Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

NowWhat perhaps you should consider it wasn't anything you said. This guy doesn't sound like he was in for any kind of commitment - a very busy job is a great excuse and all those mentions of not having a girlfriend for very long. He obviously liked you but I wonder if he ever intended it to last for more than a weekend, despite his reference to being free 'next Saturday'. You deserve someone wonderful who won't put you through all this, there are lovely men who don't act this way and you'll find one some day soon I hope. Meanwhile, some good advice from pigeon and others I think to try and ease the pain. I wish you well!

oh yeh, ''i never have a girlfriend for very long" - That does not need Bletchley Park style code-cracking. It means, I never have a girlfriend the for very long is just thrown in to soften its delivery.....
I couldn't find it but Amy Young does a great clip about needing to listen to what men say! and she says she went out with this great guy who said kind conversationally and a propos nothing in particular ''........... you know, none of my relationships ever last longer than 12 weeks'' and she thought, ''til now!!!!!!!!!'' then she said ''have a guess at what point things started to unravel, go on, hazard a guess''.

He has managed to sleep with around 20 people despite never having had a GF for longer than 6 months.

Also the saying he has a low tolerance for arseholes and listing things people did to piss him off. One was a GF having a fish allergy and it wasnt even her fault and he recognised that but still it pissed him off they couldnt eat fish or go to such restaurants.

Oh well. He was nice and funny and good to talk to. He took me to two places for cocktails and for dinner then took me out on the sunday and we had a nice afternoon / early evening. I did enjoy the time we spent together.

I still dont get what happened between meeting him when he toasted our second date to being dropped off a few hours late and him going quiet but never mind. I'm not contacting him.

Is it me, or is there a serious lack of talent on any of the sites at the moment?? There's a hottie drought on.
Tinder, Bumble, I've even reinstated my OK Cupid account....all big fat nada.

Mr Sunday have decided to stay friends, we seem to have lovely long chats on an evening now, he's far more chatty on text. I'm keeping him on the back burner and not ruling him out just yet, I think he may just have been shy or something.

Yup no talent.

And the ones you do get you realise why they're single.

No talent here neither, what do you send as a first message? I'm going to get proactive and stop waiting for the meat to land in my hands but struggling with what to put first!

at meat to land in my hands

Sorry

Minop first message normally a comment on something in their photo or profile.

Bookmarking as I have a feeling I may be making an appearance on here soon pestered me for a date, I went, told me next time he wanted me to stay over at his so he can wine and dine me properly but has then not text for 2 days since lols

Hi Scarf! Glad to see familiar names as I took a break and then came back.
My real life friends couldn't really give a shit either and I could hardly expect them too! As it turns out, I'm really enamoured with number fourteen but I mentioned in passing about 8 or 9 of those 14 so really, my married friends aren't interested as they presume I'll continue to torture myself with another 14 or so before I check in to a psychiatric ward or a convent.

I think you did the right thing to stop seeing Mr Doc as you're and IDWAR. I had to walk away from 'my' IDWAR and it was very hard.... I went through a lot of emotions during the time I didn't contact him but not being in contact at all is the best thing. I'm totally over it now.

Hi all,

I've been a regular poster in the past but I have had to NC for privacy reasons.

So I'm gonna jump right in with a me me me post because, like a previous poster just mentioned shortly ago - I will explode if I don't.

Date 10 on Saturday night - things are going amazingly. Both really like each other, both off OLD. Talked about seeing each other Monday. Mentioned said plans on Monday in an already existing text conversation (so it wasn't like we weren't speaking) and he said he was with his kid, thought plans weren't set in stone - could we do a different night? All fine. No issues I got to watch the love island final ... So cracked a few jokes about him forgetting about our plans. He joins in with the jokes. Suddenly I'm being told I sound 'needy' - not sure if this is a joke anymore so I said 'I hope you are still joking!' ... And since then- nothing!!!! Literally nothing. We get on like a house on fire and we text each other loads so a few hours later post love island final I wondered whether he thought I was trying to kick off so decided to send him a reassuring 'I was joking' message which said 'all this calling me needy then going quiet... You sure know how to make a girl feel needy! Wheres my usual attention???' (We joke like this all the time - otherwise yes, I'd agree that's needy as hell) ... Still nothing. Since last night. I am totally baffled and have no idea what his problem is.

