house.

Come on, that's not really something to try to get past.

AnyFucker · 02/08/2016 22:08

well, you are not 16 any more

so he had to find a replacement, I guess

seriously ? Your life and that of your children would be infinitely better than having the kind of bloke that shags 17yo's underfoot.

BastardGoDarkly · 02/08/2016 22:08

Standing first and foremost you need to think.

Tell him to fuck off, and let you process this, the utter fucking bastard.

Flowers
Original poster
Standingonmytippytoes · 02/08/2016 22:14

It's just because the dcs are such hard work the thought of having no body to give a helping hand terrifies me. Everything is a fight with ds.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 02/08/2016 22:15

doin not wishing to derail but 17 is not a minor.

WHile she is young and clearly thriving on the drama (one hopes that when she is older she feels ashamed of how she is behaving not), she is not underage.

Bogeyface · 02/08/2016 22:15

now*

normastits5 · 02/08/2016 22:16

So sorry you have to go through this. Try to make him leave so that you can have space to process this. Take one day at a time and don't think too far ahead . Be kind to yourself and ask friends & family to rally round & support you through this. But you must make him leave for now at least otherwise he will lose all respect for you. Irony not lost on you I'm sure as he is the only one who deserves apsolutely no respect from you at all . Good luck & be strong

AnyFucker · 02/08/2016 22:20

get some hands on help with the dcs from friends and family

this bloke is not your friend...he will damage you

and that is no good at all for your kids

BarbaraRoberts · 02/08/2016 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoinItFine · 02/08/2016 22:30

She's under 18.

She can't vote.

Or buy alcohol.

She's a minor.

Only a creepy fucker of his age wouod be anywhere near her.

As the OP says, she's a girl.

christmaswreaths · 02/08/2016 22:43

I agree she is incredibly young and impressionable. I don't believe for a second she turned up at his work demanding sex like he claims. He probably groomed her for ages.

So sorry you are in this situation, I hope you find the strength to kick him out xx

Leefr200 · 02/08/2016 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ayeokthen · 02/08/2016 22:53

Grooming? Do me a favour, she knew exactly what she was doing! Not defending him in the slightest, he's the one who cheated and devastated OP, but throwing around words like grooming is ridiculous. Children are groomed, not people over the age of consent.

Bogeyface · 02/08/2016 22:57

At 17 she is not a minor when it comes to sexual consent.

The man is an utter cunt for what he did, both to the OP and to what is clearly a young woman who has no real understanding of what she has done. But he is not grooming an underage child.

Things are bad enough for the OP, accusing her husband of grooming an underage child is not right or in any way helpful.

christmaswreaths · 02/08/2016 22:58

Really we must live in a parallel universe then. A 17 year old is not allowed to drink, cannot vote, is barely over the age of consent and you calling her slut. The man is nearly double her age. I hope you don't have a daughter..

AnyFucker · 02/08/2016 22:58

leef don't you sound a fucking delight ?

How come on every thread like this there are some pondscum who find a way to blame the predatory females and let the cheating dick-led blokes off the hook ?

Incomprehensible...

ayeokthen · 02/08/2016 23:02

A 17 year old can join the army, get married and leave home. She is equally responsible for what has happened, she's not a victim. OP is the person I feel for, not the two scumbags who did this to her in the first place. For the record I do have a daughter, and I shall be making sure she has more respect for herself and other people than to be behaving like this at any point in her life!

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