Help! Boyfriend advice!!

[chelsm93]

Ok, so I've recently started seeing someone new. We were having a chat the other night and he asked me to be honest with him about a few things from my past. I went on a girls holiday a few years ago (way before I met him) and I had sex with a few people. I was young and stupid... I recently came out of a relationship and lost my way a little bit. He caused a big argument about how many people I've slept with and about what I did on holiday. I understand it probably wasn't nice to know what I did but in my eyes the past is the past. On the night of the argument we seemed ok again and then ended up having sex. He went home and then told me he was still upset about what he found out!!! 3 days on he's STILL going on about it. I've apologised for upsetting him and explained I wouldn't even think about doing anything like that again I was young. I just don't know what else I'm meant to do!!! I've told him if he doesn't want to be with me that's fine just stop dragging it on. I've told him how I feel and that I want to be with him but I can't make him. On the same night I asked him to hold my daughter (not his baby) and he made a comment saying he's not a babysitter which upset me but I didn't say anything about it :/

[BeMorePanda]

Guys who call women slags aren't "nice". Misogynists aren't "lovely".
He's giving you big clues as to how he really views women.
Proceed with this tosser at your peril op.

Also you have nothing whatsoever to apologise for.

[Cabrinha]

Thank you for your observation "Princess".

Funnily enough, my interest in whether you think I have any class is... zero.

And that's even without considering that your definition of lacking in class includes selling things second hand.

I've done that, btw

[RepentAtLeisure]

He's a misogynist knobhead. it's none of his business what you did with your body before you met him. And he was happy enough to have sex with you before going home to nurse his delicate feelings. Ugh.

Dump him, because his type will not get past this. You could go ten years down the road, marriage and kids, and he will still throw your past at you when you argue.

Would not touch a man with bargepole if knew he has done this. This isn't about you. And I would bet that not only would the twat in question be impressed with any (male) friends who did that, he would love to himself. Generally, the more scandalized a man is by a woman who slept around, the more accepting of it he is by his own sex.

[ayeokthen]

Princess what hope does this thread have in trying to empower OP to realise that she deserves better than to be referred to as a slag, if women (you!) are going to refer to her as slutty??? Fucking hell love, it's bad enough men being cunts to women, without women helping them!

[chelsm93]

To be honest, this post wasn't to decide if my actions were slutty or not, it was to decide who was in the wrong for being upset! I couldn't care less if a stranger thinks I'm a slut for something I did several years ago. I don't think my actions were slutty at all. I regret what I did because it's now coming back to haunt me in later life. I had fun at the time

[User543212345]

chels it's only "haunting" you because of the dickhead boyfriend. Anyone who is worth anything won't care about how many peopl you've slept with before you get together with them - the only number that should count for them is how many you sleep with whilst with them.

[LilacInn]

Anyone who wants to poke and pry into the past is a non-starter for me, in the first place. What's the point? I have zero interest in my lovers' past and have swiftly binned any potential boyfriend who started with annoying questions about things that are none of his business. It's such a sign of insecurity.

Second, "slag," really? And this is at the start of the relationship when he is trying to woo you? And comments about your appearance and 'effort' ? God, get rid of him ASAP. Surely you can do better.

[chelsm93]

Just a little update for anyone interested I spoke to him and told him that I won't put up with that kind of behaviour and told him I want better for me and Amber (my daughter) and he's currently begging for me back.

[ayeokthen]

Chels, I hope you and she get what you've told him you deserve. You and she are worth more than being treated the way he has being.

[ayeokthen]

Been not being!

[ElspethFlashman]

Surely you're not even thinking about it???

Christ, you can do better.

[ilovewelshrarebit123]

Big red flag is waving in your face, he's a controlling dick, get rid!

[TempusEedjit]

Good for you! Don't take him back whatever you do. He's still the same man under the begging and pleading.

[LilacInn]

The begging and pleading is just another form of control. Don't let him manipulate you. Real men don't judge you on your past and they discuss, they don't snark and then whine at the consequences.

[Amythest001]

Good for you...block him and don't let him take up anymore of your time or energy x

[chelsm93]

I have 5 missed calls and I don't know how many text messages at the moment lol I'm sure he will give up soon!!! Don't worry I'm not considering it! X

[Amythest001]

Tell him you will have him done for harassment...he is really showing his true colours now!
You've had a very lucky escape x

[chelsm93]

For someone who said he wouldn't "chase" me if this situation happened he's doing a bit of chasing!!

[Amythest001]

He sounds so like my ex!
Has he told you you're lucky to be with him and most girls would love to be in your position??

[Goingtobeawesome]

You might want to ask for your DDs name to be removed if you're worried about being outed by anyone dickhead ex

[chelsm93]

Amythest001 close enough... He's told me how many girls he stopped speaking to for me!

[Newnew35]

Good for you, OP. No need to have regrets. Just out of genuine interest, though, I'm wondering what would constitute 'slutty' behaviour? For instance, if the OP had had sex with three men at the same time (foursome), as opposed to three within a week? Or is the whole concept of 'slutty' behaviour now a thing of the past?

[Amythest001]

Urghhhh...I split up with him about 12 years ago and from what I hear he is still single being dumped from girl to girl as they realise what he is like!
You and you daughter don't need that X

[chelsm93]

I don't really think any behaviour is "slutty" as such... We are all individuals and free to make our own choices. If someone finds its fun to have sex with 4 people at once, go for it.

[User543212345]

I think "slutty behaviour" is very much a thing of the past. It was used to describe women who had more sex than the misogynist who was labelling her thought appropriate, and is therefore very subjective as an insult. Frankly insulting someone over their choice of behaviour - which only affects themselves - is very damaging. It's interesting that when it was used to describe men it was always with the precursor "male" - male slut, male slag etc - thus ensuring that the insult slut/slag refers only to women.

If someone chooses to shag all the people on the planet that is up to them, and they certainly shouldn't be shamed for it. Particularly if the shaming is directed at one sex and not the other (who would probably be congratulated).