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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Help! Boyfriend advice!!

146 replies

chelsm93 · 02/08/2016 13:39

Ok, so I've recently started seeing someone new. We were having a chat the other night and he asked me to be honest with him about a few things from my past. I went on a girls holiday a few years ago (way before I met him) and I had sex with a few people. I was young and stupid... I recently came out of a relationship and lost my way a little bit. He caused a big argument about how many people I've slept with and about what I did on holiday. I understand it probably wasn't nice to know what I did but in my eyes the past is the past. On the night of the argument we seemed ok again and then ended up having sex. He went home and then told me he was still upset about what he found out!!! 3 days on he's STILL going on about it. I've apologised for upsetting him and explained I wouldn't even think about doing anything like that again I was young. I just don't know what else I'm meant to do!!! I've told him if he doesn't want to be with me that's fine just stop dragging it on. I've told him how I feel and that I want to be with him but I can't make him. On the same night I asked him to hold my daughter (not his baby) and he made a comment saying he's not a babysitter which upset me but I didn't say anything about it :/

OP posts:

Report

whattodowiththepoo · 03/08/2016 05:37

It doesn't matter if you have been the centre of a gangbang with 10 football teams, it's none of his business.
If he only wants to date virgins help him out and dump him.

Pearlman · 03/08/2016 05:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newnew35 · 03/08/2016 05:59

Fair point, Pearl.

princessmi12 · 03/08/2016 09:55

I'm not a saint but I don't sleep around either. Actually on my way to the airport now,going on holiday. I think I might be tempted to have fun with strangers :)NOT

ayeokthen · 03/08/2016 10:14

Pearlman took the words out of my mouth! No I wouldn't be jumping for joy if one of my kids had multiple sexual partners, but I wouldn't call them a slut or a slag or tell them they were being slutty. I'd worry about the emotional implications of it, not think they were disgusting.

glitterwhip · 03/08/2016 10:41

I'm astounded at the level of judginess..is that a word?
The op didn't come here for a lesson on morality ..it's none of our business

pinkyredrose · 03/08/2016 10:43

princess why don't you just stop what you're doing ok? Just stop. You're not helping.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 10:50

princess gets her kicks from dropping her little poison darts all over MN

Gotta feel sorry for an inadequate like that. There is something missing in her life, I think

0dfod · 03/08/2016 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

adora1 · 03/08/2016 11:24

Princess is getting it tight lol, tbh, if my daughter told me she has slept with 3 strangers on holiday in a week (if I am reading write), I'd be concerned about her well being, don't get me wrong, I love sex, sex is great but we do ALL judge these types of situations and all have different opinions, nobody is right or wrong.

Regardless, the OP fessing up to this has done her a favour as it has shown what a bloody hypocritical git he is.

RubbishMantra · 03/08/2016 11:38

"I think I might be tempted to have fun with strangers"

I doubt they'll have a lot of fun with you though, I think you should win an award for being the least fun person on MN, with your judgy, snipey comments.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 12:17

Od

AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 12:18

I thought I held that particular crown, RM. Seems I have a usurper in the midst...

RestlessTraveller · 03/08/2016 12:42

This man does not like women. Run for the hills.

saleorbouy · 03/08/2016 12:46

He asked you to be honest, and you were. If he didn't want to hear the answers to questions of your past then he shouldn't have asked. He should respect the fact that you were truthful. As you say the past
is the past... The future is up to you both. If he can't so past it soon.... move on.

JessicaEccles · 03/08/2016 13:19

Why do men prefer virgins? Because they can't stand criticism...

TBH I would never have told my mother if I had had sex with several men in one day- it's none of her business, if I'm adult enough to do that I'm adult enough to keep it to myself. But who knows - even those innocent looking grandmothers musing sleepily may have been right little ravers back in the day. You can't tell by looking at someone..

RubbishMantra · 03/08/2016 15:02

Ah, but she's a princess, so has no need for a crown, AF, she'll have her own, that has sat on many heads (second hand - not "classy" unless she had one made for herself

TBH, I'm not sure that "Princess" doesn't have hairy hands.

RubbishMantra · 03/08/2016 15:07

Last remark NOT aimed at you chelms!

chelsm93 · 03/08/2016 15:09

Princess... I never said you had to copy my behaviour and sleep with several men on holiday. I also never said you needed to do that to have fun on holiday!

As others have said, I'd be disappointed if my daughter did it but I would never brand her a slut or slag. At the time of going on a girls holiday she is old enough to make her choices and if she chooses to sleep with more than one person then so be it.

Nowadays it's more "normal" to have had more than one sexual partner and thinking about it I don't know anyone who has only slept with one person.

At the time I slept with those men I was younger and single so I didn't see the problem at the time. If I wasn't single my behaviour on holiday would have been completely different.

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 03/08/2016 15:15

Chels, you don't need to justify yourself to Princess or anyone else. I did stuff when I was younger and single that there's no way I'd do now! I don't know many people who didn't. Being all smug about "not being promiscuous" and "waiting until we were in a relationship" doesn't make her any less promiscuous, for all we know she's had 30 relationships!!!! Fact is, who any of us does or doesn't have sex with is none of anyone's business unless it's someone else's partner (really shit!) or illegal!

RubbishMantra · 03/08/2016 15:36

Oh, and princess, I find the remarks about wimmin swearing you made, in reference to Cabrinha's post highly offensive.

When I rang my father to tell him about my husband's death, and swore a lot, instead of offering condolences, he had a go at my "bad language", ladies shouldn't swear, apparently. I'm not a lady, I'm a Woman. Even though when out of the earshot of my mother, we'd swear like navvies together.

Sorry for shuffling off topic Chelms, but it's a relevant example of how some men see their behaviour as fine and dandy, yet berate women for behaving in an equal fashion.

The parents spent their years in a loveless marriage, none of us siblings have a relationship with them now. Don't engage with a man who will treat you that way chelms. It will have far reaching consequences.

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