He also has a coat of mine I left in his car. It wasn't cheap. Worst case scenario, I really want it back!!

I am fighting with everything I have not to message him like what the hell? Why should I do the chasing?? But at the same time I'm fed up of sitting here like a lemon waiting to either hear what the problem is or just get ghosted and I genuinely do want my coat back

That sounds weird. Like he's avoidant. (i know i'm obsessed with this now having just discovered it) but to get to ten dates and then tell you you're needy!? huh?

I think you're reply was good! If he's trying to make himself feel better by telling himself 'i ended it cos she was needy' and your very last correspondence to him was a text demonstrating that actually, you're so secure that you presumed he was JOKING, then that is a very dignified exit for you.

I'll leave it ten days and then say ''I need my coat''.

He also has a coat of mine I left in his car. It wasn't cheap. Worst case scenario, I really want it back!!

I've done that before with forgetting stuff. If he ghosts you, ask for your coat back: he can post it or drop it off somewhere convenient.

It is not needy or making an excuse to contact if you want your stuff back.

If there is one thing I have taken from my dating experiences: when a guy went quiet, i always stayed in touch and tried to talk. To the extent I often got told they didnt want to see me anymore.

I always ALWAYS regretted not just going quiet too. I have learned when they ghost, just leave it and i feel better for it this time.

flipflop. Date 10 and he pulls out the needy card? You were obviously not being needy. He dropped plans and you were right to call him on it. I'd have given him an earful for cancelling our plans but you did it in a subtle way, so not needy in the slightest (although nor is having a proper go, because IMO he deserves it for cancelling plans last minute) . No, this was not about neediness this was about him getting cold feet, and finding any excuse, although the dropped plans were also an indication of that.
Get ironing and get your coat (tell him to leave your coat on your doorstep/with a neighbour at a time when you are out, or post it to you).Do not contact him and in 3 days time request the coat.
Chin up, he's obviously a spineless idiot to do this to you.

scarf sorry I thought I'd responded to your post last night but it would seem not! Welcome back!
Sorry to hear things have been up and down, Doc obviously sounds angry right now but he's a big boy and he'll get over it so don't worry. Hopefully you didn't become attached to FB so I have no doubt you will find a replacement in no time, lots of men are after that arrangement so you'll have no problem.
Hope things pick up for you.

Well we spoke last night. He tried to act like nothing happened so I asked him what his problem was and he claimed there was no problem, he's just really busy and it wasn't intentional. I said that would be all well and good if his last message wasn't an insult - obviously I'm going to be concerned - and that I don't expect an hourly update on how his days going, just a follow up text when he's made a mean comment will do.

He started typing straight away after I sent it but I never got a reply and I still haven't he hasn't been too busy to post on Facebook though.. urghhhhh if there's anything I hate more it's being left hanging. Why can people not just say if there's a problem?!

If you never hear from him again flip its because u cant be gaslighted in to thinking that its ok for him to sign off for the evening by telling you you're needy.

And you can tell the difference between being need and being reasonably aware you have been cancelled!

Either your normal standards are too high and he wants somebody with a lower self esteem who will beliebe she is needy if she actually banks on plans happening... or, is he back in the sweet shop? Could an old iron of his be back on the scene?
So weird to go from nice to nothing at date 10!

Perhaps! It is so bizarre, we had a really nice time on our last date. He was really sweet to me and told me he misses me between dates. He was speaking to me Sunday, and Monday everything was fine right up until the incident in the evening. It is literally like that was a total gamechanger. I'm so confused.

That is weird. I was seeing a man back in January and it got to 9 dates and then it suddenly turned to dust, but we never had the easy rapport you had with that guy.

scarftown you shouldn't struggle with it. A man wouldn't!!! That might be a generalisation but I can assure you, Bear would have stood in the doorway blocking all other traffic indefinitely if I hadn't been the one to walk away. And it turns out, I think I learnt a huge lesson from him. HUGE. Not just about avoiding men who won't 'give' you anything but also about myself and why I found that type attractive and mysterious. The lesson I learnt from him merrily standing in the doorway of my heart neither coming in nor going out could actually be the lesson that sets me on the path that makes a good relationship possible. I won't get in touch with him to tell him that though.

And my news......... date five with MSG tonight! Really looking forward to it.
Communication between dates is really easy!