Anyone up? DH is leaving me follow up thread. Onit's on it!!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Link to my last thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me?msgid=62446916

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I will set a trap or 2 though by the door so I'll know if he's been in.
I'm not paranoid at all. Oh no

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

Well not for much longer hopefully.when you move your new house will have nothing to do with him which is great!
My exh has been around tonight to say that actually he will now agree to what I've asked for financially (after being dead against it and calling me all the names under the sun for weeks). He has seen a solicitor who has advised him that what he's getting is actually a very good deal and I'm not in fact unfairly bleeding him dry or making outrageous demands.I will admit to feeling quite amused at the thought of his face on finding that out. No apology mind.Small victories (to be cautiously optimistic). Here's to similar for you going forwards onit!

[mix56]

Don't trust him. If there are any documents, ANY-thing, please remove them from the house while you are away. Lay a trap, at least that way you can prove to yourself just how untrustworthy he is.
I even say, leave a large note saying,
"I knew you would invade my privacy Tosser"

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I've left something which he will move if he goes in. I've brought all documents, id, paperwork and my laptop and iPad.
I'll be back tomorrow afternoon.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Back home from visiting a friend. No traps sprung so I guess he hasn't been in.
He's coming tonight to take more stuff away.
I've also got no bed to sleep in tonight as I've a guy coming to buy it. His transport better be big enough as I just dragged a superkingsize mattress downstairs on my own and I'm knackered!

[Teezyweezy]

That sounds painful, no bed. When are you moving house?

Hopefully soon.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

He went rifling through my kitchen cupboards. Not sure what he was looking for tbh. He did helpfully suggest I had a lot of stuff and if I was getting rid of it after I move he would take it.
I can't even look him in the face.
I want to bleach his very existence from my brain.

[building2016]

How very helpful of him. What a twat.

Hope you are okay.

[DPotter]

In years gone by when women had no legal rights, couldn't own property etc, the only thing a woman could claim to be her very own were her pots and pans etc, so don't give him anything!

[GipsyDanger]

Hope you are doing well today. Remember to have some &

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

When he was here Friday night I was still being annoying.
I want to be detached.
How do I do that?
I don't want him. I loathe him. But I'm sure he thinks my attitude is because I'm angry at him not loving me. I don't want his pity. I don't want to make it easy for him either though.
He's coming tomorrow to take what hopefully will be the last of the stuff he wants. I don't trust him enough to leave him alone to get on with it but I want to be able to just sit still while he's here. I'm usually pacing the floor.
Help me be more serene and dignified, please.

[janaus]

Good luck with it all. Try to look bored and uninterested while he is there. Pretend to be busy on your phone.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Do you have a friend who could phone you while he's there and you could have a chat with lots of laughter?

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I might see if a friend can come round.
The DC will be with his mum.
Packing has begun too for our move. DVDs and my books are mostly boxed. I've emptied some cupboards. Today I'll be taking some stuff to the dump, consolidating stuff from 2 bathrooms into 1.
It's still 6 weeks till I move but I'm a born procrastinator so I'm forcing myself into doing something.
LCB leaving has definitely stuck a rocket up my arse!

[BustingOut]

Could you do some packing of your own why he is there but obviously in a place where you can watch him like a hawk? That would at least keep your hands busy and keep you focused on how YOU are moving forward.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

busting I was thinking that.
We have a battered old filing cabinet which needs emptied before dumping. I might go through that as I'll be able to chuck a load of ancient payslips and bank statements at him too.

[BustingOut]

Sounds like a good plan onit ! Hope all goes smoothly for you oh and if you found a heavy hardback book in that filing cabinet that you could chuck at him too......

[Clutterbugsmum]

I agree with Bustingout, make him take some of his junk with him, no reason for you to be responsible for removing all the unwanted item/rubbish from your house.

[building2016]

In fact, he kindly offered to take some of excess stuff of her hands. Old payslips, that collection of magazines you never read, the manual to the toaster.... He'd be delighted.

[BustingOut]

Was just browsing mumsnet when i saw someone refer(and link) to this thread onit to someone whose husband was leaving them. I hope that it gives you great comfort to know that you are held in such high esteem and we all see how strong you are and an example of hope to other betrayed wives/partners x

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

That's great busting!
So much great advice on here and so glad others will see it too if they need it.

After the LCB left this afternoon I went to IKEA, bought and paid for a new bed, loaded it into my car and unloaded it. Dragged the boxes and mattress upstairs. Build it and made it. I am now tucked up in the first bed ice ever owned all by myself
He sent me an email about contact again but I'm ignoring it till morning. He has the DC tonight and I'm knackered.
Night all

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

So I'm not asleep
Why does the fucker send me emails at bedtime????
I've spent the last hours? looking at my proposed contact schedule. He's going to go balistic but I don't believe it's in my dcs interests to be having midweek overnighter a during term time. And certainly not in my dd's first term at school.
It means I've basically offered him EOW and one or 2 dinners each week on a 2 week rota.
His proposal had him getting them 5 nights a fortnight which was something like thu and Friday one week and fri/sat/sun the next.
We have half days on Friday here so they'd never get a chance to see their non school friends as their mums want nothing to do with LCB. He'd get 3 day weekends to be Disney daddy and I'd get all the fucking donkey work of homework and rushing them out in the morning
When do they get time with me? Or proper time to settle in their new home? Get to know the neighbours and run around their garden and the park across the road?

It's all about him and his wants. Why is it ok for him to do that but as soon as I suggest something I'm being selfish and putting my needs first?
So what if I am? I want to be selfish about the time I get with my DC. His actions have taken me away from this summertime with my DC while I try to cope with everything he's thrown at me. I have 6 precious months before I go back to work and I don't want to spend it on my own. I had thought I'd be studying and moving into a new family home for all 4 of us, not spending 3 nights a week sitting home alone wondering if my DC are being cared for properly or being introduced to my dh's alcoholic, home wrecking, can't even sort out her own fucking contraception fucking whore!!!!!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I agree euphemia it's just not a conversation I'm relishing. He's going to go batshit. But I just want the kids to feel settled somewhere and that needs to be in our new home. And they won't settle if they're back and forth all the time. Ds especially will suffer as he's so anxious with changes and we had so much trouble last term getting him to school.
Lcb'll gain a lot during school holidays and especially when I go back to work. Which will be my main argument for fewer overnights during term time.
I'll probably have to concede week long contact at least during holidays as he'll be the one who can afford to take them away.

[Clutterbugsmum]

I still think this is less about having the children 3 nights a week and more about paying minimum child support.

Do not give him every weekend, when you go back to work you are just as entitled to have weekends with you children as well.

I would just keep telling him you are not prepared to discuss contact arrangements with him until you children are settled in to their new environment and school routines, and yes maybe not until you are back at work.