Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

Oh ma I bet you wanted the ground to swallow you up! I'm sure everyone went silent because they felt for you, having done similar themselves in the past! But well done on staying strong

We had a fantastic holiday- very lucky with the weather and had a great time. Seeing friends and family in Aberdeen was weird, found out a relative is quite poorly which I didn't know about and can't do much about living so far away. And general changes, and people getting older, or divorced, or moving house. I had the strangest feeling as we were leaving that I would never go back again, very maudlin

Back to work, and nothing has changed, still feels like we're banging our heads against a wall, the usual work situation.

Didn't really drink while away, didn't even want to; first day back and I was already thinking about it on the way home from work. Bought wine, but left it in the car.

Only just got home, knackered and fed up. Still sober but not at all happy about it.

Been really fuzzy headed all day, kept putting stuff down and forgetting where I'd put it etc. Got totally flustered during my teaching and ended up feeling like a total fraud that can't even work a sodding computer. Plus, having carefully packed up a handbag last night I picked up a totally empty one this morning so I've been without phone, purse, make up etc all day. And predictably got called in to sign my two sick forms and have triggered an OH meeting...not a clue what to say to them. I'm guessing "it was my brothers anniversary so I decided to spend a week drinking myself into oblivion" won't go down too well.

Well done ma and crotchet, it's helped a lot feeling like we are doing this together in a sense. And ma oops!! (That did make me laugh though, totally the sort of thing I end up saying)

lala you're not going anywhere!!!

Hi to everyone else too. Going to finish my becks blue (tastes like shit, not sure why im drinking it) and go to bed. Sorry for the little rant there. Night all

Just drunk a bottle ...after having a bottle of red last night and waking up rough as ... That was it I was NOT drinking again until the weekend! And got as far as 7pm
Last week I did three AF days with tonic water in a wine glass and a good book and trying to teach myself guitar ....then I lose it all
Start again tomorrow? Not sure I have the willpower..why can't a cup of tea hit the spot the same as a large glass of cold pinot !?

Could have written that myself pombear and probably have over the years, apart from the guitar bit. 3 days last week is 3 days in the bank so well done. Yes, start again tomorrow...and tomorrow....and tomorrow. Unfortunately there is no other way.

pombear I could also of written that. Some weeks I seem so much more able to do it than others, but we just have to keep starting over.

I feel hungover which is not fair at all!!! Day 7 today

Morning pombear, ma and elba and anyone else here.

Have to keep starting over pombear, I've done it many many times over the years but never got this far, day 6 for me today. I feel a bit hungover today too elba, definitely not fair at all!!

elba have you got a bit of a game plan for your OH meeting? I suggest something a bit vague, "generally unwell, D & V, sore throat, slight rash, vague joint pains, probably viral", then you can say it got better, you went back to work then symptoms returned! Job done 😁

Me too pombear that used to be my almost daily cycle. You can change it, just keep trying and one day things will just 'click' and you will realise that it's not that hard to go a few hours without a drink, you just have to really want to x

Well done ma, I'm seeing a bit of the old fighting spirit return to you. You've had so much to deal with I think it just all ground you down but here you are rising again, like a phoenix

Well done Crochet too and anyone else powering through. Elba those symptoms are probably just the last effects of alcohol leaving your body. Embrace them, kiss them goodbye and slam the door after them. Gone forever (or at least for today). One day at a time, my lovely, one day at a time.

I loved your post on the mini brave babes thread. I think it's a great place to store those memories and return to them when you feel a wobble coming on. Great idea for that thread, thanks

I spent the weekend with family who seem to feel the need to 'impress' me with how fantastic they are, how they've been everywhere and done everything and are so happy and amazing and wonderful

I just did the nod and smile routine until I could get the hell out of there

I have decided to not really bother with them any more and let them slip gently out of my life. This will be easy because, despite complaining about being left out of things, they never call or arrange to meet up, it's always me so maybe they're happy to let it drift too

Have a great day babes. I will probably check in later to see how you are when the ww comes a-calling. Have a plan in place, be ready to ambush her hairy arse x

So day 7 is essentially done for me: going to bed, minus a lunch time glass of wine, before yet another bloody night shift. Not feeling great physically, still very wooly headed and not with it at all. Actually felt better a few days ago. But I will plough on with it...tomorrow morning will be the challenge.

I'm literally noticing alcohol everywhere, on the tv, Facebook, shops etc. Keep thinking about if/what/when/under what circumstances I can drink again. But for now I know its not just the one glass that I want, so there's the answer. For now. I think little goals are the way foward; I've got to 7 days, so now aiming for 10.

