Sex Survey

[Nothorny]

I'll try to put this in a nutshell. DH is worried that everyone else out there is having loads of sex after having had a baby and that we are "abnormal". DS is six months old, first child. I know all the reasons as to why we are not having sex and am confident we shall pick up again soon, once the breast feeding has stopped, we get more people to help us and therefore have more time, are less tired, etc etc you know the score.

ANYWAY, could you lot please just let my poor old dh know when you started having sex again and how often (roughly!)say for the first year. I am sure we are not alone in our sexual desert but it would reassure dh greatly if he heard it from all your horses' mouths. Thank you so much. Of course, all you amazing people who bonk five times a week and have done since a week after the birth, do let us know too. Thanks. Oh I've used a different pseudonym BTW.

I've not posted here before but couldn't resist this thread...

1. Sex After DS1 (10lb baby, episiotomy, 3rd degree tear, stitched from here to eternity, b/f for 12 months) I think we had sex about 5 months after the birth (painful, breasts leaked, not repeated for at least 2 months...) and then less than once a month until trying to conceive #2 when it upped to once a day.

Unfortunately I put my back out quite severely when 2 months pregnant and we ended up not having sex until DS2 (8lb 4 oz, episiotomy, small tear, not so many stitches) was, ooh... 10 months old. It's not picked up at all yet!! I've just stopped feeding him (15mths old) so I'm waiting patiently for the horny hormones to kick back in.

2. "Babysitting"
   DH calls it babysitting to wind me up. I insist he's Parenting. I also insist that whilst he's "parenting" he stays sober enough to drive in case of emergency

3. Racism
   And to think the powers that be would like us all to be European... lol

My dh says that he is entitled to be a bit drunk whilst 'babysitting' as he would phone an ambulance in case of emergency. We both call it babysitting, when I am out with friends I always tell them dh is babysitting. I don't find it offensive in the slightest!

Sex - what's that then?

SoupDragon

All I can say is OUCH, and that I think you were very brave to have tried it that early.

Rhubarb

Sex is that frantic bit of fun you have just before 9 months of pregnancy hell. If you are lucky you get it more than once.

I'm a sahm so when DH is out for the night, I insist I'm "working late"

I don't find the phrase "babysitting" offensive, I just associate it with looking after someone else's children. Maybe when dh does it I should call it "spending quality time with your children" lol

Our DHs will be requesting payment next for their childcare services. I'm not allowed out unless DH gets his dial a curry and new DVD to watch. It doesn't work the other way round but personally I'm just glad of an opportunity to watch what I want on TV and have a natter on mumsnet whenever he goes out.

You mean we are supposed to get a take-away curry and a new DVD?

I've been missing out on this.

Sorry girls, I've done it now haven't I? Perhaps I am too soft on my DH. I think I ought to get a part time job and make him do take responsibility on a regular basis - but then the kids wouldn't get fed and the house would be a tip for me to come home to - is it worth it?

Anyway SimonHoward are you a SAHD or do you work shifts. Maybe you are a spy in the camp checking what us mothers do when we are out of the sight of DH!

PamT

Unfortunately I do a shift job as my main job and I also do a part time job as well.

And as for looking after the little ones, I do that 2-3 times a week when my wife goes out to work so I doubt she could afford 3 take-away curries and 3 DVD's a week.

SimonHoward, you do work hard, I'll have to tell my DH about you, he thinks he's badly done to because he goes out to work whilst I stay at home and put my feet up (he forgets about the 3 kids, housework, shopping, cooking etc plus my own business from home - but I don't tell him about the mumsnet addiction!)

I worked all day one saturday and came home at tea time to start cleaning up the breakfast dishes, the lunch things (still on the table) and then had to start feeding the kids - he hasn't got a clue. Meanwhile, he's having a lie down on the sofa, exhausted after a hard day looking after the kids! Then he wonders why I go to bed with the sole intention of going to sleep.

Anyway, I might have known that a man would have to take an interest in the sex survey !

Ladies

Thank you once again for the words of guidance that you gave me earlier this year.

They have finally paid off and DW and I are starting the practice for Baby No2 (for which I have been given a stay of execution till next summer).

Glad to hear that things are going well Simon Howard. How are things on the the job front?

Typical man, can't think of anything but sex

Oh PamT are you up for a bit of flirtatious banter with Simon Howard again?!

No, just thought I'd do some stirring

I've fallen out with him since he called me mature.

Bozza

I have started a new job doing security work but it isn't the most brain taxing of jobs and the pay is barely above what I need to pay the bills without there being any spare money or even spending money for me.

So I'm still looking for a better job.

PamT

I would have thought that you'd have taken that as a complement.

A mature woman is one that men would still find desirable as opposed to an old woman.

Its no good, you can't get round me that easily. Anyway, since my birthday I FEEL like an old woman

Seven months since birth of dd and counting. Terrible labour, so lots of pain, stitches, fear etc. Tried at about six weeks (my idea) WRONG THING TO DO! but wanted to before check-up. Now I'm too tired/ he's too tired/ dd wakes up/ I'm too afraid /he touches me in wrong way/he's afraid of hurting me/etc etc etc etc etc..............................................

sorry, didn't read the date on this thread, probably not even relevant anymore

Music

It is always relevant.

All I can say is that if you wait it will happen, just make sure that he knows why things aren't happening now if he is a bit stressed about it.

PamT

I was always told you are only as old at the person you are feeling so in that case I would prescribe a course of 20-24 year olds. One to be taken whenever you start thinking you are old.

Seriously though nowadays women and men are still more active in all areas a lot longer and what would have been considered a middle age or older person (especially a woman) 20-30 years ago is still looked on as being at an age where they can still be vibrant and sexy today.

I regularly see women that I know to have children in their 20's or even 30's that could pass for being in their mid to late 30's themselves (and that is almost as scary as these teenage girls that look older than they are).

I think more women should look on being mature as being the next step up from looking young and sexy and not as a step down. I know a lot of men do.