Faire that weekend sounds very draining! Im sure you're right about the physical symptoms, just would be nice to wake up and feel amazing so my effort feels worth it!

crotchet I will think up a game plan. It's annoying as I only went back for a day, if I'd stayed off it wouldn't be an issue! Will be thinking of you tonight...just think you are only a day of doing a week af!

ma how are you doing? Are you going for a day 4?

lala please check in...don't you dare dissapear! Xx

joey glad you had a good holiday, but that back to reality post holiday feeling is horrible isn't it?

Oh and just updated my app...am I allowed to feel a tiny bit smug?

And a picture of 'my' beach this morning, just to make you all jealous!

elba you should be VERY smug, and your beach is lovely. Bet there's loads of seaglass.

I was planning to go for day 4 but got yet another funding set back to day so naturally my thoughts turn to a glass/bottle of wine for consolation. Apparently my bid for a part-time worker to support Veterans in care to start up their own businesses didn't meet the funding theme of addressing "loss, isolation and lonliness". This despite letters of commendation and testimonials by several support organisations saying what a difference this work makes to the guys confidence and self-esteem, and transition.
I give up.

Noooo ma don't give up. You're a phoenix I tell you, a phoenix no less!

Are you looking for an excuse to drink? Can you just try to get through one more day? You won't regret it

Btw, what are you going to do with all the lovely sea glass? Do you have an art project in mind?

Afternoon babes. Just a quick one to say hi.

elba and crochet, massive well done. Seriously, you are both on a roll, keep up the good work. And elba, I bloody love your beach. When can I visit? (Obviously an unfunny joke there).

ma I am really cross on your behalf. How on earth can they refuse funding for such a good cause? Utterly ridiculous and sometimes I do despair at the madness of the world. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, try and stay positive and stay away from the evil wine, says she.

faire you give such positive and inspiring advice, keep it coming.

No real news here, except that I was supposed to meet a friend for a picnic but pup was throwing up I was hungover so ended up cancelling. Spent the day in the garden with a book. About to attempt a ride this afternoon, although think I slept funny as my shoulder and neck are agony, and seeing as it is hard to actually turn my entire left side, that should keep things interesting...

Worried about going away this weekend, literally cannot remember the last time I was AF and not hungover silly, silly me.

Where are all the other babes?

Thanks. I would like to be a Phoenix,but every time I try to rise I fail. I have failed tonight. So very sorry babes. Just disillusioned and disheartened and as faire says, looking for a reason. I get paid tomorrow so will stock up on the tonic again and go for another three in a row. I hate that I have the knowledge and contacts and ability to help these men through my actual job( my Veterans stuff is kind of a sideline!),but I can't do it without help. I need such a small amount of funding to make a very big difference. No waffle, or empty words but actual help. Seeing the man I met yesterday being offered a work placement in a good business where he may well end up with an actual job, seeing his eyes light up at the phrase " you'll be part of the team" which he so desperately needs,and seeing him stand proud ( if wobbly) on his new prosthetic legs so happy to have a chance to be working again..... All I do is make the connection which I am in a position to do, but it makes a difference. I want to make a difference.

Love the app and the beach elba, of course you're allowed to be a bit smug 😇. Hope you had a good sleep.
Here's my beach ...

So sorry about the funding set back ma, you must be gutted. Try to resist the wine witch though, you've done brilliantly so far

lala hi. Hope you managed your ride despite shoulder and neck problems. How's the pesto eating pup?

faire that's fantastic positivity, thanks

So I've done (nearly) day 6, day 7 here I come. Drinking elderflower cordial and sparkling water with ice, in a large wine glass. It seems to be working.

Wonderful beach crochet. Where is it?

Lincolnshire ma, the beach is about 2 miles from home.

Sat here with a tonic water ..had to go to the shop for looroll (glamorous life I was sooo tempted by those glistening bottles of wine in the fridge!) ....staying up for a bit longer as the dog is watching TV and the cat has only just sat on my lap. ..
Might try elderflower cordial
That beach is gorgeous ...and I might need an app !
Off camping for the bank holiday ..its normally a beer thing not sure I'll be able to Tonic Water it out !

Morning Babes!
Hope everyone's ok.
Day 7 for me today, I'm doing ok so far (although not being complacent) but OH is not liking me not drinking, although he knows that the incentive at the start was to lower my very high BP. He keeps offering me wine, and making snide little remarks like "when you stop this health kick and start drinking again...." I read somewhere that this can make or break a relationship, I think that maybe we have been drinking partners rather than life partners for the past 16 years. Will have to see what happens. I'm doing this for ME not for US.
Anyway, off out today to meet a friend who I haven't seen for 15 years - hope we recognise each other!

Have a good day all.

Morning all,

Day 8 done (working again tonight) by the absolute skin of my teeth. Randomly had the most intense cravings from around 3am, and was planning to drive home via the supermarket to buy wine (plus chocolates, gift bag and card to make it look like I'm buying a present as I've done many times before ). Sort of talked myself out of it, but thoughts of drinking opportunities in the coming days are creeping back in. Not sure anymore what I'm trying to achieve, the idea of never drinking doesn't feel realistic or appealing. But I don't want to drink either...so I'm just confusing myself, obsessing and going round and round in circles I'd like to not want to drink I guess...

Sorry not to name check- going to try and sleep before it gets too hot....daytime sleeping in a heatwave is not fun!

Elba you have done so incredibly well. Trouble is that now you feel better from last weeks blow out the temptation creeps back. Maybe read back through your old posts to remind you & maybe give you motivation. A week is an incredible achievement - and you can do more! Very soon you will start to see & feel the benefits but in the meantime keep finding the strength to fight off the cravings. It's really tough but you strike me as a really strong person. I'm sure you can & everyone here is willing you on! We will keep holding your hand xxxx
Hello everyone else, wishing you all a happy & productive day!

Elba over time, those thoughts go away. If you keep going you will suddenly realise that you haven't thought about alcohol for a whole morning. Then it just gets better and better.

I honestly promise you that you will not regret not drinking today. Don't think about tomorrow or even later on, just concentrate on getting through the day. Distract, distract, distract. I promise you, it does get easier x

elba I am ashamed to say that I have done the buying wine with a card and chocolates more times than I care to remember the things we bloody do eh? Not to mention the money we waste. Except that you are well on the way to having to stop the exhausting constant pretence and effort that it takes to be so 'devious' in our heads we are being clever, but I reckon nine times out of ten, people know the truth, which makes it even sadder in a way. Keep going, you are amazing.

crochet another gorgeous beach! I am very jealous. And you are doing fabulously well as well, make sure you keep it up. Sounds tricky with mr crochet... Obviously I don't know either of you from Adam, but could it be that he is secretly worried about his own drinking, and you being so determined and strong willed is making him have a panic? Just a thought. Had a great ride thanks, horse is back in action!!! That was a nice surprise, and she was an angel again last night, didn't put a dainty hoof wrong. Fingers crossed she stays sound for the near future. Bit of a scary one though, one of the girls had a bad fall out in the field, horse fell on her. Luckily she is ok, but it still scares the hell out of me when stuff like that happens.

ma don't be disillusioned. You have done it before and you will do it again. You have had a really hard time of it lately by the sounds of it, and it is sadly sort of inevitable that that is when us lot struggle the most and succumb to the evil alcohol. Sending You and .

pom enjoy the camping, don't know if maybe it's worth just trying to drink moderately, and starting afresh when you get back? Sorry, I know that's not in the spirit of this thread, but that is what I would do because I am weak willed and pathetic, so don't listen to me.

Hi summer and faire, how are you both doing?

The pesto pilferer aka pup is sulking because I won't take her for a walk in the 28 degree heat. However she has a friend coming round in a bit for a play in the garden, in the shape of my friend, her dog and baby, so I get to steal lots of cuddles. There also happens to be a rather yummy looking banoffi pie in the fridge, that we may or may not eat, although I am not sure ML would take that well when he gets home after a twelve hour working day...

Hope all are ok, and enjoying the sunshine. Bloody hell this is a long post, sorry!

crotchet hope you've had a good day with your friend and are feeling ready to tackle day 7. You not drinking has probably made mr c acutely aware of his own drinking; it's so much easier to jusitfy it if someone else is drinking the same as you. It must be hard though with him offering you wine, shows how strong and resolute you are for resisting!

Faire your right...I dont at all regret not drinking this morning! Not least because I've realised if I don't spend 2-3 hours drinking I can get a full 8 hours in bed between shifts! And having been sleeping in a sauna essentially all day I would be feeling awful now.

summer how are you doing? I agree that last weeks hangover from hell feels a long time ago. I always cringe reading back what I've written but I will make myself spend some time going back over old posts when the cravings hit next time.

lala hope you've enjoyed the baby cuddles! And the bannoffee pie . Hope your doing ok this evening.

I'm so so grateful for all the support and hand holding...I would of thought this impossible a few months ago, and it's all thanks to you lot. This time last week I was so unbelievably hungover, and stuck in bed until about 5pm Thursday feeling like I'd collapse just going to get water...just need to keep reminding myself how awful that felt!

Must get ready for work now, hope everyone's ok. Will check back in the morning xxxxx

I've just found a (full) can of lager...tucked away in the back of my sock drawer fuck knows why/when/what state I was in when I put it there?!!